Citation: Cheeky Ellen. "Transcending the Ego: A Journey through Love: An Experience with DXM, Cannabis, Synthetic Cannabinoids & Ginkgo biloba (exp89390)". Erowid.org. Aug 15, 2012. erowid.org/exp/89390
I am a male of 17 years, attending high school and living in New Zealand. My credentials for previous drug experiences aren't impressive, but I have a keen interest in all substances and their psychological effects and consider myself fairly knowledgeable on this subject. Prior to this experience I have smoked Cannabis since the age of 15/16, used Alcohol, dabbled with Salvia and Codeine, and experimented with DXM, LSD and Psilocybin Mushrooms.
The summer holidays had finally arrived after an uninspiring year which lacked for me in mental stimulation. My family were heading off to a beach on the east coast of the North Island, providing me four full days of freedom to do what I pleased. Of course I had to take advantage of this opportunity by having a session with my two close friends, C and K. Our friendship is unique, like all relationships, but we seem to possess a rare connection, one which is ingrained with an intrinsic appreciation for each other. We don't get to spend all that much time together as three friends, but whenever an opportunity arises, we jump at the thought of exploring our consciousnesses, and always end up having a fantastic time. Many would arrogantly assume this is just an excuse for us to take drugs, but we agreed on a previous occasion that it was by no means about the substance itself, but about exploring and enjoying the friendship whilst in an altered state.
I had recently purchased some 200 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds online, eager to experience something similar to the beautiful LSD high us three had indulged in months before, but customs intercepted the package, notifying me that it would be destroyed. The obvious Plan B was to buy three bottles of Robitussin from the chemist. We had taken DXM together once before, and were thoroughly impressed at how comforting and insightful the high was.
Prior to embarking on this adventure, I had been taking tablets with 7,500mg of Ginkgo biloba extract everyday for the past month. Ginkgo is the one of the oldest species of plant alive, and has been used in Chinese medicine for thousands of years. It is a well-renowned memory and concentration enhancer, and contributed greatly to my being able to remember what happened that night.
After an evening of smoking weed and a legal, synthetic alternative, we were all relaxed and in a positive mindset. At 11:10pm we proceeded to drink the Robitussin. The taste is bearable, but entirely repulsive all the same. Although we were keen to see where a full bottle would take us, we were apprehensive as to how our stomachs would react. In the end we all drank at least half a bottle each, with me downing close to three quarters, which equates to 450mg of DXM. We decided to put Cat Stevens on the stereo, and even in our current sober state, were blown away by his talent and by the relaxing vibes the music treated us to.
About an hour in, the calming waves turned into a more powerful relaxation that caressed my very being. We were starting to become more and more comfortable and begun talking about our personal lives and our opinions on various people and beliefs. The beautiful thing about DXM is that it allows one to communicate in an incredibly sincere way. The opinions one expresses aren't malicious or irrational because ego becomes suppressed. Put simply, it cuts out the bullshit. An interesting side-affect of this is that it's very difficult to appreciate humour under the influence, and even more difficult to laugh. Next I suggested we all express our love by defining what it is we admire about one another. This was a satisfying exercise as it made us aware of how we feel about each other deep down, regardless of any trivial arguments that surface in our everyday lives.
Two hours in and, for lack of a better way to explain it, I was feeling very fucked up. The sensation is similar to that of being extremely drunk - physically disorientated and blurred vision. However there are many other elements to it. My thought-processes were fairly clear and lucid, but when I went to speak, although my diction wasn't slurred, I found it hard to express what I wanted to say. This time round though, having had taken Ginkgo, I was much more eloquent, which was convenient for getting C and K to understand how I was feeling and what I was thinking. One's vision is also distorted. The way you perceive an object, upon focus, shifts from being far away to extremely close. My perception of big and small was altered greatly, for example when I stared at C's face it appeared as though it were inches away, and then I'd see it from a different perspective and he'd appear to be several, several meters away. Also, my backyard came across as smaller than it really was, and yet at the same time it appeared to be a huge area of land with which the thought of walking from one end to the other was daunting.
Accompanying the physical inertia was an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach due to the heroic dose, in terms of suggested intake, of Robitussin. This then led to me vomiting a few times. Purging my belly's contents was very refreshing and allowed me to concentrate on the high without feeling unease.
After lounging about for a couple of hours, we decided to go to a small public park not five minutes walk from where I lived. This we referred to as 'The Field' as if it were our own special habitat for such adventures. We lay on the dry grass, soaking up the warm summer breeze, and ran about in a state of confusion listening to our iPods. I began by listening to a mixtape by the house music group, Sweedish House Mafia. I love all genres of music, but under the influence of certain substances, some genres go down much better than others. House wasn't one of those. Even though I knew it was produced with genuine talent and creativity, the beats were too alien and digitalised for my liking. I then switched to Kid Cudi's first album - hip hop music which, like house music, is electronically produced. However, the lyrics and story behind the music touched me on a personal level. For me, Cudi is an inspiration who I relate to on many levels, so listening to him in this state was very enjoyable.
Having been pissing around on a small children's playground for a while, we decided to smoke a joint which was mixed with cannabis and one of its legal alternatives which we had used earlier that night. It was nicely rolled and burnt well, meaning we got quite a bit out of it. Had I known what was in store for us, I'm not sure I would've smoked it...
Suddenly we became conscious of just how out of it we were. I've read about how powerful combining weed and DXM can be, and had glimpsed this truth briefly on the come down of our first DXM trip. Although we weren't hallucinating as such, the world became very cartoonish and surreal. Even with my newfound, impressive memory, I couldn't even begin to describe what I felt, how I perceived things and the crazy thoughts that I had. I decided a good idea was to send myself text messages, updating my sober self on what I was experiencing. The following are extracts of some of the texts I sent.
'This trip was meant to happen. This is the most amazing moment in our lives - we agreed on it. Hard to explain. Literally three minutes passed and it felt like three hours. I hope our sober reflection does this extraordinary experience justice.'
'We genuinely had telepathy. Not like speaking with our minds, but a true understanding of each other's emotions. This is life-altering. Amazing.' This sensation is absolutely impossible to explain, but it happened. Just by looking into C and K's eyes and by fully sympathising with their existence, I was able to know what they were feeling. They reciprocated this sixth sense also.
'The weirdest trip of my life. The more I come down, the more I trip.' It sounds like a paradox, and it is, but when you're tripping on a drug, the seemingly impossible becomes entirely plausible. By this I meant that the more I came down from the previous sensation, it would open me up to a completely different sensation. So it seemed the more I came 'down' from the experience, the more I experienced.
'This whole night has been in the NOW.' All we have is the present moment. Five seconds ago no longer exists just as five years ago no longer exists. It's the same for five minutes into the future, and five years into the future. We're just riding on a perpetual wave of the NOW. But our minds tend to be focused mainly on what happened in the past, or projecting theories as to what will happen in the future. Upon reflection, the reason we went on and on and on about how this was the most amazing thing we'd ever experienced, was because we were entirely in the present moment. Time slowed down so much that a few minutes felt like hours. This made the experience more profound. I seem to remember us saying the exact same thing the first time we did LSD, only to dismiss and forget about it in the following days. All it is is a deep understanding and feeling of the present moment, and the fundamental beauty that this entails. That being said, there's no denying that this particular state of mind after smoking the joint was the most profound, fucked up experience of our lives, or so I thought at the time...
After walking back home, we went to my room and listened to some music. I flicked through my iTunes and found Sigur Ros, a band whose musical talent is beyond any other, in my opinion. I put on 'Glosoli', a song which had quickly become my favourite, but one which I hadn't yet fully relinquished myself to during the listening experience. As soon as I lay down on my bed and payed attention to the chord changes and the progression of each note, I knew this would be one hell of a ride. And it was. What followed was my greatest, most enlightening experience to date.
I listened carefully to the song, absorbing the shift in tones, the calming thrash of symbols, the all-powerful bass line, the angelic, falsetto voice of the lead, sung in the beautiful Icelandic language, and the astonishing sound of an electric guitar being played with a violin bow. It was truly, truly incredible. I felt completely at peace, with a radiant warmth perpetuating my whole body. Although the lyrics were in another language, I understood, at least through my perception, the meaning of the song. Lyrics tell you what the musician feels in a superficial way, but if you listen, actually listen to the music itself, an indescribably knowledge can be conveyed. The song started to pick up pace, with the beat growing in tempo, and increasing in volume. The bow-driven electric guitar played one chord with increasing intensity, complimenting the beat and voice perfectly. The music reached an astounding climax and then, BAM! The heart-wrenching, intense, emotional guitar solo which the entire song had been leading up to.
I physically felt the sound inside of me. In fact it was more than just physical and emotional, it was spiritual. It unleashed the most blissful sensation I've ever felt. Nothing I'd experienced in the past comes close to how mind-blowing it was. A vortex of pure, true unconditional love BURNED ferociously in my stomach, releasing the warmest, most comforting vibes to the rest of my body and transmuting any thought or feeling separate from this love. It was at this moment that I truly, genuinely understood the notion of unconditional love. It isn't something that can be explained through any medium other than personal experience. This vortex of complete, INTENSE joy and love was the most powerful feeling in the world. Fear, and any other negative emotion that arises from it, pales in comparison, like a tsunami completely shattering a single grain of sand. Once you experience this for yourself, only then will you understand why Bob Marley and so many others preached the idea of 'One Love'. If you react to anger with anger, it only exacerbates this emotion within both parties. You cannot win. Love is the only way. Love TRULY conquers all because it is the most omnipotent force known to the universe. To quote David Icke, 'Infinite Love is the only truth, everything else is illusion.'
I started to weep with the guitar solo, with pure joy for my existence and for the existence of every other living being. They weren't liquid tears, but rather a physical weeping - a convulsing in absolute bliss, with an ego death to suit.
After recovering from such euphoria, and after having smoked another bowl of legal weed, K blew up these giant bubbles which lazily hovered around us, reflecting the light with hues of purple and green. I looked through them in awe, only for them to pop moments later, making the crispest sound as they exploded into the atmosphere. Their short lived existence was a joy to witness and was a moving metaphor for the beauty within everything else that exists.
Later we went to bed, listening to our iPods in the dark and exploring different universes through our amazing, enhanced ability to have Closed Eyed Visuals.
The next day, after saying my goodbyes to C and K and exchanging our appreciation for each other's company, I sat outside, enjoying the warm evening sun and the nature that was present in my garden, and decided to take another couple of bong hits of the remaining bud I had. This was very relaxing and a nice way to reflect on the previous night. As I looked at the garden, I couldn't help but notice how odd it appeared. It's hard to do this realisation justice by expressing it through language, just like the love I felt when listening to Sigur Ros can only be understood through personal experience. I felt as if I were viewing this world from another dimension, just like how we, in the 3D reality, would view a 2D cartoon. I noticed how different it seemed - how basic and restricting our reality is. I couldn't perceive the dimension I was supposedly viewing from, but the observation was an insight into how the third dimension would appear to someone residing in a higher density such as the fifth dimension. At the end of 2012, we as a human family are supposedly going to ascend from the third dimension to the fifth. I started to think about this and its relevance to what I was experiencing. Without falling to gullibility or being irrational, I couldn't help but wonder whether what had just happened was a glimpse into the fifth dimension.
In summary, that night was easily the furthest I've delved into my consciousness. DXM is an incredible substance which reveals your true self without it being filtered through the delusional ego. I opened up to C and K in a way that I was comfortable with, and I'm sure they felt the same. I had some great insights into our friendship, and into my life situation in general, but by far the most important aspect of the night was my experience with love. I look forward to the day where I'm enlightened enough to feel this love at all times. I now realise I'm already walking the path to such enlightenment and that the destination is just around the corner. Now all there's left to do is enjoy the walk itself.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center for permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.