Citation: ESP420. "How I Almost Died: An Experience with Oxycodone, Diazepam, Lorazepam, Carisoprodol & Cannabis (exp64276)". Erowid.org. Oct 5, 2009. erowid.org/exp/64276
To begin, I'm a 19yr old college student who's been suffering from severe depression for over a year. Recently it led me to become suicidal and spiral out of control with my prescription drug abuse which resulted in a near-death overdose on Oxycodone in the form of crushed OxyContin taken both orally (40mg) and insufflated (80mg). The overdose also included several other depressant drugs including: Diazepam (40mg), Lorazepam (3mg), and Carisoprodol (1050mg). Cannabis was used as well.
My drug experience is: Cannabis, Opioids (oxycodone, morphine, hydrocodone, codiene, propoxyphene, meperidine), Benzodiazepines (diazepam, alprazolam, lorazepam), Carisoprodol, Cocaine, LSD (Acid), MDMA (Ecstacy), Mushrooms, Salvia, Kratom, DXM, Alcohol, Tobacco.
So hereís my story:
I was finally able to get my hands on some OxyContin 40mg tabs for which I paid only $10 each from a dealer. I had also been prescribed Valium 10mg and Ativan 1mg for anxiety and had purchased 120 Soma off an internet pharmacy for $90. Being an opiate lover, I had wanted to try OxyContin for awhile. I had tried oxycodone in the past but with mostly lower doses (10-25mg), had good experience with hydrocodone having dosed up to 70mg, and was pretty experienced with morphine, codeine, propoxyphene, and meperidine. But nothing would prepare me for my 3-day experience with OxyContin.
Unfortunately, the opportunity to get some came at a very low point in my life as I had been suffering from severe depression for over a year, recently had suicidal thoughts, and the depression was sinking lower and lower. I was at the point where life didnít feel too great and I didnít really care about anything. Combined with powerful opiates and other prescription depressants, the outcome of this situation couldnít be good.
So I bought my Oxys and had enough to fuck me up as much as I wanted. I started out crushing a pill and insufflating half (20mg) and taking the other orally (20mg). I was combining it often with Valium and Ativan, and later with Soma. I found myself rapidly increasing the OxyContin dose. I bought the OxyContins on Wednesday and overdosed Friday evening. I was pretty much fucked up on Oxy continuously. When I started dosing heavily I was unaware of what the drug was even doing to me, I was incoherent much of the time and donít remember a whole lot, especially on Friday.
From what Iím told, I was constantly stumbling, slurring words, dropping and breaking things, stepping on glass and not even realizing it, etc. I thought I was acting okay, but I was so drugged that my perception was off a bit. I canít remember if it was Thursday or Friday when I crashed my car on the opposite side of the road while heavily doped up on Oxy and Valium. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I suddenly lost all sight perception and my car drifted across the opposing lane and hit and jumped a concrete block, however the car was spared.
Hereís what I remember from the Friday I overdosed: I was on OxyContin the whole day. Remember, I was suffering from major depression and didnít have coherent decision-making abilities. The Oxy was an automatic relief from the pain I felt with depression. Well, it was late afternoonish and I was already very high from Oxys, Valium, Ativan, and weed. A brand new vaporizer and my Somas came in the mail that day which I was happy about. I basically said ďfuck it, Iím going as high as I can even if I stop breathing.Ē So I started chopping the Oxy. I began with 20mg snorted, 20mg oral, along with 30mg Valium and 2mg Ativan taken orally. I immediately wanted to snort more for the instant high and did another 20mg line of Oxy. I then proceeded outside for a few bowls out of my vaporizer and to chill with a cigar in the hot tub.
I decided pretty quickly to dry off and go in for some more Oxy. At this time I felt extremely high and couldnít walk or see straight. I came in and immediately took 20mg orally along with 10mg Valium, 1mg Ativan, and 1050mg Soma (3 tabs). I was then contemplating quitting while I was ahead, but contemplating didnít mean a whole lot in my state, so I snorted 20mg right there. This is when I started having pretty serious respiratory depression and couldnít really stand on my own two feet. At this point, I believe I tried hitting a vaporizer bowl, but couldnít operate it worth shit so I went over to my desk where all the drugs were. I was going in and out of consciousness, breathing very slowly, and could barely see straight. I was on the verge of total overdose when I looked down at the powdered OxyContin and said those two infamous words ĎFuck ití and snorted another 20mg as violently as I could.
The dose went straight up my sinuses and that was it. Almost instantaneously, I blacked out with faint breath and my skin reportedly turned very pale. Later that night, my brother came home and found me passed out in an odd position (half on my bed) and I was foaming at the mouth with no or very little breathing and cold pale skin. We donít know how long I was in the blacked out state, but they say I was found just in time or I wouldíve been dead.
All of the sudden my eyes were open. At first I could only see bright light which turned into a surreal vision of myself on my bed with many people (EMT, Police) standing around me, but everything was blurry and I couldnít hear or move anything. Everything went black again after maybe a minute or possibly only a few seconds, Iím not sure. My eyes opened again in the ambulance (at the time I didnít know where I was). The guy told me to piss in a cup, but I couldnít, so they did it the hard way. I remember them sticking me with a bunch of needles and attaching wires to me. From there I donít remember much except for bits and pieces when being admitted to the Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (locked psych ward) later that night.
Next thing I know I wake up in a room by myself and say to myself ďIím alive?Ē I was a bit woozy and unstable on my feet on Saturday, I was just really confused and still shocked at the whole situation, trying to piece together what happened. I spent the next 6 days in the psych ward which was pretty much hell. I got even more depressed and distressed while in the hospital. Security had to be called on me like 3 or 4 times. They had me on all kinds of drugs that basically made me a vegetable all day. The only thing I had to look forward to was a smoke break every hour where Iíd inhale a Black & Mild as fast as I could. Other than that I would just be sitting around staring at the walls doing nothing. What made it worse was that I couldnít really sleep for most of my time there which made it very agonizing. I was finally released and I was still trippiní over the whole event. I vowed to stick with the Ganja and leave pills alone.
This event changed my outlook on a lot of things. I realized that life isnít worth throwing away just because I'm going through hard times. I still suffer from depression, anxiety, insomnia, and flashbacks from the event but hopefully we can find the right treatment for me. I was inches from death, shouldíve been dead by most accounts, Iím still trying to put everything into perspective. I certainly have lots to still overcome, but I survived the edge of death and consider every day a bonus.
Thatís my story and I hope that somehow it can help others. OxyContin is a very powerful drug easily capable of taking life, whether intentional or accidental. Emotional problems are not solved by taking powerful drugs, they just provide a temporary false sense of relief which leads to worse problems in the end. And nothing is solved by death.
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