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Never Again
Huasca Brew - D. cabrerana & B. caapi
by AyahuasQuero7
Citation:   AyahuasQuero7. "Never Again: An Experience with Huasca Brew - D. cabrerana & B. caapi (exp96376)". Erowid.org. Jan 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/96376

 
DOSE:
2 cups oral Huasca Brew (tea)
      Diplopterys cabrerana  
      Ayahuasca  
      Acacia confusa  
      Ilex guayusa  

BODY WEIGHT: 225 lb


Iíll explain what I experienced the best I can. I have done Ayahuasca over 20 times and have only experienced delirium once before but I could not recall most of what I witnessed in this state, but on this occurrence I kept the memory.

I started the evening with a small amount of Changa that I had left over. It was great. Sent me right to machine elf land which I have recently come to be able to deal with without so much fear. It was a pleasant experience that lasted about 10 minutes.
I decided to partake in Ayahuasca, a strong brew that I recently made with red and a small amount of black Caapi. I used Chaliponga as the admixture along with Guayusa, Bobinsana, honey and a small amount of Acacia Confusa (50 grams Chaliponga, 250 grams Red Caapi, 100 Grams Black Caapi). The recipes come from experimenting with different mixes as well as researching traditional Amazonian mixtures.

I did not begin seeing entities until my first delirium episode with Ayahuasca about 3 months ago. I had foolishly taken Ayahuasca at the peak of an Amanita Muscaria trip. I attributed the experience of getting caught in a mad looping of time to the Amanita which is said to cause looping thoughts. Also, both episodes of delirium occurred after the second cup of Ayahuasca after the ďendĒ of visions from the first cup. @ 2 hours in or so.
So now Iíve continued with Ayahuasca without fooling around with Amanita again.
So here goesÖ

I drink the brew and start my Icaro playlist. Itís going great. The visions are beautiful and the beings have arrived, but not the Machine elves I have just seen from smoking Changa. These are the hindu looking headless giants (A man and a woman). I always see their hands gesturing me to look in a direction or at something they are holding. Usually spinning Jewels or one time they had a photo of me in their hand and when I acknowledged it they rejoiced.

So, this time they are explaining that some of the Icaros were not positive and that I should stick to the songs without words or negative tone, basically the songs with lovely humming and whistling. I expressed this to my wife who is watching me. As the visions begin to fade I decide I would do a second cup. I figure it would be more of the same only longer and with more lessons from the spirits.

I drink and lay back in bed. My wife has left the room for a few minutes. About 20 minutes in Iím in a mad rush to the toilet. I have the deepest purge I have ever had! Something in my mind says back up!!! At that point I can see the little splashes of vomit are alive and moving towards me trying to get back inside I think.
At that point I can see the little splashes of vomit are alive and moving towards me trying to get back inside I think.
I try to flush the toilet and clean up a bit but it's coming on so strong that all I do is run my naked ass out of the bathroom. I quickly wrap a towel around my waist and head towards the bed to sit down. My wife is not back but my son is in the bed. He is 7. As I stare at him he morphed into my wife and then back to his self. ďDaddy are you ok?Ē
ďDaddy are you ok?Ē
I cannot talk. I notice his face is slitting into 3 horizontal slices and spreading apart like a magicians trick, but scary. I manage to mutter his name. He is afraid and turns over pulling the blanket over his head. When he does this, he disappears into the bed and I freak the hell out. My wife disappeared on my last Amanita/Ayahuasca experience, but I felt it was the Amanita. Nope! Itís the DMT.

Ok, I call for my wife and she quickly arrives. ďWATERÖWATER!!! Please help me get some water fast!!! I canít take itĒ. She grabs me by the arm and runs me to the kitchen downstairs. I can barely see because the colors are way too bright and everything is crystal like. I hear a droid-like hum. Like dubstep music. She get me some water and brings me back upstairs. Coming upstairs seemed to last forever. There were more and more steps. I felt I was being chased, but this is my own fear because I cannot really see. I start drinking water but quickly start spitting it out all over the bathroom floor. I was hissing and making snake sounds, I have visions of 2 snake witches doing spells or something.

The music coming from my computer has to stop. I try to turn it off but cannot see the screen clear enough. I'm ripping out the power cord the mouseÖeverything connected, just trying to shut it off. I donít know how or when the music stopped because I have totally lost connection and Iím flying through space and time.

At one point I'm floating in space, the next Iím going beyond. I go beyond space and watch it close behind me. Now Iím in the void, very colorful like being inside a rainbow. Then I start getting the looping visions about the truth of existenceÖI have the feeling right now and I feel a bit nervous inside. Iím seeing that all of existence is unreal. Even the concept of fake is not real. Nothing!
Iím seeing that all of existence is unreal. Even the concept of fake is not real. Nothing!
Every thought I am having is being shown as unreal. I try to grasp ideas like tire, lamp, electricity, fire, waterÖall not real and in fact Iím not real either. Iím struggling to get out of this but I cannot. The only thing Iím connected to is my fear and anxiety. I get flashes of my bedroom and my wifeís concerned face but cannot comprehend what or who Iím seeing. The visions are still looping and Iím going absolutely insane. My wife remembered that lemon juice can quicken the release from Ayahuascaís grasp and brings some to me. I drink it, but donít know that I am. My wife is videotaping me with her phone. I have no idea.

I just cannot release tension and give in to the experience because I think that I would die and become nothing because none of the, what happens when you die arguments are true. So Iím fighting to get back but canít put together a clear thought and when I do, I loop back into the void, looping over and over and over again. It was an eternity! Slowly things began to stick and as it releases me I began saying aloud the names of things. ďTable, Book, Lamp, Window, Water, womanÖetc. I get visions that I my wife and son are the same person. My son reappears onto the bedÖ

I donít know how to process this. I wish I could erase the lesson. I donít want to know this although I know itís true. Something caused God and something caused the something that caused God and so on. The rabbit hole leads to insanity. Iím leaving this alone. If I have a strong brew again, I'll think very hard before taking that second cup.

Iíve been having dreams of the experience since that day. I cannot shake it. Iím now more afraid to die than ever. Hopefully in time this will change.
Iíve been beyond the eschaton.
Iíve tried my best to reveal this experience to you guys. Whatever you feel from this multiply by a million.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 96376
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 38 
Published: Jan 9, 2018Views: 1,202
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Diplopterys cabrerana (157), Banisteriopsis caapi (169), Huasca Brew (268) : Combinations (3), Entities / Beings (37), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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