Citation: 1highbitch. "The Universe Looking In On Itself: An Experience with Cocaine, MDMA, Alcohol, Hydrocodone & Cannabis (exp79132)". Erowid.org. Oct 22, 2013. erowid.org/exp/79132
Let me start out by saying that up to this point the only drugs I had experimented with were weed, pain killers like Vicodin, and ecstasy a handful of times, although since I have added a few more under my belt. I have yet to have an experience quite as astounding as this one.
The few experiences I had with beans up to this point I enjoyed immensely and that's putting it mildly. So me and a few of my buddies decided one Friday morning that we should roll that Friday night. Normally this wouldn't be a problem since we live in an area where drugs are easily accessible. So we thought not much of it to go ahead and get all of our supplies before calling up one of the five thousand dealers I knew. Me and my best friend, I'll call her S, went to wal mart to get all the essentials like glow sticks, glow bracelets, vicks and vicks inhalers, 10 bottles of water, fog juice for my fog machine. Things we already had: two strobe lights, a fog machine, a laser light, and some little light dome I found at wal mart. It's supposed to go in pools and tubs and the like but it's pretty trippy when you're rollin too. We got home with all of our supplies and it's still relatively early in the day, about 5 pm since I had gone straight from work to wal mart. So I decided to have a few drinks in the mean time while waiting for all my friends to gather and converge at my place.
Now, this is a very small, close group of friends, in my opinion that's the best way to do it that way you are completely comfortable with your surroundings and can have the best experience possible. Might as well if you're paying 10, 20, 30, or more for a night of rollin. Before I know it, it's 6:30 and my friends come over to find that I am quite drunk. Now that every one is here, it's time to get the drugs. I call my usual dealer to find that he is dry. Ok. I call next in line, only to get the voicemail. I call third string, to no avail. I must have called 7 people with no luck, every one was dry. Needless to say, we were pretty disappointed. But no sense in letting the night go to waste! I go and grab a bottle of vicodin I had been saving for a rainy day and popped 3 of them, and the other people I was with popped 1 each. We are all drinking and having a good time feeling lightly buzzed from the vicodin and liquor.
One of my friends, I'll call him R, suggests that we do some powder. Well, I had never done it before, so was a bit nervous but did not hesitate to say let's do it. R made a phone call and within 30 minutes we had an 8 ball. At this point it's about 7:30 and R starts chopping up the rock until it is a fine white powder and proceeds to separate us all out some lines. R offered me a bump since it was only my first time, to which I quickly declined. If I was going to do it I was going to do it big. I watched R and S do their lines, and I was next. They handed me the half a straw, and I quickly bent down and took the 2 most robust lines I saw. I sat back and tried to act casual, didn't want to seem lame by freakin out over how good I felt. I watched my friends T and W take their lines. I decided then that I was going to be taking W to bed with me that night, which isn't like me, but the coke had me on a whole different level then I had ever been on before. We continued to take lines until...
Can it be? My second string dealer! And he is far from dry! We go ahead and buy 20 for 130 (at that price, why not?) and he brings them over to the house and everything. We waste no time as it is now about 9 pm and each of us had things to do early the next day. Me, T, and W all take 4, and R and S take 3. We decide to take a few more lines while waiting for the Ecstasy to kick in. At this point I start to worry that maybe my tiny little frail body can't handle all these foreign substances at once. I'm drunk as a skunk, the Vicodin is trying to pull me down, and the cocaine is pulling me up and I'm about to roll like a stupid fool. I stop these thoughts dead in their tracks with 3 lines of cocaine and a cigarette.
I can feel the XTC starting to work on me.
It's about 9:30 now and we pop open all the glow sticks and distribute them, me and S putting them around our necks and in our hair. We start the fog machine, strobe lights and music going and just trip for a while off of all that. At this point I can't decide whether I'm hot or cold, I kept fluctuating between near naked and blankets 5 deep. I can't decide whether I'm speedy or slow, happy or mad, rollin or drunk, horny or disgusted, I was in a state of mass confusion. I couldn't sit still, I was clenching my jaw, my eyes were wiggling back and forth, the music (music I normally love to roll to) was sending nasty vibrations all the way through me. R pulled out his little baggy of coke and started to separate some lines out (its 11). Now I'm never one to turn down drugs, if it's there, and it's offered to me, I will take it. I like to be on at least the same level as everyone else I'm around. At this point I would say I was past their levels. Nevertheless when it was my turn to take my lines, I snorted them with no hesitation. This is the point where my body started to tell me that maybe I had taken it too far.
Never one to let people see how fucked up I am, I continued to dance, giving people light shows and shots of vicks inhaler and taking lines whenever it was my turn. I finally sat down for a min. Big mistake. I was making my way through consciousness and unconsciousness ten times in a split second, my head was nodding back and forth my eyes were wiggling back and forth fiercely. I could taste blood in my mouth and could tell them the habitus of my mouth had changed from grinding my teeth so hard. I tried to focus on getting used to the new arrangement of my teeth to keep my mind on something, as things like that usually work for me when I feel I've overdone it in some way. I was too far gone. I leaned over and confided in W that I thought I had done a bit too much and I needed to mellow out. He took me on my back porch and rolled a blunt. It was about 12:30. I hit the weed a few times and almost instantly felt myself start to even out. R, T and S came outside and W handed the blunt to them and proceeded to roll another blunt. We passed the blunt around and talked. I was way higher now than I was before, but I was high in a way that I could manage. I could handle it now. I was feeling a lot more social now than I was before and we sat on my back porch and talked and smoked weed for about an hour and a half, I can't even begin to tell you how much weed we smoked. We finally made our way back inside. W and R said they were feeling tired and needed to go to bed. I told R to sleep in the spare bedroom and W to go ahead and sleep in my bed and I'd be up in a minute.
It was very dark in the house.
The dark started to play tricks on me. I was hallucinating very badly, but they weren't regular hallucinations I get from an acid trip or mushrooms. These hallucinations were more like extensions of reality. Everything I saw made sense to me and even though I knew it wasn't real. I will explain to you one of the hallucinations.
T had a bottle of dasani water. He put a pink glow stick in it way earlier so he knew which one was his. The bottle itself is blue. Keep in mind that it is completely dark and quiet except for a few random glow sticks. He goes to take a sip of his water and what I see is a little neon pink girl walking up blue steps, turning and laughing at me, then jumping down into T's throat. Now I knew this was not real but it made so much sense I wished it was real. These hallucinations proceeded to get more and more heinous until I gathered every bit of strength I could and stood up to turn the light on. At this point T gets up and goes to bed. So now it's just me and S. Which I really like. We compliment each other well when we are high. I babble on and on and she'll listen and add in a few words, just enough to let me know she's listening, to keep my flame burning. We sat on my living room floor and I babbled for what seemed like hours. Looking at myself it was hard to believe it was actually me I was looking at. There's no way these are my hands! They're too far away from me! I was holding onto a cup and couldn't feel the place where my hand stopped and the cup began. Essentially I felt right through the cup. I felt huge. I felt like I was part of everything and everything was part of me. I felt all important and miniscule at the same time. I finally understood the saying 'The mind is just the universe's way of looking at itself.' I could feel myself going through the ground but going through that's not a good way to explain it. I was becoming part of the ground while still maintaining my individuality. But I realized I had always been part of the ground, I just never felt it before now. I was me but I was every thing else at the same time. Really I think everything was more a part of me then I was of it. I touched S and felt like I was taking a part of her. I felt kind of guilty because she didn't know what I was doing to her so I stopped. My body started twitching involuntarily and I couldn't move my toes. I remembered then that I had told W I would be up with him in a minute. I couldn't even think of being intimate right now but I didn't want to just blow him off. Me and S went and got into my bed with W I told him we weren't in the mood right then, way too high, maybe next time though. It was 5 am now and the light was beginning to come through my window. It was throwing shadows off the bumps and lines on my spackled ceiling. If I looked at them long enough they turned into cartoons, quite funny ones actually and complex. I lay there and watched cartoons in the ceiling until I drifted off to sleep.
I have tried many times to recreate an experience like this one. Never before or since have I ever been through the whole range of human emotion from a drug trip. I've even mixed all the drugs that I took that night to no avail. I've tried many times to explain how I felt sitting on my living room floor with S and I think this comes the closest to how I felt, even though it is way off.
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