Cacti - T. pachanoi, Salvia divinorum (extract), Cannabis & Nitrous Oxide
Citation: Mescaldorf. "The Ultimate Truth of the Universe: An Experience with Cacti - T. pachanoi, Salvia divinorum (extract), Cannabis & Nitrous Oxide (exp64914)". Erowid.org. Aug 20, 2007. erowid.org/exp/64914
I ingested 10 grams of san pedro alcohol extract tar dispersed in 26 gel caps this morning at 8:00 am. It took me 30 minutes to swallow all the pills. I was taking the pills with lemon water. Roughly 20 minutes later I emptied my stomach, in a most unpleasant purge. I have no idea how much mescaline really made it into my system. For the next few hours any effects caused by the mescaline were subtle but enjoyable. I was feeling some flowing thoughts, and increased enjoyment of motion and color. I spent the afternoon driving around with my sober friends (they were driving) looking at apartments, eating at a greek restaurant, where I only had 2 pieces of garlic toast, and taking a look at my friends remodeled Tae Kwon Do studio. Overall a nice day, and worth the purging and subtle nausea I felt most of the day.
What I really want to communicate here, is about what happened at about 5pm. We came back from the city to our house in the country, where my sober friends were going to watch a Jon Bastow video. I had little interest in the activity. I decided to use the opportunity to see how far I could go with the intoxicating substances I had available to me.
A bit of background: I first took mushrooms and had a true entheogenic experience several months ago, and have since been playing with different substances, and trying to figure out how these 'doors of perception' work. I have smoked Salvia twice and had interesting experiences both times. Those times I was smoking out of a small wooden pipe, that I felt produced a fairly inefficient smoke transfer. So I recently borrowed a decent sized water pipe from my brother, who suggested I try the Salvia with a little pot, and had some pot to give me. I have never smoked pot before, but took a small 'nug' somewhat reluctantly. So with my friends downstairs and me on a comfortable foam mattress next to an open window, showing me a wonderful landscape of ocean and rolling fields and trees, a fish pond and the blue sky, I decided to smoke the Salvia I had with the pot nugget.
I should note here that I'm not positive about the doses of these substances. I did not weigh the Salvia, but it was about half of a container that contained a gram when I bought it. Also, the product I was using was labeled 40X, but I believe it to be 5X. I have no real concept what the pot weighted, but it was a small 'nug' a bit larger than the eraser of a pencil.
I had never used a water pipe before, and am not sure I fully got the concept of it. But I smoked the substances I described as best I could. Taking about 4-5 lung fulls that I held for roughly 30 seconds each. Time was becoming quite confusing, so I'm not sure about these figures. For some amount of time, I would guess about 10 mintues, I enjoyed the somewhat confusing, dissociative high produced by Salvia. At one point I felt very much like I was floating on a cloud. Another, like my head and neck became rays of sunshine connecting to the sun.
I felt that I was close to something. Some interesting thought that was hard to perceive because of the confusing effects of Salvia. I had a strong drive to go deeper, and see if I couldn't catch that thought or realization, despite the confusion. So I got up and got some nitrous equipment out of my closet, a balloon, a cheap cracker purchased at a head shop, and some food quality nitrous chargers. I sat back down near the window, and emptied two nitrous chargers into the balloon. I took many deep breaths of air to insure that my brain had adequate oxygen. Then I inhaled the nitrous and hyperventilated on the balloon for maybe a minute.
I became very intoxicated and became almost inches from 'the realization.' It had something to do with drug use, the doors of perception, but I wasn't quite there. I decided to do another double dose of nitrous. I had quite a bit of difficulty filling the ballon with two more chargers, but eventually had the job done. I was rather proud that I could still function in the world of tasks from the perception state I was in. I breathed some more air, and then hyperventilated on this second 'double dose' of nitrous.
What happened next is the reason I'm writting this experience down. I truely feel that I made it to the ultimate understanding of the universe. I was on the edge of time, in hyperspace, truely in another dimension. I came away from that place just slightly back the world of words, thoughts and symbols, and instantly felt I needed to express myself to my Girlfriend who we will call 'K'. Only, K was on vacation and nowhere near me, and probably didn't have cell phone reception. I decided to write down the words I wanted to say to her. I attempted to open up something on my computer that would allow me to type, and ended up with a spread sheet document. I wrote on 5 rows of the spread sheet at about (T=+10.20). Here is what I wrote:
[first row]: Ok honey list I just realized the whome meaning of live “that's not it, that's my girlfriend, that's K'
[second row]: K (full name), I was trying to realize something and it's passed a bit but I think I figured it otu.
[third row]: I can barely type right now, but I want to tell you that I've found whaty I've been looking for. I may decide to go back, but I've been to the edge of the univers.
[fourth row]: “holey shit, that's not me, that's me, both things are the same,
[fifth row]: The next thing that I felt like saying to you was, the previous sentacne? I forgot what i was going to say while I was writing that sentence.” I also said “shit” a minute ago, but didn't write it while I was typing.” between the I amd the forgot
At this point I think I decided typing was too hard, but still very much so wanted to try and explain my realization to my friends. I went downstairs and interrupted their workout video to try and explain. The were quite generous for listening to a ranting babbling bafoon. I spent the next hour or so trying to explain to ultimate truth to them. My words and explanations often ended in circles. But I described something about a deep realization that time is truely a 4th dimension, and that the big bang took place on the 3 dimensions that we live, but that I felt I had understood for one moment, the nature of the big bang.
It almost felt as though I was truely one with the universe, in the sense that I understood where every particle and electromagnetic wave currently were in the universe and could see how they all traced back to the big bang. As I was trying to describe these and other metaphysical concepts I continued to have moments of extreme understanding. A feeling that I'd come to a realization much too impossibly deep to try and describe. This lead me to the thought that perhaps communication, symbols and emotions exist on yet another dimension from energy, matter, space, and time.
My friends slowly became uninterested in my rambling, and I became aware of this and decided to let them be. I continued having the feeling of utter realization, and was trying to put it all together, but couldn't quite make it. I felt that the reason for not being able to describe or explain it was because the drugs had shown me the ultimate truth of only 'the universe,' or in other words, the first 3 dimensions. The following 2 dimensions of time and emotions were a whole seperate realm which I had no hopes of truely realizing.
I am currently having difficulty integrating this experience. I feel I still have a lot to think about to try put it all together, both in terms of metaphysics, and integrating these realizations in my daily life. I will say though, that I feel I went as deep as a drug could possibly take me. On a final note. When I was there, in the ultimate truth. I felt great goodness and joy. This lead me to believe that the nature of the universe is benevelent and good. Perhaps that is the strongest lesson I can take from this experience.
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