Citation: Anatta. "Morphing Through My Mind: An Experience with 2C-E, Cannabis, Valerian & Zolpidem (Ambien) (exp78020)". Erowid.org. Jan 17, 2010. erowid.org/exp/78020
Saturday, after waking up and eating a delicious breakfast made by Z's mom, R and I drove back to my house. My roommates were not home for the day, and I decided to show R my house before he drove back home, out of state. We were chilling, talking about things, and then I remembered I had 2c-e, 2c-i, and 2c-t-2 that my friend C had sent me a month or so ago. I had been reading up on them, especially 2c-e, but was too scared to try it by myself. To this, R readily said, 'Let's take it, we don't have anything else to do today'. I was more than happy to oblige. Though a little nervous, I got 2 glasses of water, into which we mixed the 2c-e and cool aid, and we drank them. I can't report on times, because time moved both incredibly slow and fast at the same time, and I had no idea where it went while on 2c-e.
After taking it, we walked around the house waiting for it to kick in. It took about an hour, but the first signs that something was different for me was that I was looking at a cowboy hat on my living room table, and all of a sudden I could see every stitch on it. Not only could I SEE the stitch, though, but the patterns were moving! They were morphing. One segment would get lighter, like my eyes had sliders for brightness and contrast, and just by thinking, I could change one or both of them. It was scary; I wasn't ready for it. So I looked away, at a picture I took in Israel of a bird flying over a bench and chair.
As I was looking at it, I could see the mountains clearly in the background, I closed my eyes and could smell the way the air was. Then I noticed, when my eyes were closed, that I was able to still see things in my mind's eye. It didn't matter what my physical eyes were doing, because I could see things no matter what. Nothing I could do would make that change. I saw red, green, and blue the most vividly. They were outlining things that didn't exist except in the blackness behind my eyelids. The images were beautiful, peaceful, and dancing with my mind. Sometimes I would see faces, or shapes. All the colors that made up light were shattered into their individual constituents upon reaching my eyes.
But then I opened them again. I had to go to the bathroom from drinking all the water initially. As I was urinating, I looked at the wall I had seen hundreds of times prior to that moment. This time was different, though-- The minute patterning in the wallpaper was MORPHING. Morphing! There is no other word to explain it. Not even on mushrooms did I get such amazing shape-shifting and tonal-changing. Think of one pattern, and then having those contrast sliders in your mind changed, and then all of a sudden you can see deeper; more vividly; into what the creator of that wallpaper was trying to say. Someone created the intricate patterning on it, they probably devoted a lot of time to it, and now here I was, able to fully comprehend and appreciate the beauty of it.
We had to go outside. It was rainy, cold, what some would call miserable outside. I had to be out in nature though. The sun was setting, so it was probably around 5 or 6pm. R and I took off our shoes and socks, put on hats and coats, and walked outside. The INSTANT I walked outside, I became aware of my brain altering the levels of black and white, adjusting my perception to 'outside vision'. It was beautiful the way I was able to see my mind at work - feeling that I was a part of the system, and knowing that all I was able to do was to observe. We walked around outside, loving nature and feeling as though she (nature) was filling me up with love, allowing me to see the true beauty and infinite complexity that humans will never understand. We played in the mud, and saw amazing morphing patterns in it.
Back inside, we flew on magic carpets (shuffling our feet on my blankets) up to the bathroom. There, we got mud all in the bathtub as we rinsed our feet off. The mud made gorgeous fractals in the bathtub, which also kept morphing in front of our eyes, showing us different things with every millisecond. Contrast going up, seeing intense shades of white and brown and yellow, and then contrast going way down, and seeing everything come together as one. So we left the mud be for then.
The trip was also very location dependent. The ambience of one room, where STS9 was playing loudly with whiteish-blue light coming in the windows was far different than the next room over, which was filled with the essence of slightly quieter music and red light coming through the red blinds. The purple blinds in my living room created yet a different ambience, which my brain registered and reflected in its mood.
Often, I would find myself getting anxious. I said to R that I had an itch I just couldn't scratch - it was like the feeling of being right on the edge of yawning but never having the yawn come. When this happened, as it did several times throughout the trip, I started feeling nauseous, though I never threw up thanks to ondansatron (Zofran) I had taken at the beginning of the trip. Any time I felt nauseous, or negative vibes came over me, all I had to do was walk upstairs, change the song, or walk outside/into a differently lit room, and I would feel beautifully warm again.
In my house, there are two cats, and we just kept wondering about them and playing with them. The patterns in their fur was exquisitely mind-blowing. Indescribable. The cats just walk around all day observing things. I have no way of knowing what their consciousness is like, but we tossed around the idea that maybe they were seeing things like this all the time, and that's why they love strings, hanging things, and just staring at patterns. What a great life it is to be a loved cat.
The trip lasted about 7 hours until I fell asleep with the help of an Ambien and a lot of marijuana. Coming down from this trip was very hard. I think I had more trouble when coming off my first mushroom trip, but this was a close second as far as difficult/uncomfortable comedowns go. I had terrible anxiety, was very indecisive for a while, and had horrible bodily discomfort. I felt expansive - like my brain, with everything it learned, was trying to squeeze back into a tiny little skull, but it wasn't fitting as well as it used to. R and I smoked some herb, and I took some Valerian Root extract.
After that, things calmed down enough for me to sit down and watch the movie Baraka. About an hour into it, I had to go lay down in my bed. So R and I said good night, he slept downstairs on the couch, and I went up to my bedroom. I took an Ambien and laid in bed waiting for it to kick in. There were thoughts of 'will I ever be the same again?' and 'How will I possibly explain this to anyone?' But today, waking up to a beautiful day out, I realized that part of the amazing thing about this life is that there is SO much to experience that I can just keep living. I experienced a fantastic voyage, and gained much knowledge about myself and Life as humans can know it.
There are many parts of this trip that I have yet to process. My mind moved so fast and learned/observed so much that I could not possibly write everything here right now. That would take months at the least. I like 2C-E because it allowed me to discover more about myself and Life. I think I will always take this drug with a friend, and walk around and be in nature at least for part of it. So an empty house or a camping trip would be ideal for 2C-E, in my opinion.
Theme of this trip:
Life is infinitely weirder than it wants us to believe.
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