Citation: Anderson B.. "Psilohuasca: The Confirmation: An Experience with Mushrooms, Passion Flower, Cacao & Cannabis (exp115127)". Erowid.org. May 7, 2021. erowid.org/exp/115127
[This report was updated with a retrospective addendum in January 2022 and December 2022 and an retrospective introductory paragraph in June 2022]
Hello this is Anderson B! This is my submission The Confirmation. The following trip report goes over a time in my life when I was a little confused, I even used Psilocyben to gain perspective and a confirmation that I was indeed not unforgiven (damned) and in fact forgiven in life. This report I said certain things some would consider biblical I indeed said those things. At that time I was not ready to type, I wish I had known. We all live to tell the tale, mine being I wish this report wasn't uploaded. Anyways I'm getting tired of the typing, here is my old self's report...
Well hello fellow seekers of the divine, I am a different breed for sure, I don't take psychedelics in the way a lot of people do, I take them to gain insight and clarity, to get closer to God and strengthen my faith.
I took 4.5G lemon-tek this time to refine my mind and get to the bottom of a personal trauma. That trauma has long been for about 2 years me doubting in my higher power, I was faithless and perverse for a couple of years, this caused a decent amount of wear and tear on my soul over the two years, only recently have I came back to the path and started healing and restoring my soul. I follow Yahuah the creator, Yahusha the son and the Ruach HaKodesh (holy spirit) by study, seeking the truth, worshiping in spirit and in truth. I'd say that living in divine morality is a big segment of what in my opinion what the psychedelic experience is trying to suggest/ offer. I am on here this time to share a Psilohuasca experience I had starting a day ago. I picked up 5.59G's of shrooms for 80$ (waaay overpriced, I know, I was a 'lil desperate as you can tell). I gobbled down one shroom which weighed 0.59G's that night and smoked a maddening amount of weed with my friends that night, I learned that night that I can smoke a LOT of weed and maintain myself if I will myself properly and am around good vibes at the time. I, before I get into the main trip, would like to report on how the TEST mushroom trip which lead up to this trip went, I only planned of taking 4.5G's with the lemon Tek during the main experience. P.S. Feel free to skip the pre-trip (Gauged) experience if you just wanted that.
(Side-Ride) The little trip before the big trip (Day before):
0.5G's Shrooms dropped via lemon Tek, I finish the cacao drink consisting of 38 beans, hoping for the effect to intensify and amplify what I would feel off of .5G's, and of course with the Cacao, I took 2 Passion flower extract capsules. Both of these react with the shroom effects, its been dubbed that Cacao and Shrooms are the foods of the gods, especially when combined together! These two have a synergistic-like effect. The Passion flower and the Cacao have a weak MAOI inhibition factor that I consider to have greatly impacted both of the trips. I noticed that the effects started kicking in within less than10 minutes, I got my weed and my speaker and I decided today was a sunny and warm day and that the streets were clear of snow, ideal for longboarding, especially in January.
Around this point I am getting ready to go, I am noticing a gradual shift in my perception of consciousness, I feel slight sedation, possibly form the Cacao and Passionflower.
I smoke some weed then get my board and I get going, I am noticing that the effects intensify after smoking, I feel great, decent headspace and I'm just vibing at this point. I bring J's board along with me and feel amazing, going down that road I felt like I was 'It'. I didn't even have music bumping on my speaker, I had freestyle beats going on by a producer called unknown instrumentals. My freestyling was out of this world, it was immaculate. I switched up the flow time and time again, I was surprising myself by the bar. I was boarding by the nature and it almost 'called out to me'. Like usual I took the crows cawing to mean something was wrong with myself. When I got to the end of my street unto the next, I was noticing how I 'felt', I was existing to feel and experience, in the moment and flow dope. I was off to the rendezvous point indeed.
On the way to the meet up point aka the halfway between me and J's house I was just seeing visual patterns begin to cover my visual field, very slight, mostly only seen behind closed eyes. I listened to a video on Cacao's profound effects and how it can be used in access to the divine especially used by the native shamans of South America to use in conjunction with mushrooms. I ended up sitting next to the school to wait for J because she got delayed a little, I just sit down and reflect on how I am feeling, I am more articulate than usual so I express my word of the divine flow into a snap recording (for the archives). Taking some "This is the like the precursor?" "How much more intense does it get?" "A lot." I said. I felt this refined sense of praise for nature and creation in these moments. I take my leave, I use her board (Shoulda asked) and I ended up unknowingly scratching the bottom of her new board! I am glad I didn't know that till later, didn't winna trip about something like that during this experience.
Coming up pretty decently, I am noticing the effects amplifying and the combo just feels amazing even at this point, especially while being emerged in nature on the longboards! I feel even at this point a growing connection with nature and oneness with myself, I notice my thoughts begin to be enhanced in their thought processes and I feel and 'ease' of things which distract me from the kingdom of heaven, I was embodying my higher self.
Enhancing my psychiatry, I feel so poetic, like everything is happening in a divine rhythm or manner, I can feel natures structure and order, I am so at peace with my surroundings that the ducks don't fear me, I felt as if they knew I was absent of ego and a part of nature too, just like they 'or me' I should say were.
Me and J whilst out here all this time were working on her school project which was taking symmetrical photos, this in its own added to the trip because it got me thing even, equal, polarity, symmetry, all of which we ponder and experience of psychedelics, especially in their geometry. The photos were all good so far, the bridge we took a photo of was what leads to the next part of this trip, when I smoked.
So we pack up a bowl and a joint gets rolled, now take in mind, I am tripping pretty decently, right now, a ways above how a threshold dose feels, since I LT'd it and added the Cacao and Passion Flower, feels more like 1.5G's and a different headspace than that a regular shroom trip, 'lil more clarity and visual aspect. The weed after I hit it smacks! I am zooted and the effects intensify that much more, again the nature is a common theme with my trips as it always purifies and potentiates the experience overall, sober or tripping/ smoking. We go to our chill spot, its over the bridge right by the train tracks, its so cool because the spot overlooks a small creek that runs though a open part thru the hill. We just talk life and have a chill stoner sesh, I got so high like I said that I questioned "Is this the highest I've ever been?", I also was so stoned that I was afraid I might fall off the overlook into the creek! Lastly before we parted ways from the chill spot I'd like to mention just how bonded me and my friend we're we already knew what the other was bouta say, stoner biz I guess. Me and J then proceed down the tracks, we go so far down to the point where we see a train, she immediately has the idea to snag another symmetry photo, this time of a train which is stationed in a spot, still and not moving, we go up to it gradually, she wants me to follow but at this point I'm blasted and I am having thoughts like oh well what if she dies? Is this how we die? Are we gonna get ran over for this stupidity of will the people at the fire station by the tracks call us in? Or the engineer? Anyways I was just growing in paranoia, I eventually gained the resolve to deal with it so I did.
We start walking to the school, a couple extra pictures were taken here, once we got to the path that leads to the school we progressed forward a little, then I was instantly reminded in my being of how one must be child-like in the sense that they are innocent and humble themselves to the fathers will, to enter the kingdom of heaven. I was then thinking back pretty vividly and feeling connected to younger me and I remembered how fun it was to be 'at play' with creation and the universe, and how I don't need a care in the world to be truly alive. We progressed along the walk and passed the play equipment, we made our way down to the gazebo, we thought it'd make another decent symmetry photo, it did not Lol. I sat in there and meditated.
The visuals all took form around me, they looked very clean and slight, it was mostly a body high and cognitive high. There was definite auditory effects, I felt so warm, the cacao really did an amazing job so far I had thought to myself, it was very warming and helped me to open my heart chakra and love life.
We arrive home by this time, the way back was very exciting, we went through a nature trail and the way that it felt to longboard was like I didn't even have legs and that I was just floating going forward. I could longboard better too by the way, I noticed an enchanting of my natural ability and understanding.
[T+3h and beyond]
When ever I did my yoga it was more intense and deep than usual, it also enhanced the visual experience and gave me more energy. I ate a detox smoothie. Another note about these trips is that the weed is enhanced by the cacao too! So its a party of entheogens that all interact with each other, even the PF and Cacao have a common synergy alone. I was able to go to bed that night a little late but not tool ate, the weed defiantly helped with that.
So you might be wondering why this trip was my 'confirmation' as I say, this trip was so very inspiring and so very rejuvenating, though some parts were rough on my soul, when I finally found the divinity within self, the white light, when I found Yahusha and repented properly I was so, so set for life! All in all the mentality gained from this trip is, go on! You got it, keep going, you will make it, you have it within yourself, (you are complete, I learned that I am like no other, I AM Nate, the only NATE, I realized I am ORIGINAL as can BE. I realized that I am very resilient and learned a lot about my life and how even though I was different an a mess and have a damaged soul, I am still worthy of eternal life and I can put the Kingdom first, that its all already provided. My soul was/ has been damaged/ hit because I lacked within myself, I was not careful with my unlearned wisdom which I had gained from psychedelic usage, as Carl Jung once said "Beware of unearned wisdom." If you are new to psychedelics, just be aware of this grave error and earn your wisdom, psychedelic or not. And thank the plant teacher for revealing truth to you, use it as a tool, as a guide. If you are wanting to get straight to The Confirmation, go to *** 'The Dose' section. ***
I wake up. I assemble my supplies for the trip, I inspect it to be the 4.5G of shroom power mixed with 3 Passionflower Extract Capsules, 50mg of CBD, 3 Melatonin's (Usually makes my trips more like a 'syrupy-haze' in a good way, it adds a deeper sleep-state element to the trip and can create a loopy-like state.), my weed nug and my Lemon all ready to go, all I had to prepare last was the Cacao powder drink.
I smoke up a nice amount for my tolerance, enough to make me indeed want to go on this walk I had planned earlier when I woke up. I get my bowl, lighter and weed, I might've dosed a small amount of shrooms like a micro dose of 0.1-0.2G as well, I head out on my walk, its amazing already, the weed is feelin me a-ok, I listen to some Montana of 300 and some other artists, now its crazy because I do remember feeling the shrooms from the previous day when I smoked, along the path I saw amazing visuals which interconnected and I felt very cool, I felt original, I remember just submitting to Yah and letting him have his will (way) in me that I might do according to it and be right, I started to get really into the walk, I started to just be able to let go of this worldly life and just 'exist' out here in the snowy cold, my coat of course is keeping me decently warm. I spot out some dog tracks and see human steps next to it, I imagine being that owner experiencing life walking his/her dog as them. I cross the train tracks and enter the main path that I like, I go past the fire station into the woods, this trail is decently immersive, I feel the connection to nature and life and the natural rhythms of nature. I greet a man and his dog, a real human genuine interaction is what took place, I felt like I blessed the guy and the guy blessed me, like we exchanged good energy/ vibes. The dog was just attracted to me for some reason, I just put off this vibrant and inviting aura, I even at one point had to point or gesture the dog away from me, just so the man could continue walking along. I was wearing my Yahuah (God) Name coat, I was walking around feeling so blessed and hopeful, walking with straight faith and I felt so free on this walk out in nature. I walk up the hill path and I feel and realize I AM god or godly even, I AM the observer of this reality. I am a microcosm in a macrocosm.
I arrived at a bench and smoked the rest of what I had. I then went back on the walk praised Yahuah and I felt so close to flow and spirit, especially cause I was listening to some rap and vibing. I took a good picture of visual symmetry of a tree at which I chilled for a while and texted some people, which is unusual for me. I make a "Morning Wood" joke about it. I went off trail directly into nature and went up to a tree close and personal and allowed myself to receive and channel its telluric energy though myself and I became grounded. I hugged the tree and was on my way.
I see a police car by the fire station and I'm like "what if he knows?" I proceed down the path and have rather interesting thoughts concepts and ideas run though my head, I also keep surrendering more and more, today is the big day, this is when I trip.
I go into nature and immerse myself again, this time I became one with that "sliver of life" that is still alive around this time in the winter, its almost like nature never truly dies in the winter, it just goes to sleep, it just hibernates, I thought, damn... "These trees are mostly warm anyways because a lot of their makeup is just the root system underwound, and its always warmer down there than the surface, right?" The trees never die, the leaves do but, even in that some leaves never fall off in the winter, they stay there, I noticed the dripping effect of the melted snow dripping off the leaves providing a damp and snowy atmosphere, I took notice in that the trees drip off water from their old leaves that never fell off and it become a brownish-hue that covers the snow, at first I thought it was animal pee. I heard and saw the ducks in the distance. I also eyed a fox on my way.
I go down the hill which leads to a bridge that goes over a creek by my main trail, I greet the ducks in the area, I observe them as they observe me going by, I am not viewed as a threat by them to my surprise, as in the past I usually was, perhaps its to do with how in tune I am with nature or not.
I arrive at the trail behind my house which leads to it via redwood st, and I just am in absolute awe at what I am experiencing, I am one with the animals. I pause in my awe and I see the texture on the ground and yes it is definitely more defined and textured, the only part was that I saw the ground and it was nasty looking, like all that damage I did to my soul over my disobedience over the years was manifest right before my eyes, its as if I had texture perish from my vision, I was however provided with a sense of, I am gonna be alright and I CAN and WILL heal this damage, as I have in the past. I remember hearing all the birds, its like they were singing to me, it like I provided the life to experience them and their songs of joy and all the variation thereof, I for one saw no separation between me and the birds/ animals. I heard many of the birds doing my favorite chirp ever! This chirp was exactly the divine dew that radiates the essence of the psychedelic experience for me, my 2nd or third LSD trip back when I was 17, I remember at dawn after a night long mind-bending lucy trip which took me so far from this world that even a TV was absolutely alien and odd to me. I remember the birds that morning, the atmosphere was psychedelic and pure, time was expanded and when cars went by it took a longer time than it should, I felt like I was in a cartoon, it was so bright and colorful, those birds though and their chirp, it embodies that absolute faith and hope that these psychedelics gave me, this divine state that they bring upon us, the kingdom of heaven. Nathan means Heir of God in Hebrew, I on my 333ug LSD trip was referred to as Heir, or one who will inherit the kingdom of heaven. So whenever I hear those sacred chirps, I in my own being am content and prospering like never before, when I heard them I was amazed at how many of them were doing it, whenever I got a bad thought or anxiety or got distracted from the pure experience it was as if the birds ceased to do their chirps.
I eventually just started to rest in one spot off the trail, some time goes by, I am processing information in my head and to this lady that is approaching me with her dog (going her way), I appeared quite distraught and hopeless to her, she asked me am I alright, I responded only after she asked a second thing which was do you want me to pray for you? I being a God-lover in heart could not turn down the offer, so I said please, please do, go ahead. She prayed for me that the father would look out for me and help me out of my hopeless situation and that in Jesus name I could be delivered even if it seems impossible, for all things are possible with Yahuah/ God.
This was good vibes 101, this only added to the experience later on. It almost made me feel as though I shouldn't take the substances, but something in me still said do it.
[T-10h to T-2h30m] 10:00AM to 6:30PM
During this time I do some yoga, eat my health food, detox a little, meditate and watch YouTube. I might have even hung with my friend J in this time from earlier.
The Gym: around 3:00 I ingest about 0.3 to 0.5G's of the Cubes for a pre workout effect, I also consumed the 34 Cacao beans in ground powder form. Now lets just say I got a workout and a half out of this alone. I get picked up by my boy C to go to the gym and lift, I throughout the workout am noticing much more and am able to focus more on growing each individual muscle group, I also feel alpha even tough I am a skinny guy, I also appeared that way as I peeped myself in the mirror on occasion. The shrooms were definitely kicking in, I felt slight cultural influence and I felt as though I could praise Yahuah more effectively and that I was saved/ delivered by Yahusha's gospel/ message of grace more abundantly. It was as though I was hyperconnected to my faith, and the music I was listening to at the gym only added to this feeling, it was good music you can look it up yourself, I looked up on SoundCloud Yashar'al Music, because I love Yahuah music! The music was very empowering to the experience and motivated me greatly there. We made it through the work out and I was pumped man, I was ready to trip. From the gym we went to C's house, we chilled there a little. Along the way there I was tripping just a bit, 'lil above threshold for sure, after that workout the flow and the energy of the psilocybin was more in my control and it was ME. We then headed back and picked up J.
J picked up.
Me and J are the stoners of the trio, C is sober and always a good trip-sitter unto me, we smoked a decent amount indeed, I was all like, I hope this doesn't alter the trip too much, slight regret. The weed gave the visuals a edge that's for sure, it made the visuals pop out more and I allowed myself to get in the trippy psychedelic mind-state afore time, paired with the shrooms. I was hoping at drop time that the cacao would still have an effect on the shrooms.
I eat 1 melatonin 5MG, eat my 50MG of CBD, and I squeeze the life-juice out of that lemon into the shroom/ passionflower powder, this is the Lemon Tek method of ingestion, what this does is convert the psilocybin into Psilocin and what this does is pre-digest the substance so that it hits so much harder and quicker. I tell you this now, I really wish that I hadn't treated this "drink" as just that, I treated it as some psychedelic party drink, this is a sacred substance for sacred purpose, my biggest regret is not having taken the dose all in one gulp, but spreading the duration of my consumption of it out too long.
I start drinking a little of it, mixing it still and keeping it by me, meditating on its presence, its very electric aura, its charge, its vibe.
I keep gradually drinking up unto the point I listed as [T+00]
[T-01m] 7:59PM I label this as the point of ingestion because this is when the most of it went down up unto 22 mins later. about 4/6th's was still there.
[T+00] 8:00PM slight increase in effects from before, just more defined I feel more aware and meditative. I feel more alive and in tune.
I anoint my third eye with some of the active psilocin drink and it truly does allow for it to absorb and open. This is lemon Tek, effects can kick in anywhere for 2 to 20 minutes! And damn the effects are potent. Now to rehearse what it is exactly thats all going in to this combo:
34 Cacao Bean Drink (2h previous) + 3 Passionflower extract Caps + 50MG CBD +
3 Melatonin + Psychedelic Lemonade 4.4G's Cubensis (slowly consumed). I was in for it indeed.
Wow I am not gonna lie here, the effects are already bussing, its some potent Psilohuasca, I knew it was potent so sadly I took a long while to consume it all (span of an hour). I coulda one-gulped it haha, maybe I woulda had ego death if I had done that. I am not mad though, this experience was MUCH needed. I started to lose grip on time and time started to become irrelevant to me, I started drifting into a deeper state of consciousness, I cant quite recall all the thoughts I had at this point, maybe the weed created a little bit of a haze over the experience indeed.
there is around 3/7ths still in the cup at this point I keep a little for C in case he wants some. Though he never actually ended up taking any, which is good for me because I got my full dose. its around this time that I start getting the auditory effects and I get this flow effect over my body and mind which feels very natural, it also is as if it can create moving images in my head, I see dances in my mind. I am grounded and starting to surrender to the experience.
The harmaline component in the mix is making an appearance, this is that Psilohuasca headspace, its almost reminiscent of and old LSD trip I had in which I combined with passionflower, but it still had the essence or heart of the shroom, just with an added tinge of MAOI inhibition from the Cacao and PF, the Cacao must've gave the shrooms a good place to build off of and the anandamide was definitely being released like mad.
Wow I am now in a state between life and death, earth and spirit world, I am one foot in, one foot out, I had a lick of confidence that i'd get though this, it just got more and more intense, increasing ever so much like big boy steps that you gotta do a whole pull up just to get up one! I was "easing myself into hyperspace" I thought, with my "psychedelic cocktail concoction." I look and 'feel' outside, I can smell/taste this dew or honey suckle scent of the universe, that is nature, that is life.
This was certainly the peak of the experience, or at least one peak, there were about 3 peaks during this whole day of experience in the tryptamine-harmaline mind-space.
Over all it has been very positive, the come up is intense, the peak even more so, time started to just slow to a brim, time was even more irrelevant and I experienced moments of eternity and completeness, the theme of this trip is that state of being that we call being whole and accessing it, this experience up to this point and onward was and is my medicinal entheogenic experience.
Wow! So the time from 33 to 37 was unfathomably long, I was in psychedelic bliss and awe. The harmaline component I couldn't stress it enough had a very real influence on this experience it made it so sacred and pure, it made it so very real and inviting, and just reassuring. The theme was "you are okay", "its all gonna be okay", my friend J and C were there for me, I was so innocent in the midst of this experience and I learned that I truly do have an inner innocence about me, and that I can preserve my faith even though psychedelics and end up building unto it!
I am full on tripping at this point, this is no 5G silent darkness, but it still availed much and healed my trauma, or at least brought me though it and provided me with a new way of looking at it. The trauma of course being me and committing the unforgivable sin at one point in my life, which I did not, because I do my best to be devoted to the path and I will never give that up, that's another thing I learned in this experience. I didn't give up and stay that way, I might've folded a thousand times in this walk, but I always get back up and repent.
We decide this is the time to head out, so we do just that, me and C drop off J and we continue to his house. Now on the way out it was so weird getting in the car, first off I was humble, that's a trait you get in this experience, you put others needs before your own and you do good unto everyone, thy will be done mentality; not my will. So therefore I got in the back instead of J, the back has no seats and just a bunch of flattened carboard boxes which I sat upon. I had my Shroomaid with me and I drunk some here and there taking the volume down to 2/7th's. I had also brought along my distilled water (for drinking) and my bible.
[T+1h49m to 53m] 9:49PM to 9:53PM
This expanse of time was so deep, interconnected and intense that the drive was extremely slowed down and I would notice every detail outside the windows, the journey in the car was almost blurry, the visuals sort of blended together they all formed a collective mass of fraktaline beauty and color. As we drove by and I peered out into nature the visuals made it as though it was the same inside as it was outside as it the CEV's agreed in one with the OEV's, as if my perception was overlaid with this façade of psychedelic colors. The auditory hallucinations resonated with the visuals and they danced together.
We arrive at the humble abode, we arrive at C's house, now getting out of the car with all that I had was a little odd, it was so different that being sober, the harmaline alkaloids were so pungent and alive at this point, this was coming on to my second peak here soon.
I see and feel the cats energy, he is just observing me, I go to put away my bible and my water. I look at the all and it is slightly warped and different, like I said it was one foot in, one foot out, I went down to the couch, I had my drink by me, the remaining 2/7th's of the Psilohuasca. C turns on the TV, we watch some rick and Morty and wow, everything has a deeper meaning and everyone and everything is more connected in some way that I ever thought, I always thought it was bad to watch TV, but I see that its okay, but in moderation of course, like all things. I was seeing if there was any conditioning in the show, the show was an experience man! I was understanding things that I would never, before this experience came into my life.
At one point the show got demonic as F. I remember how the show always lined up with whatever was goin on in my head, it lined up with my internal dialogue. I feel at this point very heightened and like Christ or a holy figure, I felt this deep divine higher self and this pull towards that.
I had enough rick and Morty for an ever, felt like ages of cycling though my traumas and highs/ peaks, and this made for the 2nd peak. So I naturally found it within myself to say, damn, the real me could care less for TV, the real me likes that aloneness or solitude, but of course the real me will be amongst others to help inspire and to learn. So I go to the silent and dark bathroom, I go with the intention to fight any demons, this part was darn rough on my conscious' on my souls health, I felt as though the wrath of the almighty divine was tearing at my soul essence, the only way I could undo this was by finding Yahusha my savior (Jesus Christ) as he is known by the world, yea, so I was deepening my faith and surrendering to the divine flow and rhythm. I found myself in repentance and after I did the lords prayer, WOW, I was in another dimension, the kingdom of heaven as the bible calls it, I was entering the door aka Yahusha HaMashiyach, I was grasping this higher truth and divine wisdom with ease, as if it was and is my nature. The Ruach HaKodesh (The Holy Spirit) is my guide and in this experience I was so much close to this divine force, I was grounded in divine morality and principals. Again my inner demon(s) were a force to be reckoned with, before I found that place of repentance this sin was eating me up, that i'll never be good enough, that I failed everyone and that I blasphemed the holy spirit, my thoughts tormented me almost until I had a lack of faith and doubted in my higher power Yahuah, like I said though I found reconciliation.
I found myself thinking deep thoughts like how I am connected to J and C, I felt so very connected to them, they were as myself, parts of me, now J was unique, I just felt her vibe as if she was before me, same with C a little, way back when when I meditated after smoking CBD with J, I hear "soulmate" in the back of my mind, I've always figured J to be some type of soul mate, J seems to have a piece that really points me to my TRUE self, I can always be ME around J, and C almost just as much. I then started to ponder J and C's relationship, will it last? This was not where I wanted my thought stream to go, so I redirected. Now lemme explain, I dated J 2 years back, C was my friend since 2nd grade, we all ended up living within 2 miles of each other, its rather interesting to see J and C dating now as they are both my best friends. Still pondered if J was my soulmate or not, I kept getting these thoughts that me and her are connected in some type of way and that we humans truly are creatures that crave connection. We always seek out how to find connection. I then think hey if me and J really are supposed to be together, wouldn't we be? Or will we be some day? Then I considered, yeah, its okay if soulmates are just to be friends. Friends build character, J built me up a lot, C did as well! That's why I believe this tripped revolved around them and others, everyone in your life that was there for a reason has some piece to your puzzle.
I finish up in the bathroom by doing some amazing tribal dancing, almost Egyptian and ancient in its expression, it is the plant substances harmonizing and expressing themselves though me (the vessel of light). I go back out to see Colton and rick and Morty, and damn, this show acually can be trippy on psyches. A 'lil more a rick and Morty and then C puts on scooby-doo! It is the movie I believe, I am reminded of how I was called "shaggy" in my life because I looked like him, so I have this profound realization that I am indeed that MF'r shaggy, and I mean I'm not wrong am I? I am you, you are me, we are all one, that's how you think on this combo. I was just one with everything, I got the cup down to 1 measly 7th of the drink (1/7th). I was watching scooby-doo and like earlier everything in the movie lined up with what was goin on in my head, it lined up with the thought process, when there was something destructive, like the demons the gang had to dodge, there was also something destructive about myself. I remember looking at the gang get out of their Van and WOW! The gang looked so trippy with their hippie colors that they wear for clothing. I couldn't stop laughing hard to the random events that took place in the movie, I so laughed hard when C said look at the boob-age with Velma and Daphne right now! Velma was like the apple to my eye haha, she was cute. I can't remember all the random moments, but damn lol they made my laugh manically.
I go into the silent dark laundry room to ponder more about life, and to let go and chase the experience. I fall down to my knees and woah, the power I feel, just surging and coursing though my veins, that harmaline component really affected the experience.
I tell myself, I got it, I will never stop continuing what I am doing, I will continue to cleave unto and pursue the good (balance) of life, keeping the laws of nature and the bible laws statutes and commandments to the brim and preaching that message to reach the lost. I gave myself to the experience, to the white light. I praise the creator for creation. I feel J again and get that whole soulmate thought process, so I just surrender and let it happen, oh well, it is what it is, even if I do think this of J and get those thoughts about I should be with her or not, I still keep to myself and allow the relationship to continue between J and C, I enjoy having them over, they make good company, even if they are using me for a place to meet up, I could care less, I also could care less about when I get those thoughts, I was so triumphant and still am after this experience. I still had that aura about me, now it was even more intense, so pure, so radiant, I felt like a kid again, I felt like pure expression. I experienced 'togetherness' and immediately I remembered there is no marriage in heaven, in heaven we are as the angels, as pure light bodies which create in one, one big body, the body of Yahusha Ha'Mashiyach. I am a cell in my body, I am a cell in the body (earth realm). As above, so below, I thought about my astrology and how Sagittarius carries that youthful essence to themselves, I also read up on my report how I have this craving to go deeper into the experience of life every step of the way, and how true that rung at the moment. I witnessed the 'lil orange cat come by, he was so interested in me, at first I had a staring contest with him, I won, I felt like he was gonna pounce, then I was like why would he do that? lol. I made friends with kitty cat and he liked my vibe, felt safe by me. I felt like I was just taking everything, I felt like a magnet, I felt like I had J, the cat and whatever I wanted and needed in life. "All is provided by the great caretaker", I thought and so true is that statement, I was learning to put the kingdom of heaven first always, I remembered this quote by Master Chief, Eligo Bishop Nature Boy: "Whatever you do, keep the knowledge". And that I did, even though the storm will I keep my divine morals first, I will look to Yahusha for guidance though the storm, I will surrender my will and my life to Yahuah and have faith in his faith, for his faith is sure and secure like a rock, he (spirit) keeps me grounded. The great spirit guides, comforts and protects me, it also corrects me if I am in fault. I understood and still do understand that the holy spirit can be grieved, but to a believer like me he cant be blasphemed, so long as you have space to repent. This healed me so much, to know that my greatest trauma is but a ladybug, its just an annoyance, nothing more, don't gotta kill it, just gotta be at peace with it, and let it go its way, it'll fly away soon enough. And that it did, I now can face anything on a psychedelic or so I believe. The hopeless was made full of hope though a psychedelic experience, due to a change in my faulty perception. I then get some Natureboy on, some Carbonnation TV, aka the Eligo guy I mentioned just earlier, his divine knowledge resonated with me, the Christ Consciousness was me, I AM THAT I AM, I am God, I am okay, Everything will work out for my good, only positive vibes and thoughts were cycling though my brain, I was indeed saved, divine intervention via a psychedelic. The harmaline component added to the experience, it made it more like ayahuasca, it gave slight visions amongst the visuals, more on that later.
Again that innocence was by the blood of the Lamb and the psychedelic together, when you use the psyches in a faith based manor, the door is all the much wider and accessible, that's for sure, these psychedelics are trying to tell us how to enter/ access the state called the kingdom of heaven. The cat leaves at one point, I forget why, maybe I was too sudden with my approach. I learned to not make such haste, but to slow down, observe and then think it though and decide, bring it before Yahuah for advice, use wisdom to weigh the decision and then make it with wisdom. I also took from this part of the trip that I am gonna keep on striving, no matter what, at the purest of the purest level I coulda said it. I felt so pure, so justified and so delivered, I realized that damn, you know, I AM ME, there is only ONE me, EVER pbp. I am ReZiN8, that's my rapper ego/name. I realize I can freestyle like a god because I am a god, I can do anything. Felt so fly like I could get any woman, but I didn't want any woman, I wanted me, the pure unconditional love of Self, I. LOVE. MY. SELF. Say it, "I love myself". it heals our DNA to think positive like this! That's what I was, I was DNA code, I was am a projection of my higher self taking form in this vessel of light or body. I am one with my higher self, I keep the perspective clear, keep the horizon visible. I realized the absolute beauty of each and every one of my faults and how each one is forgiven and will be restored, past, present and future. I realized here and now is the balance of past and future. I vowed to be a better and functional human after this experience. This combo showed me myself, it showed me that divine grace/ ecstasy. I vowed to honor my father and mother commandment #5, how? Simply by doing chores TO HONOR them, not because I have too, but because I love them and because I can never repay them for bearing and growing me as a kid and for being supportive to my different way in life and my organic lifestyle. I also say to myself I will be the best person I can be to my friends and to anyone I come across.
I finish all my drink and around now I consider my last peak and when the effects started to die down somewhat slightly. I chill by C a little longer, I believe that Scooby-doo was still on, he was sleep. I went into the dark bathroom again after watching some SD. I stayed in there longer and eventually I was ready to go back out by...
I see C sleeping, effects are still in full gear, last peak before things get more evened out. I go up to the upstairs and I see a couch, I fall in love with said couch and find myself comforting myself in it, I realize just how much we as human beings crave comfort and how putting ourselves in just a little discomfort, or lack thereof, actually makes for a person to grow, in the depravation of something, there is always the state in result of the lack there of, lack of the sensory, then you can have a spiritual experience, like in a sleep depravation tank. Or when you go into the worlds most sound deprived room in Minneapolis and you start having auditory hallucinations because of the lack of audio input. Or another example, the lack of food aka fasting actually allows for good too, it allows for the body to repair itself just like it does in sleep! Fasting also allows a spiritual side too. Or seeking the lord in the desert or the caves, either way you are lacing the worldly life, therefore gaining the spiritual life.
I realized that I really do want to move out of state, then out of country and live in Costa Rica, I wont let no demon tell me I can't do this, I sure can and I will stay on the path of righteousness to see to it. The visions I had were amazing, they were of mushrooms in their habitats, the mushroom was prevailing too! The mushroom was showing itself to me, it was explaining life to me, teaching me, the harmaline component only added to the lessons! I found deep deep confirmation with myself in this trip, it was much needed, it wasn't life changing I'd say, rather life orienting, or even confirming that, I indeed an on the right path and that I should endure in that said path until the end, Yahusha is that path, he is the way the truth and the life, he is the DOOR to enter into the SHEEPFOLD, he grafts us in and delivers us and makes us holy, sanctified, and that indeed I was and am still.
[9:00] Morning Time: I wake up revitalized and renewed, I wake up with hope and an ambition to progress forward with no distractions, put to the plow and no looking back! I read my bible and it is amazing how connected I am to the word and how it is so natural to me. Amein.
Barak Yahuah. Shalom.
Psychedelics can indeed be used in a way that is to grow you in faith, they can allow the door to be opened unto faith, and when you proceed with that faith the door is wider and deeper. I am on the right path and I should stick to it, the Psilohuasca and other Psyches give us a truer way of thinking and refine our minds, they show us the kingdom of heaven and when we reverse engineer the state we can attain it without even using a psychedelic!
Addendum - Follow-up January 2022 (submitted one year later)
I will not be doing anything like this again in my future, as my addiction to psychedelics at this time and combining them with other substances was generally unsafe. I have left this life behind in pursuit of sobriety in the 10-step program of AA and a new life, where I am drug-free, as I had learned all I needed in these last few experiences. Also I must state God is not condoning the use of these substances as it was a sin in me at the time of usage, however I do believe he can intervene in such situations of religious phenomena.
I have found in personal experience, alternative drug-free methods yield that holistic psychedelic like effect.
I regret having used the names "Yahuah" and "Yahusha" in the experience report above. As they are sacred names and should not be lowered and used in correlation with drugs. It was a mistake to think Yah would be okay with me promoting drug use over simply obeying him and prospering.
Addendum - Follow-up December 2022
I am not doing the AA program anymore and have embraced a more non-robotic way of proceeding forward and trust my inner-sense over some man made system. In short I’d rather trust my own intuition over AA.
The bread and butter of the time between this trip report and now is that I’ve learned psychedelics aren’t all so bad, but should be respected and treated as tools of the divine. Also Yahuah, Yahusha and Ruach Hakoesh are all Jewish words, which I no longer use, now I am in favor of “Divine Creator” and “The Source”, I have become more spiritual.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.