Citation: artperu. "Another Way to Relate to People: An Experience with MDMA (exp110374)". Erowid.org. May 19, 2017. erowid.org/exp/110374
Beautiful First-Time Molly Experience
I acquired 3g-s of pure looking MDMA crystals from a friend. A couple of days later we threw a party in the flat of one of my friends where we would take some of it. We tested the MDMA with an E-Z Test marquis reagent with positive results. Then I measured out 0.09g for myself, 0.09g for A and 0.16g for B with a scale. One other guy (C) just eye-balled the crystals and directly ate around 0.15g from it. We took it with some strange raspberry flavored mineral water. A good friend arrived at that point (he had to work till late) but he didn't want to take any MDMA, he was just smoking joints (from which I took a couple of puffs). I was asking him about his experiences with MDMA because it was my first time and he had rolled a lot before. He said he doesn't really know because he usually took it with other drugs in large quantities and he feels that it didn't give much to him. Then we talked about his past jobs and all kinds of things.
At this point I noticed some stimulant effects and also realized that talking comes extremely naturally which felt pretty nice and unusual because I thought of myself as more of an inwards-person and I also had some issues with communicating because of over-analyzing stuff. (Someone later related to me that I said 'Maybe even partaking in small-talk could be nice', which she probably found an odd remark). This stimulating effect became more and more prominent and I started to feel a bit nauseous so I went to the other room where a friend of mine who did most of the organizing for the party had
prepared some blankets so I could just lie on the ground.
My nausea evaporated in less than a minute after lying down and I started to feel a floating sensation and increasing euphoria. Soon I felt extremely happy, almost to the point of crying. Later I went to lie on the bed where already a couple of people were cozying up and talking in a warm voice to each other including A and B. I felt that everyone was at ease with each other.
At one point I became sad that this would all pass away and the euphoria and the warmth surrounding me were to be gone. I wanted to talk to B a bit in private where I said my fear of this, with tears on my face. He said that the point is to be able to feel the same thing without the MDMA by being open to people, paying attention to them and seeing things from the right perspective (this is actually mostly my interpretation - he just said that I would feel this later without the MDMA). This made me calm again and I went back to the bed. Later the four of us who took MDMA went out to the kitchen to smoke some cigarettes. I talked about all the bad things they've done to me in school, all the bullshit we had to learn and all the different abuses perpetrated by my teachers. I could talk about all this without anger, just realizing how this all formed me - as a matter of fact -. It actually felt relieving to talk about it because I could just face these things without being overwhelmed by negative emotions and thinking about how it should or could have been.
Even though I have a girlfriend I started to feel a strong crush for A at this point. I could feel her feet touching my leg and I thought I would really love to massage her foot but I resisted (I felt weak to say 'no' at a later point, but I still knew that I didn't want to cheat). She asked later whether we thought we would decide to have children at one point (it was her and three guys). I don't think I ever gave a definite answer to this question, but I could never have actually imagined to have a child. Still at this point for the first time in my life I felt how beautiful it would be to take care of someone and show him or her the world. Also I was immediately thinking of having children WITH HER, whom I met for the second time in my life. The next day I even wrote to her that we should have a coffee which she - luckily - refused politely. Later I realized that I know basically nothing of her, and even though I was saying to myself that this was only about wanting to get to know someone who I find interesting as a person, this was obviously not the complete truth. My feelings were of course not just artificially induced by the MDMA alone, but what could have been just a noticing of her beauty and warmth was amplified to an extreme degree. Later she and C left. B had already went to sleep at this point so I decided I would go to sleep too. The next day I still felt a strong euphoric afterglow and even the day after that.
I feel that this experience had a pretty profound effect on my life after it although it's close to impossible to pinpoint in what exact way it influenced me. Probably a very concise and approximate way would be to say that it taught me another way to relate to people.
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