Citation: Xorkoth. "Reptilian Collective Consciousness: An Experience with DOC (exp52988)". Erowid.org. May 9, 2006. erowid.org/exp/52988
Where to begin...
Well, I suppose from the beginning would be a logical place to start.
So, last night I decided at about midnight to consume 3.2mg of DOC. I took it and sat around for a little while in bed, watching TV with my girlfriend. Well, by 1:00 I was shockingly far in. DOC seems to produce a state of 'divine delerium' in me, in that I'm only partially consciously aware of what's happening to me at the time. Nevertheless, the logical part of my mind which remained at that time said that I was definitely in for a ride, considering I should have been just getting first alerts. Instead, my entire field of vision was morphing wildly, and I could barely keep onto a train of thought.
By the time 2:00 rolled around, I was actually feeling more sober, strangely; although my visual field was still morphing dangerously, I felt pretty clear-headed. So I went downstairs to smoke a couple of hits out of my vaporizer.
And all hell broke loose.
I went upstairs and turned on a CD with various good tripping tunes on it, and began to listen while browsing online... this time 2C-P mostly. Before long, I realized how massively fucked up I was. I mean, I've been to some pretty weird places with psychedelics, and seen some amazing visuals during some of those times. But this has to take the cake in terms of weird and altered. Everything I looked at sparkled with a radiant luminescence, and literally dripped shining sparkles in strange, hovering 3-dimensional constructs. Anything that went by my field of vision would sprout multiple tracers completely with trailing fractals and swirling colors. My cats appeared to be moving in stop-motion animation, and their fur was constantly growing and shrinking. Fantasic imagery was appearing in my mind's eye of classicly psychedelic mandalas and abstract art.
Throughout this process, I started to realize that my state of mind was extrenely chaotic and just, frankly, LOUD. Every few moments, the intensity in my head would reach a literally painful conclusion, and I'd be forced to close my eyes and roll them back in my head, effectively losing focus completely from whatever I happened to be doing or thinking at the time. Throughout the 80-minute long CD, I read exactly 1.75 2C-P reports, and ine of them was read quickly as I sat down, before it or the weed had really set in fully. The second report was never quite finished... it just kept reading various parts of it over and over and over again, unable to remember the point at which I had just been reading.
Needless to say, this was becoming rather frightening. I mean, this 'divine delerium' as I've taken to calling it was extremely, shockingly, balls-out intense. I felt as if I was spiraling out of control, sort of, and I was afraid of where I might go. Already my mind was brushing past some truly bizarre and profound mental areas which in my inebriated state I was totally unable to make sense of or even remember beyoond a few moments. My body felt physically fine, and my blood pressure did not really feel elevated, but as my cycles of intensity came on strong, I'd feel slightly unsafe, like my heart was fluttering or something.
Finally, the CD ended. Without the intensity of the music, I suddenly felt a little more okay. So I put on my second CD of the night, Shulman's 'In Search of a Meaningful Moment'. I turned it on and sat back to enjoy.
And my search was fruitful.
Whoa. During previous attempts with DOC, I had commented that I felt slightly annoyed that music was not more intensly felt, like with certain phenethylamines such as 2C-I and 2C-E. Well, shit... I take it back. It just has to be the right kind of music. Shulman is the right kind of music. It was perfect. Throughout the next 78 minutes, I had my mind blown apart, rearranged, and frankly, a little bit violated. What follows will surely be a pathetic attempt at recreating an ineffable experience, as is regrettably always the case, but in this case I think I'll be quite unabvle to communicate the place my mind was in, since I can't even remember the rest of the night in a linear fashion. But let me try... I feel that I must.
I can't remember when or how it started. All I do know is that, from about 3:20 - 4:40, my mind became smeared across the membrane of reality. It seemed, first of all, like it was 3:40 or 3:42 for damn near the whole song (which is 80 minutes long). The time dilation at this point was absolutely immense... I mean, literally, the clock would not move. This really stands apart from reason, as I was listening to sections of the song go by, over and over and over, and the time would not advance. This song, genious as it is, embodies the essense of a DOC trip perfectly, in that the idea of tyhe song is just in constant flux.
It was as if my mind was constantly being peeled back; everything that I saw or thought about would be revealed as a cover to that thought or concept, and that cover would peel back to reveal what was beneath it, except that at the same time it would be peeling back to reveal another layer. This was happening at such a rate that it was as if everything in reality was constantly in the process of unraveling on all of its layers simultaneously, but without ever fully doing so. This is very hard to explain, of course, but it was also happening to my very ego and every thought. As my ego began to unravel, I lost sequential memory of events, and retained a whole lot of eerie and profound flashes of insight and sensation.
I became aware, occasionally, that I was not in this headspace alone. it was as if I had the noisy chatter of everything else in my head with me. Without really being fully aware of this except in moments of brief and rather frightened lucidity, I realized I was shooting off into realms of thought that had nothing at all to do with me as a human being anymore. I was experiencing various inhuman incarnations of thought and experience... it was weird though. I still felt that I was me, but that my ego was only thinly attached to me, so that I could see through it and into whatever lay beyond. I wish I could remember this part better or in more detail... but sadly, I cannot.
What I do remember is that my kitty cat was amazingly attached to me. He sat in my lap the whole experience, and whenever I got up to go to the bathroom or pace around or something, he would follow me so closely that he would be obstructing my walking by circling around my legs, meowing frantically until I bent down to pet him. My other kitty was very erratic and freaked-out looking, and would run every time I came near her. I thought it was because she could sense the reptilian presence around me and it scared her. It sure seemed that they were tremendously affected, however, in some way. I begin to wonder if I brushed against them with my all-encompassing consciousness, as well.
Slowly I became aware that I was sharing this headspace with a definite reptilian collective consciousness. I mean, this was undeniable, and very disturbing, really. I was never able to get direct, comprehensible thoughts from them, but the main feeling I had from them was... cold amusement and cruelty. It was never able to come through completely, but this is most definitely the sense I got. There were certain moments in the song when this became extremely evident, and it was somehow linked to deep, deep DNA and some sort of primordial lnik with these reptilian intelligences. At the time, I had not the presence of mind to even think about anything that was happening to me. It was as if a massive wall of mental noise descended over me, shrieking endlessly and howling into my brain, burning its way into my sanity, destroying any conceivable short-term memory or temporal perception. The wave of reality distortion was all-encompassing and brutally efficient.
All day today, I've been flashing back to certain moments of the song from out of nowhere, and still am now, in fact, and every time it brings chills to my spine when I thinking of certain moments, the moments which I'm sure that my reptilian encounters happened in.
This continued for the duration of the long song, and it definitely made for a hazy, creepy, and profound experience. I was seeing everything in a totally new light, but I just wish I'd have had more of my consciousness intact to really absorb and think about it. After the song was over, I sat around for a little while, spacing out and tripping hard, and then it started to get a touch of light out, about 6:00. So I decided to try to get some rest.
Unlike with previous DOC trials, I had not come down even the slightest bit by this point. I laid down and closed my eyes, and I noticed that I could not stop twitching my limbs around and rolling. Also, my eyes would start rolling around in my head as I went on increasingly colorful and spinning mental journeys which I cannot remember at all. Strangely, just like other times I end up having strong trips and going to bed, I found myself arriving at the same 'place' in my thoughts over and over, and each time I'd open my eyes with a start and have to pee really bad. This happened probably 7 or 8 times between 6 and 8.
At about 9, I woke up to my girlfriend being awake. I opened my eyes, and looked outside into the bright front yard. The first I noticed was that it was BRIGHT! I mean, brilliantly, shiningly bright, but it didn't hurt my eyes. The second thing I noticed was that my perspective was still shifting wildly and morphing and bending in perspective constantly. Damn, I thought... it's never been this strong this long after taking it before. The third thing I noticed was that when I focused my eyes on anything at all, especially outside, I could feel my pupils opening up to let in more light, and the result was everything I looked at was extrenely bright and shockingly detailed, even from far away, and I'm nearsighted enough to wear glasses when I need to see distances clearly. I played with this phenomenon for a while, enjoying my enhanced sight. I checked the mirror in the bathroom, and lo and behold, my pupils were still moderately-sized dinner plates... as big as ever. DOC doesn't make my pupils massive like mushrooms and 2C-E do, but it keeps them moderately large and constantly fluctuating in size. It also has the strange property of changing my eye texture.
Anyway, we decided to go downstairs. I took 4.5mg of hydergine, 500mg of centrophenoxine, and 900mg of piracetam for good measure, and we decided (probably foolishly) to go drive west, into the North Carolina mountains because the day was so beautiful. First, we spent about a half hour smoking a vaporizer, which really kicked it back into gear a little bit, as I think did the nootropics. We got in my car, and I realized that everything was still shifting on me. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
In retrospect, I really shouldn't have been driving, but she really wanted to go out and frankly, so did I. So we went.
We had a beautiful drive during which I started having troubles, but after about an hour, things cleared up and my vision was still very acute, but no longer significantly shifting enough to obstruct my driving. It was gorgeous out, and it was weird because as we drove into the mountains, we noticed that from minute to minute, the cloud patterns overhead were changing completely and utterly, as was the general feel of the surrounding landscape. My girlfriend, as she often does, picked up on my residual psychedelic vibes without her realizing what was going on, and as I slowly started transitioning into the second stage of the trip, we got into some animated discussions on the nature of nature, and other such matters.
We ended up driving 80 miles west and driving off onto some back country road, which was bizarre - one minute we'd be driving through the most decrepid, 100-year-old trailer park we've ever seen, and the next, we'd literally drive by a futuristic-looiking factor called 'CommWorld', and some nice, rich-looking houses. I was continually amazed by how much different it is driving around in the hills and mountains than in the Midwest where I grew up, because I cannot see anything more than where I am currently at the time, and so everything seems to change constantly as I drive through it. It was really great and just what I needed to be occupied with and thinking about given the nature of my trip.
We ended up driving straight to Hickory, a smallish town about 80 miles away that seems to sit on top of a small mountain. It was really crazy - we got there and noticed that the sky was endless; the clouds actually were stretching all the way below the horizon, giving the impression that we were literally on top of a mountain and in the sky. I suppose we were. The air smelled fresh and crisp, like electricity, which was interesting because a storm was brewing. We turned back because we decided we really didn't want to drive MORE than 80 miles back, and the entire way home, there was a storm breaking to our left, very close. Close enough that stray blasts of raindrops would occasionally get blown over onto my windshield. We watched with open mouths as the massive, ominous-looking raincloud broke open and poured forth not more than a mile to our north. It looked like a giant black tornado sweeping against the ground, but of course it was just rain.
Anyway, right before we got back I stopped and bought some alcohol, because we decided we'd like to drink a little bit. This proved to be a good idea. As I drank a small drink or two, I noticed that my pupils became significantly larger, and I definitely felt some of the intensity of the trip come back. It felt like I was spinning wildly and falling in free fall constantly... my body's energy was just spazzing out. This took me a little off guard but I enjoyed it, and also made some kratom later. For some reason, although I love kratom on DOC and it really makes the whole experience more mellow without detracting from it like it does with most psychedelics, it also makes me itch insanely, whereas usually kratom is not really strong enough to cause an opiate itch.
Anyway, the rest of the trip is not especially notworthy... I just chilled with my girlfriend, enjoying myself and analyzing the TV very closely without meaning to, as always happens when I trip and the TV is on. Despite on previous trials, where the intensity was mostly down by about 4 or 5 the next afternoon, this trip dragged on until 2 in the morning, and still wasn't over... my body just collapsed from exhaustion all of a sudden even though I didn't feel tired in my eyes. All day I was repeating various parts of the song 'In Search of a Meaningful Moment' in my head subcosciously, and getting massive chills and flashback impressions of the previous night's experience. I kept hoping I'd remember more, but I never did.
So, this DOC trip really opened my eyes to the true worth of DOC. It's weird; every time I've done it, it's gotten sequentially less 'recreational' and more downright serious and deep. The time previous to this, I took 4mg, and I entered the same state of divine delerium, except I was unable to take anything from it because my mind had not quite reached the state where reality was peeling back. Also, this time, the duration and speed of onset were eerily different from previous attempts. It just feels like every time I do DOC, it reveals itself to me more and more. It reaches out slowly but surely and completely engulfs me, mind, body and soul, and makes everything fall away in a beautiful display. However, this experience really told me that I need to have more respect for DOC and stop thinking of it as a fun recreational experience. I frankly was left feeling creeped out and violated by this experience although I'm glad I had it, and it was terrifying enough even while only half-aware that I spent fully half of my experience at least somewhat frightened and uncomfortable.
DOC, I have realized, is one sophisticated psychedelic, as I've noted before. I see many of the phenethylamines especially that I do as being far, far different from DOC, which more closely follows the theme of a tryptamine, in that it sort of smacks me in the face and makes me somewhat delerious for many hours, whereas the phenethylamines generally make me feel more sharp than when I'm sober.
Phenethylamines like 2C-E, while deep, just do not have the same ring of truth to them as this did and seem more forced and artificial - they seem to reconstruct my reality, and relate very well to my ego. This fine and probably more immediately useful and applicable of an experience. However, DOC seemed to unlayer reality on a fundamental level for me, and leaves no room for anything but the cold, hard truth. Also, I've never had any visuals approaching the kind I had that night. I mean, with 2C-E I've seen more complex, kaleidoscopic fractals, with sharper clarity, but there was something about DOC's visuals that reminded me of wading through a psychedelic soup - everywhere, all the time, there was completely reality distortion, floating color patches, sparkles, patterns, and everything I looked at attained an appearance like psychedelic art. I'd look at my cats, and they'd start to appear as those pictures of cats drawn by highly schitzophrenic people.
In conclusion, it was a great but rather bewildering trip, one of the most profound I've had. The only thing I'd wish for it was that I could be more aware so that I could better remember the experience. I need to learn how to better harness this trip's energy. But then again, would I really want to be in that state of mind unbuffered? I'm not sure...
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