Citation: Raye. "Most of All I Sleep: An Experience with Cannabis (exp41639)". Erowid.org. Jul 23, 2007. erowid.org/exp/41639
Well I am addicted I guess. I know that weed isn't addictive but something has got to be going on. I started smoking in 2002 that's over 3 years ago. It first started out like many other people, I would smoke once a week on the weekends. I would NEVER smoke during the week or before work. I would also not tell many people that I was smoking. I would smoke with my sister and my cousin (they were already a year into their addiction and smoked every day). Weed was like the antidote for crap in my life. I never got along with my family and for once I was hanging out with them (at my grandmother's house which is where we smoked it). I have had insomnia since I was about fifteen and suddenly I could sleep! Let me tell you, that was the number one reason I continued to smoke, sleep is worth almost anything to a hardcore insomniac. Soon I began smoking more and hanging out more. Then I got a car and it made getting back and forth to my grandma's and work and school was that much easier. I began smoking more and more and driving home at 5:30 in the morning so my grandmother wouldn't know we were up all night smoking weed. It's like time passes so fast and slow all at the same time and I really enjoy the company.
In those early days, we would enjoy being high so much and hanging out with each other getting high was everyone's first choice. I began to ignore my other friends and just exclusively hang out with my sister and cousin. I felt like I was on top of the world but I was becoming a bit anti-social. I realized this one day on November 18, 2002 and decided that I was going to quit smoking weed and cigarettes and get it together. That all went to crap when I got home and the Arizona Police were on the phone telling me that my father died and I just crashed. I don't think I have ever been that high that long in my life. I was pretty much high every day (with the exception of my father's funeral) until August 2003. I wasn't quite strung out but my life was vastly different and I couldn't figure out how I got there and I wasn't sure if weed was the reason, a factor, or had nothing to do with it at all (I'm honestly still not sure). I had two friends, one sort of friends, my sister and my cousin. I was stuck in the same job that was going no where and I had dropped out of school.
I decided that I was going to stop for a week and see how it felt. But the thing was, I had no social life outside of going to work and smoking with my sister and cousin (and various people we smoked out-I was the nicest person if we were going to share sacks). so while they were smoking, I would sit outside and cry because I couldn't be in there while they smoked (I would have smoked too), and I was very emotional from the withdrawal. It was a very low period for me. But after only a week I cracked mostly because I couldn't sleep and I desperately needed to sleep. My life was empty and if I couldn't sleep then I wasn't sure what I would do. I even thought of suicide. What really gets me is that it was such a big deal to stop but as soon as I decided to start again, that was it. I just started like it was nothing. At this point I was living at my grandmother's but I was about to move into my friends house in January of 2004 so I could go to school and (so my friend thought) kick the weed habit for good.
But it didn't matter I continued to smoke and actually it helped me in school. I really don't know if the difference was weed or my outlook on life but whatever it was, it worked. I love smoking before class. I've just recently started smoking weed before class on the campus. I was a little wary but actually it's wonderful. It makes me talk more (I'm horrifically shy to the point of social retardation) and I actually hit on this guy that I really like recently because of smoking a blunt before class. I know I make weed sound bad, but the truth of it is I love smoking. That's the only reason I continue right? I mean I think back to the hardest of times and when I had nothing but weed. It's almost like an old friend that I could never leave behind even if it has done bad for me on the occasion. It made me calmer, I get along better with people, I lose those crappy inhibitions and MOST OF ALL I SLEEP. Sleeping is like the best thing in the world. Bad stuff are the munchies (I've gained a lot of weight) and the laziness that sometimes accompanies weed smoking, it's illegal (which is really the worst part of it), now that everyone knows that I smoke they're always asking if I'm high whenever I mess up or don't understand them.
It gets very annoying. But over all I love it and can't imagine going more than two days without it. That's sad but not to me. I wonder if it's weed that makes me not care or the fact that I love it so much.
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