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I Wish I Could Be Free
Tobacco - Cigarettes
by Anonymous
Citation:   Anonymous. "I Wish I Could Be Free: An Experience with Tobacco - Cigarettes (exp24984)". Erowid.org. Jul 3, 2006. erowid.org/exp/24984

 
DOSE:
  smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes (daily)

BODY WEIGHT: 105 lb


I have been smoking on and off now for the past 6 years, but deep inside I will always be a smoker. I honestly wish I had never started, but no matter how hard I try the cigarettes always pull me back.

It all started when I was 12 and I was offered a drag by one of my close friends. I coughed a little and my lungs didn't feel to special, but I went back for more. I did this because I was curious as to what was so good about it, why so many people did it, addiction was the furthest thing from my mind.

Over the years I have gone from smoking 2 or 3 cigs a day to a pack, sometimes more depending on my stress level, whether or not I'm going to a party, or where I am. Different situations prompt different levels of desire for a cig.

It has been an on and off battle for me, I have had some successes, but none really because I am back where I started and I'm smoking more than ever. I'm only 18 now and I'm scared that if I don't quit soon I could be up to 2 packs a day within the next 6 years.

2 packs a day and only 24 years old? God I hope not.

I wish I had never started, but now it seems so hard. I've been smoking for so long that it's hard for me to find a place where I don't have the urge to light up. I want to quit so badly, but I always end up back where I started.

I regret every cigarette I smoke, and every dollar I've wasted on them, but I continue to smoke and I continue to waste.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 24984
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 3, 2006Views: 15,148
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Tobacco - Cigarettes (266) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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