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The Infinite Mirror
H.B. Woodrose & Cannabis
by Psychonaut
Citation:   Psychonaut. "The Infinite Mirror: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose & Cannabis (exp81774)". Erowid.org. Jun 13, 2010. erowid.org/exp/81774

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3 seeds oral H.B. Woodrose (ground / crushed)
  T+ 2:00   smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


As I write this, it's been approx 17 hours since my intake of the seeds and I still feel effects, (pretty out of it generally) I'll do the best I can to recollect what happened last night in detail.

About 9 o'clock I arrive at a friendís house, he has 3 other friends already over, I bring six H.B. Woodrose seeds. There already hitting a vaporizer, so I start grinding off that fuzzy shit around the seeds so we can get down to business. It will only be me and my friend tripping tonight, as thereís only 6 seeds. At about 10 o'clock me and friend 'N' have had the seeds grinded up, chewed up, and in our mouths in a ball of saliva for 10 minutes and decide to swallow.

We wait about an hour and don't feel much. Within this time the two other friends have already left. It's just me and N now, downstairs in his garage sitting on couches. At about 1130-1200 I begin to feel it. It snuck up for sure, and we decide to start smoking some Mary, as its recommended to do so while on these due to the nausea associated with these little guys (I didn't get much anyways). By 12:30 I'm totally tripping out.

This was such a new high to me I've never experienced such effects in my life. I've done shrooms tons of times, MDMA tons of times, etc. The LSA in these combined with Cannabis created a CRAZY euphoric trip. It felt as though a mix of the euphoria felt on MDMA was occurring with still a tripped out state of consciousness Iíd associate to shrooms. By 1:00 every mere thought or sentence I produce seems to bring about so much pleasure that I almost laugh every time I speak. My friend at this point does not know how to have regular conversation and every time I attempt to speak with him, his reply goes into a different context and different conversation.

I tried listening to music, and it was simply insane. My memory fades me really well at this point, but I specifically remember listening to music and saying I don't know how to express the sensory data thatís being input into me right now. I literally could not comprehend it. From this point, EVERY thing that occurred was merely incomprehendable. Every thought, every sentence, was something I had no idea how to express to the point of breathing being a confusing concept.

I sat in the most mindless, tripped out state of consciousness and literally felt as though it was a burden to exist. At this point I decided the euphoric effects were gone and I'd rather be unconscious than anything. I wanted to go home but I literally felt like I was flashing in and out of consciousness at the speed of light and getting up from the couch was an insane task. After reasoning with my friend for some time, I choose to drive home. [Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!] As I drive, I am looking around and trying to comprehend what I'm doing. I feel as though my memory is fading so fast that every mere thought or image that comes into my head disappears within seconds and I am just doing my best to turn and drive safely. Again, my memory fades me here but I get home fine.

I walk inside, leaving half of my weed-butter-nuts in the car and any other important supplies just because at this point I feel so fucked that I cannot worry about anything but getting the fuck into a bed. I get inside, lock the door, walk downstairs and see my brother in the bathroom. He opens the door 'Yo you bring munchies?' he said in the funniest tone, and I don't even remember how I replied but I feel as though I straight shut down his joke. I couldn't comprehend his attempt at humour and had no choice but to keep my mind on the goal (the bed) and if I didn't, I feared fainting on the spot. I get into bed, and now this is where I see what a bad trip can really be.

As I sit there, every negative thought merely multiplies by a million. Everything I think about reflects into another mirror of thought, and this goes in an infinite reflection resulting in instantaneous fear and sadness. As I sit in the bed, I slowly feel myself falling over into insanity. I cannot sit still but I cannot sit in my bed and pass out. All I want to do is be unconscious and my body will NOT let me. I'm trying so hard to keep still and shut my eyes but with no success.

At this point itís about 2:30 and I really begin to convince myself I'm dying. The mere thought of this being a possibility goes into my head, hits the mirror of infinite fear and just EXPLODES. I am sitting there in my physical state, thinking what if thereís something in these thatís killing me right now because I think I'm forgetting how to breathe. It was literally as though every negative thought I had, turned into an EXTREMELY negative thought (due to infinite mirror effect), then took its PHYSICAL equivalent in my body. So from this I would argue I was having the worse panic attack of my life. I was attempting to breathe, and it felt like breathing itself was of no use and was not helping me. It felt like my own fucking body was trying to suffocate itself.

I sat there and stopped breathing and literally felt relief begin to kick in. There mere concept of not bringing air into my body was helping me. At this point I'm sure that this can't be a good thing, and THIS thought hits the mirror infinite fear and multiplies, making the trip worse. I'm telling myself the best thing I can do is breathe steadily until I'm fine. Time had literally no perception in me so what occurred with this attempt at steady breathing seemed like about an hour. I constantly panicked and moved around in my bed trying to breathe more and get more air, but still felt as though I was suffocating. I begin to try to puke but can't, still having trouble breathing, tears roll down my eyes and at this point I am truly thinking maybe itís time to pick up my phone and dial 911.

I now understand why this has been done in a bad trip. I had convinced myself I was dying and I was physically feeling my own fear. I thought over and over again every time another intense panic resulted in the inability to breathe, whether I should start yelling my brotherís name or call an ambulance. My friend had been texting me, I check my phone while panicking to see he says heís getting scared too. But probably not merely what I'm feeling, as he did not say anything more than 'Yeah I'm scared too'. So I put my phone down and try to deal with myself and make clarity in whats really going on. Am I really dying? Is this actually happening?

Then my cat jumps on the bed.

In my worse state, the worse state I have ever felt in my entire life, I make one last attempt at gripping a safe reality. I pet my cat. As I'm petting it, within what feels like seconds I begin to come down to reality in a much happier way. My body stops panicking, I feel breathing come more naturally, I can sit still longer.

I keep petting the cat. I begin to feel an absolute sense of love for everything. 'The bad trips over, and my fucking cat saved me. I love life. I love everything around me. I'm so happy I can exist, eat food, have friends' the list went on till I was giving thanks for merely everything that I could possibly give thanks for. I have never been more thankful of anything in my life. I was crying in happiness, I was tempted to go wake up my brother and tell him of what the fuck just happened.

After the cat leaves, I feel myself getting panicky again. My worst fear of slipping back into insanity grips me (and multiplies so I try to tell myself to be happy and see if that will multiply under the same laws as the mirror works. It does for what seems like a quarter second but then I feel as though my attempt at making myself happy was merely a cover up of my conscious state and this realization multiplied negatively. The panics ensued for only a few more minutes before I got control of it and passed out.

I wake up still feeling pretty out of it, but boy do those seeds hit you hard. I don't want to fuck with the mirror of infinity anymore, but if I do, I'm bringing my cat for sure.

Exp Year: 2009ExpID: 81774
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Jun 13, 2010Views: 10,443
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H.B. Woodrose (26) : General (1), First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Various (28)

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