Citation: Xorkoth. "Further Explorations of the Mind: An Experience with 2C-T-2 (exp47041)". Erowid.org. Oct 18, 2005. erowid.org/exp/47041
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11:40 - (AM) Ingested 22mg 2C-T-2 in solution over 10 minutes. I have some nice plans for the day; first, I'm going to make some new CDs and playlists with some new music I downloaded. Then, after the peak, I'm going outside to ride my bike for a while and attempt to commune with nature.
12:09 - Definitely have some alerts now. I wonder how strong this will get, considering I'm trying a higher dose than ever before. Of course, I probably have a bit of tolerance remaining from three days ago, so this may just even that out. I guess we'll see. I just started 11g of kratom brewing. This time I want to save it for nighttime, when I need to fall asleep and I will probably have that annoying back tension. Anyway, I need to get started on my music.
12:22 - The sweating begins. This new music is pretty intense. It sounds... deep. Deeper than the Infected Mushroom I've been listening to. The alerts are strong, strong enough already that I know this will be a little bit different from previous experiences with this compound. I haven't eaten anything today, which is actually a first in investigating 2C-T-2, so we'll see how that affects it. Already, my vision is blurring, distorting. The effects are minor at this point, but I know into what they will be evolving.
12:36 - Just began kratom extraction number 2. I feel rather nauseous, but it's a bearable kind of nauseous. Already my visual field is distorting and bending; it's coming on strong this time. Fortunately I remembered about 5 minutes ago that I had to call my future boss about a lunch event tomorrow. Even though I just left a message, I felt very strange and self-conscious doing it. I really hope I can remember to finish up the second kratom extraction... who know what will be happening by then. Already the white walls are awash in greens, blues, purples, and a little bit of faint orange.
12:45 - Humming or singing feels very cool in my chest. The vibrations seem very therapeutic. I'll have to try that out in a little bit. Right now I feel the urge to already begin getting lost in my closed eyes and the music, but I'm resisting momentarily because I don't want to leave the stove on with the kratom. It is quite an effort, however. My nauseous stomach is begging me to lie down.
12:48 - It's arrived. Pink Floyd's 'Shine on you' is playing, and the music is perceived as tendrils of ambient sound flowing and corruscating by my ears. 6 more minutes of kratom extraction.... whew.
12:59 - All done now. Pink Floyd's 'Cluster One' is about to be on. I find this song to be extremely psychedelic and a great initiaition into the mind's effects. I probably won't be writing much more for a few hours....
1:21 - Wow, it's so strong this time that I forgot all about my longtime and favorite ally, good 'ol Mary Jane. She always helps me to immerse.
1:50 - I'm sorry to interrupt, but some thoughts to not forget:
Each sound has its place
The last song - find what it is. Opening of third eye? Describe
Splitting of ego - the one who is critical (?strange explanation)
- The one who is supposed to be receiving the experience, experiencing it
- The observer. Or is the observe the same as the previous?
Weird ass sounds
must go back now
Conflict of ego - somehow
Soundscapes are so vivid inside my head
Strange that open-eye reality could look so normal right now
2:04 - The urge to communicate is strong.
- *********Syncronicity - my in-head visual of the song was EXACTLY the same as the one on MilkDrop
Each time I forget - remember the shining white light, I was at that place, with the glowing emanating from my chest
Every time I lay back down I remember things I meant to write. I wish I could write the entire time I was laying with my eyes closed, to record every movement of my brain. I wish I could see this forever, and I feel like I really can, if I could only remember.
2:08 - The urge to communicate has never been so strong. My fingers feel alive.
This is the definition of a 'head trip'
It's like unpeeling layers of an onion, except those layers are trains of thought, and beneath each there is another, ever-smaller and more intricate.
This will be fun (hard?) to explain later.
I feel how each part of my ego can work together to formulate what is coming out as I type.
2:59 - Felt just on the verge of opening the 'inner eye' so to speak.
I can remember a time or two where it was open but I hadn't realized at the time what that meant.
On DXM I had the experience of viewing my room, exactly like it actually looked, with my eyes closed. This went on for minutes, until I suddenly opened my eyes. I hadn't realized they were closed.
The flow of music so far has been very significant. But it is inevitably now leading into some dark places. I felt I have explored them enough for a while, so I've decided to alter my flow. Somehow it seems so hard to escape the pull of the music, like it has attained a consciousness and is mediating the experience.
Time to go for a bike ride. Rember the mixed thoughts on this
The music is stopped, but everything still has a rhythm.
3:46 - That was hard. There is no music right now... feels strange. Yet, I am hearing strange digital rhythms and beats in everything. Somehow my typing is in rhythm with the beat. About to imbibe the kratom, for I feel the tides turning into coming down, and I feel the need to communicate. My state right now is not very conducive to it, so the kratom is here to change that.
Mental note: Kratom is at least a hundred times more disgusting when it's refridgerated!! It attains a vile thickness.
* Gathering of the thoughts into post-trip mode *
First, I'd like to address the complete and utter difference between this and 2C-I. Although most people find 2C-T-2 to be more visual than 2C-I, now that I have explored some rather large doses of each I have to both agree and disagree. On one hand, the visuals from 2C-I are much more prominent with eyes open, and certainly more colorful. Also, 2C-I's visuals seem rich with archetypal significance, with patterns emerging from the chaos of whatever I'm looking at into somehow-familiar evocations. 2C-T-2's visuals take longer to spring forth as I stare at things, and they emerge into more chaotic-looking, fractal images. They are very fluid, easy, and they flow along with the music, and they seem clear, lacking in any visual color. 2C-I's visuals, in contrast, generally have very stark, well-defined borders, in complex geometries, and seem to be independent of whatever external stimuli are present. They are certainly more visually rich and beautiful. While under the effects of 2C-I, colors are enhanced into something I cannot normally perceive, and whites become awash in oranges, reds, and yellows.
However, these differences are superficial and only hint at the true differences. 2C-I's 'push', so to speak, is from the outside; it feels quite astral, and the imagery, thoughts, indeed, the whole content of the trip, feels as if it is being given to me by an external entity. As a result, the potential to feel out of control is greater, and the potential for fear. 2C-T-2, on the other hand, is VERY much in my head. In fact, simply opening my eyes can seem to bring me back to relative sobriety in an instant. However, its ability to create complex mindscapes out of music that reflect aspects of my own consciousness is simply unparalleled, in my mind. As a result, the potential to feel out of control is much lower than with 2C-I. However, the sense of responsibility for my own condition is much greater, and so the potential for true psychological damage to be done is, I believe, greater. But with great gain comes great rewards; certainly 2C-T-2's environment is MUCH more conducive to psychodynamic therapy than 2C-I's.
In reading back through my notes from above, I would now like to begin formulating a more coherent train of thought about it all. The urge to communicate while tripping has never been so strong as it was during this peak. Given the mental events taking place then, I think this makes sense, and as a result, I think that this has been my most significant mental journey as of yet, at least in my recent adventures.
The trip began like any other. I hadn't eaten any food so far today, and I could definitely feel the difference in coming-on effects. I actually felt more nauseous, physically. I actually almost threw up on many an occasion. However, the psychodynamic body load was significantly less... it was much sooner that I was able to lie back and enter my thoughts, uninhibited by unpleasant body vibes.
Certainly the peak began at exactly 1:50, as may be evident by my notes. Already the experience had been extremely immersive, but at this point I began to access areas of my consciousness that I felt needed some work. This was to be a therapy session of unsurpassed usefulness!
I feel I must begin with the absolute foundation upon which this drug works. That foundation is what I like to call a 'soundscape'. Now, for most of us, music naturally conveys a little more than just sounds. We may get some sense of communication, or of feeling, or of shape. With 2C-T-2, this is taken to the extreme, and I am able to truly immerse myself into the music. Closing my eyes and being still are essential to the experience. It is really complete synaesthesia. The music becomes everything to me, and I can see, hear, feel, touch, taste, and most amazingly, I get a very clear feeling of the geometric shape of the music. This shape is, of course, not something directly transferrable to the visual spectrum, however. So this soundscape, then, is essentially a massive ball of blended senses that exists only within my own head. Open my eyes, and it's gone. I've truly found, MUCH more so with this than any other psychedelic, that the ability to meditate within my own closed-eye environment has EVERYTHING to do with the experience.
Now, upon this foundation of soundscapes the entire trip is born. In that inexplicable, psychedelic kind of way, these landscapes of sound attain meaning, and they are attached to various functions of the brain. Through these associations, free association begins to occur, shockingly in tune with the music. In fact, it will seem as if the music is literally alive, and is very consciously mediating and guiding the direction of the trip. The sound will begin to seem like it's coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. Various sounds will sound like they're coming from places in my brain. These free associations spawn many random trains of thought. Now, meanwhile, my conscious mind still knows that this is a drug's effects, so every so often I'll snap out of whatever train of thought I'm on, and it will peel back like an onionskin, revealing another, deeper, somehow linked train of thought. Just letting myself flow with these is wonderful entertainment if nothing more for many hours.
Now, on to my experience for a while. Sometime between 1:50 and 2:00, the music was this incredibly psychedelic, 20-minute-long song (Shpongle's 'Divine Moments of Truth') involving meditation mantras and related stuff. I suddenly had the intense feeling that my third eye chakra was about to open. Now, I don't really even know what a third eye chakra is. I only know that it is supposed to be open, and it has been before, but it isn't now and hasn't been for a long time. I began to see, almost as clearly as with the eyes open, a scene much like the one I was starting to see when the other entities tried to make contact with me on 2C-I, except this seemed more Egyptian in archetypal imagery. I was seeing an immersive landscape in full 3-D in front of me, like I was awakening into it. In fact, it was very real and detailed, but it was missing color of any kind, and lacked definition in an inexplicable kind of way. I began feeling this tremendous energy radiating from out of my chest, and I somehow began to feel like I was, literally, opening a third eye. Faint color began to seep into the image, but before it could open completely I lost my grip on it, and the music immediately changed as if to smooth it over. The moment had passed. But it felt very significant, and it's good for me to know that I can keep working on it.
At this point I observed, as a result of the peeling back of my thought trains, that my ego, my 'I', is actually, in effect, three different selves. Or maybe more. The one, sort of the 'good guy', the one I most associate with being 'me', is the one that the experience was supposedly given to experience. That particular self was the receiver. Another 'me' was 'The Critiquer'. This aspect of myself was the one who is responsible for social akwardness, and I could see how it would look for any signs of weakness, or 'weirdness', whatever that means, to point out so that it could feel better about itself. This is the part of my mind that is responsible for any times in my life I have picked on anyone, or pointed the finger. However, more importantly, I saw how this part of my own consciousness was really hurting me as a whole. When it felt that my ideas were getting too 'abnormal' or 'dangerous', it would quickly ridicule, and my thoughts would peel back to expose a new, 'safer' layer. It was really adding to my psychodynamic babble!
I wasn't able to get much work done on this today, but I did realize that, because I was picked on so much when I was young, this part of my consciousness was mostly repressed when dealing with others. This is why I find conflict so difficult, and why it's hard for me to stand up to others. That part of my brain won't do it to other people, so it had to turn its energy inward, to make the other part of my brain ('me') feel stupid for feeling bad that I can't deal with the conflict. In this way, my own brain has been conditioned to work against itself. Although I wasn't able to get much work done with it today, I now know that it's there, and I feel that just by knowing the problem, I can make steps to fix it when I notice it happening. Essentially, this 'accusatory' aspect of human consciousness is probably necessary to help us deal with the world, but it really seems to do much more harm than good. Even when I turn it on others, it's really just to make me feel better about myself. And I should be able to feel good about myself on my own, because I love myself, not because, 'well, hey, I'm better than this asshole.'
Anyway, after only about eight minutes of full mental hallucinations, I suddenly, once again, felt the strong desire to communicate what I was thinking, and a crazy synchronicity occurred. This was that the soundscape inside my head was particularly vivid right then, and the visual portion was standing out clear and colorful. I got up to write the experience I had just had, and realized that the visualization program, MilkDrop, was literally showing the EXACT same visual that my head was playing for me. Strange that a computer program could generate a visual that is so in-synch with the one naturally produced by my brain. Maybe that's why I have always loved MilkDrop much more than any of the other, similar, and more popular visualization programs.
Anyway, during this time, that same song, Shpongle's 'Divine Moments of Truth' was playing. This song is incredibly good, and during this part, they had one of those asian men doing that 'triple singing', you know, with a really deep, mid, and whistling voice singing all at once. I began once again to see in 3-D, as if from my third eye. A growing sense of power and beauty and purity was growing in my chest, and suddenly bright white light flooded into the image, suffusing it with the most pure, beautiful radiance. I have no idea what this was, nor do I now, but the need to communicate it was so strong that I actually interrupted the experience to open my eyes and write - which is when I noticed the visual was the same on my computer as it was in my mind.
I just remembered, also, the importance of proper body position to be receptive to the trip. I find that the mental visions are much more natural in coming when I lay flat on my back, holding a pillow to my chest, and tilt my head back so that, if my eyes were open, I would be staring straight up into the heavens. The pillow on my chest starts to feel like it's being compressed and emitting a great deal of heat, and somehow gives a strange sort of focal point to the trip. Also, somehow the tilted back head is important. This aspect of the trip is difficult to describe for me, but it allows for optimum blending of senses.
At this point in the trip, my mind is absolutely fluid and alive, thinking more thoughts than I have thought in a long time. Every time I go back to lay down after writing a few scrawled notes, I instantly remember ten things I wanted to write down but forgot, and then I thinking of two more while I'm remembering the ones I forgot. As a result, I've forgotten the vast majority of the detail of the trip. Suffice to say, I went on many mental adventures, some of which were mentally significant. I wish I had the ability to automatically record all of the thought processes happening in my brain. It reminds me of when I was a young child, and my brain was constantly running, thinking things, at every single moment of my life. I feel like I should be able to operate like this always, and somehow the world had tried to crush that ability out of me, out of us. I think a main part of the therapeutic value of this drug is the ability to see through that and realize that it is still possible to see the world through the eyes of a child, with that unquenchable wonder and awe and excitement and beauty.
At this point, I begin recognizing how each part of my ego works together (or against each other) to formulate the actual flow of words that emerges. The music begins taking a turn for the dark, and song after song brings me to some not frightening but not entirely pleasant places. I become aware of another part of my ego, or rather, it was my id, to use Freudian lingo. Simply a massive, overriding desire. Desire for anything, just pure desire. I tried calming it down, and telling it that it had to take more of a backseat in my conscious thought, and I think it worked somewhat.
At this point, I decided to go for a bike ride. I failed to realize that my bike had to be put back together first, so after a long period of doing that, I finally went for a ride. It was exhilarating, but otherwise unremarkable. After this the trip rapidly dropped off, partly due to my consumption of kratom to combat the post-trip back tension and slight headache.
Overall, I've pretty much already said everything there is to say about it, other than the fact that there was less of a positive afterglow withy this trip than the previous, but I believe that to be because I've been doing 2C-phenethylamine, particularly this one, a little too often lately. With my new job starting, I will have far fewer opportunities to do so from now on, so that should be fine.
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