Citation: Semaviro. "Shattered My World: An Experience with DMT from Acacia confusa & Sleep Deprivation (exp108743)". Erowid.org. Nov 6, 2017. erowid.org/exp/108743
This is for DMT first timers who are wondering about the dose, as well as a record for my future self.
To give you some background, I drink coffee daily, smoke weed nightly, and I'm addicted to nicotine. Prior to this I had moderate experience with ecstasy, MDMA, MDE, and coke, and basic experience with ketamine, meth, and LSD.
I did some extreme sports back in the day, and I generally like the rush of challenging myself to do what scares me. I love street racing, motorbike stunts, and speeding.
None of it could remotely prepare me for what was coming.
A few days ago my weed finished for the first time in a few years, and where I currently live (Taiwan) it's way too expensive. After a quick research it turned out that that Acacia Confusa is cheap and easy to find in these parts, and since I wanted to do DMT for a year, I figured this was the time.
I got 1kg of the root bark for the price of a pack of cigarettes, and got to work
I got 1kg of the root bark for the price of a pack of cigarettes, and got to work
- freezing, thawing, blender, Vinegar A/B extraction (3 boils), carbon oxide base, and a few alcohol pulls- resulted in 6g of the thick, waxy, dark red goo. No defat - will try it next time.
I finished cooking after midnight and we got to it with two buddies. We loaded 20mg each and got barely a threshold experience, so we decided to try again the next day. I actually didn't sleep at all that night (I have insomnia without weed), so felt rather grumpy, but nothing was gonna stop me from it.
The next day, when I finished cleaning up the house and preparing myself mentally, it was already around midnight. We set up in our living room where we used to smoke up every night, so definitely a comfortable space. My flatmate was sitting for me, and we googled some psybient chill playlist (the best idea btw).
I didn't know at that time whether the problem last night was the technique or purity, so this time I loaded 30mg, just to be sure.
I took it in in one drag which took some 30 sec. 10 sec into the drag my vision became blurry. After another 10 sec, the pipe seemed twice as long as it should. When I got it all in things began to get weird and unexplainable. I held it in for some 10 sec (though time was already loosing meaning) and by the end of it I felt completely weightless and got the feeling that I could live without breathing infinitely, much like the feeling of breathing under water in a dream. It was pretty cool but I was 'aware' that if I don't breath, I'll die, and that thought crept along with me into the trip.
When I let the smoke out, I leaned back and watched the reality getting more distant - literally, physically moving further away from me. Then, in an instant, I was pure consciousness floating in a space-less, timeless... place? reality? No self-awareness, no memories. I 'saw' the chrysanthemum visuals slowly unfolding in front of me to the rhythm of the psybient music, filling up my entire vision. 'Seeing' is not the best term though - rather, I was aware of the shapes and colors - again, much like I'm aware of the content of a dream. Since time didn't exist there, I was always only aware of the present 'view', and literally nothing else. That meant that by the time the vision changed, I already forgot the last one (even now I know I had several visions, but I only remember the last one, and barely). I do remember, though, that the visuals themselves were not really that impressive - much like what you can see in the youtube simulations, but even less complex. The feeling of being there, however... man...absolute astonishment and awe... surreal beyond imagination... divine... yeah, divine is the word. The amazement was so deep that it alone made me shocked and confused for the rest of the trip and comedown.
I wasn't quite aware of my own existence for what FELT like 10 min. Then, the breath and not dying issue surfaced in my mind so I decided to take a breath, and to my own surprise, I did. I felt it filling up my chest, and I felt my body as a warm, fluid, electric thing, as if made from vibrating energy. I felt the existence of my body, but it was definitely in a different 'place' than I was. It was pleasant and peaceful, and I was happy about not being dead. Breathing grounded me very much and after a few breaths, which FELT like another 5 min, I thought that the trip should be over by then and I decided to open my eyes.
When I got back, the only thing I knew was that I was in the same place I departed from. Everything else was utter confusion. Nothing around me made sense. I had no idea who I was, why I was there, or even which planet I was on. Complete emptiness in my memory. Just as they say - as if I was just born into this world and saw everything for the first time. I didn't recognize any object around me for what FELT like another 5-10 min. Then my flatmate passed by while he was walking around the house and I knew that he was my friend and that I was safe. Beautiful feeling. I dare say it gave me the feeling of pure universal love. Btw, when he passed by, he actually materialized in one spot, made two steps, and disappeared again. It didn't freak me out though, because it was the least weird thing around me at that time.
When I eventually looked at my body, I recognized my limbs and thought: 'Riight, so I'm a human... and we have those things sticking out of our bodies which are very useful for something'. I still didn't know the difference between arms and legs, though. Also, I had 4 legs and 4 arms and their form was changing each time I looked, but I thought it was normal.
Then, I recognized the coffee table on which our accessories lied and I knew we did SOMETHING there which put me in this state. I remember wondering whether I ate something, or injected something, or what the hell it was. I couldn't recall it so I gave up and just observed the weirdness around me for a while.
I remember wondering whether I ate something, or injected something, or what the hell it was. I couldn't recall it so I gave up and just observed the weirdness around me for a while.
One by one I started recognizing and recalling things, literally as if my mind was a computer mapping out its content after a reset.
All this time, not only wasn't I aware that the thing called speech and language exist - I wasn't aware that I'm able to make sounds. When speech eventually came back, first thing I asked my sitter was how long had passed (my voice sounded foreign, as if somebody else said it from my mouth), being 100% sure it was between 30-45 minutes, to which he answered: less than 5 min. What.The.Fuck. Complete mind-blow. And, what was an even bigger mind-blow, turns out my eyes were open the entire freaking time! Whaaat...!?
At that time the whole thing still didn't make sense to me whatsoever - I was completely confused for good 10 (real) minutes, and I was able to put it in words as you're reading them only hours later - hours of constant analytical effort.
When I recalled that I can walk (15 min after smoking), the first thing I did was hiding the spice and equipment. I remember feeling the responsibility of not letting anyone else getting this mindfucked until I can tell them what to expect. Then, I walked around the house for good half an hour with the face in my palms, repeating 'wow..', and 'holy fucking shitfuck', and 'Thank you' (though I didn't quite know whom I thanked - maybe the spice, or maybe the universe itself for existing). Then I cleaned up the house, got rid of all cigarettes in the house, which I felt repulsing, and went to bed to think.
Again, I didn't sleep the entire night - this time from amazement. An hour after smoking I was myself, but still in shock for the rest of the night. I was trying to make sense out of it for 8 hours, until I eventually got up and went to work early. Curiously, I didn't feel bad at all despite not sleeping for 72h. I was tired, but at peace and still excited about what happened to the point that it took effort not to tell everyone around me- including my boss. I felt like I came back from a roller coaster between planets. I was, beyond doubt, the most intense thing that ever happened to me.
On the next night (yesterday), I did it 3 more times but scaled it waaay down, starting with 5mg and building up the dose slowly over time. I focus on the idea that it's impossible to suffocate when unconscious and I slowly learn to let go. The fear doesn't subside at all, though. In fact, each time I have more reverence to the molecule. My heart starts pumping almost out loud long before I touch the pipe and my hands shake when I light up. I think I'm calmer before paragliding than before microdosing DMT.
I think I'll repeat 30mg maybe in a month and I'll go for breakthrough... well, when I'm ready. Today I don't feel like smoking, but I'm sure I'll do it a few times this week. Now I see that after the series of trips my behavior did change for the better. I still smoke cigarettes, but they taste disgusting and I sometimes stop half-way through. My sleep problem eased - last night it took me just 2h to fall asleep.
Thank you DMT for appearing in my life just when I though I had it figured, and fucking it all up. I've never been this humble and I've never felt such a drive to be good for the people around me and for the environment.
Thanks for your attention. I hope this will help someone decide on the right dose before their first visit to the hyperspace. Peace out -S
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