I Knew There Was No Turning Back
Heroin, Oxycodone, Morphine, Diazepam, Amphetamines, Buprenorphine & Naloxone (Suboxone)
Citation: Anonymous. "I Knew There Was No Turning Back: An Experience with Heroin, Oxycodone, Morphine, Diazepam, Amphetamines, Buprenorphine & Naloxone (Suboxone) (exp60746)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/60746
My typical workday would include the following: 5-10 10mg morphine pills oraly. 2-3 pills of dexadrine about 30mg oraly. Oxycodone 20mg pill insulfated. Valium 20mg oraly. It took alot of time to build up tolerance to this combo. I would wake up at my apartment and take all the pills described above at once. Somtimes I would cut down on the morphine but typicaly my dose was 100mg.
I started this habbit after I graduated high school. I slowly took opiates mostly oxycodone and methadone only when oxycodone was sold out. It took me a year to get up that quanity of drugs that I took everyday. After a year of perfecting my pill combo I knew there was no turning back. Besides I could buy my stash monthly so I never thought of the draw backs of leading this sort of lifestyle. Opiates didn't make sleepy they would be like pure instant energy and euphoria for the whole day. I took these drugs religously for 4 years. It made my shitty job feel great. When my contacts dried up I was a little scared but I didn't have a problem stoping the dexadrine... that was easy. The opiates and valium fucked me over. I learned very quickly that seizures happen when you withdrawl off of valium I had 3 seizures in one day. Plus the Flu like sickness from opiate withdrawl. I kept all such matters to myself no doctors no days off of work nothing. I have not felt rite at all after them seizures. It really really sucked. Well one day after being sober for 3 months I felt like I wanted jack a pharmacy in the middle night. I'm not that dumb but thats how bad I wanted the opiates.
Well not a few days later I went to a friends house and walked in on him shootin herion. I never tried herion. I didn't even know it was an opiate. I wasn't into needles at all but to satisfy the urge I gave in like a little bitch. I went to go buy needles once at a pharmy and the guy gave me a wierde look and just gave them to me. He wouldn't let me pay. That was nice of him to be concerned and better safe than sorry. After that taste of herion I was hooked all over again. I spent the next 3-4 years doing shooting herion 3-5 times a day depending on how good the dope was. One week an uncut batch came in and it somhow acsidently got sold to the public and 2 of my friends were dead after that week. If I wasn't warned about it I'd be dead too. I was sad I lost 2 friends but that didn't prepare me of the next 3 friends that died the same year. 5 friends in one year flush all becuase of the habbit. Thats when I thought it would be a good idea to see what kinda help is avalible for my opiate problem. I went to a local hospital and tried to sign up for detox. The girl nurse that was about my age did not believe I did such drugs. I am a neat freak always have to be clean dressed I OCD clean all the time even though I feel like droping dead to get away from this habit. The nurse gave me a urine test then sent me home. WTF what kinda detox is that I thought.
Oh my family didn't know of my habbit what so ever until after 2 years on herion. I told my family of what I have been doing the past 7 years and they didn't believe me. I felt like it was hopless for help. It was the worst thing I did to go ask for help like that. Hospital won't do nothing. Methadone clinic was on a 1 year waiting list and the drug supply was drying up. I can always get it but most of the other herion dealers had crap for sale. Time was running out fast and my body was just starting to go to shit becuase having a flu that never went away and just the most horrible sleepless nights possible. You know how it is. The next week after my hospital visit I got a phone call from methadone outpatient place. They said I tested positive for 8 controlled substances found in my urine sample. I had diazepam opiates cocaine thc norediazepam methadone and some bullshit thing called pyote cactus. I never tried pyote intentionaly I guess it was in the weed I was smoking. So anyway the phone call was about an emergency admition to methadone outpatient clinic. Hell ya I thought free methadone everyday was too good to be true. But I aslo had some friends that are prescribed methadone for pain and they told me never to go on the stuff becuase withdrawls from that last months.
I found out the hard way when I got kicked out for having marijuana in my piss too many times. I then wanted a private doctor who could just prescribe me somthing without hanging out at the crackhead methadone clinic. Some people in there were disgustion and diseased nasty. I found a doctor that specializes in opiate addiction and he prescribed me 120 8mg suboxone pills each month cutting the dose down very very slowly. I was excited at first that was before I learned devoted opiate addicts don't get high off suboxone they just 'maintain'.
I sopose thats the idea its been over a year on suboxone and I will say its good and it sucks. I still jones like a MOFO on it. I would prefer a lifetime script to oxycodone. The only good thing is I havn't done illegal opiates for over a year I want to soooo bad. I smoke pot everyday thats a givin. This is one battle I will never win. I'm not the only one losing either. I plan on getting some methadone from my buddy so i can take a break from a shitty year.
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