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Psychedelic Catharsis of Mystery Intensity
Mescaline, LSD, MDMA, Kratom, Diazepam & DMT
by whiteroom67
Citation:   whiteroom67. "Psychedelic Catharsis of Mystery Intensity: An Experience with Mescaline, LSD, MDMA, Kratom, Diazepam & DMT (exp104105)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/104105

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
  oral Kratom (ground / crushed)
  T+ 0:00   oral Ginger (tea)
  T+ 0:00 ~400 mg oral Mescaline (powder / crystals)
  T+ 2:00 0.5 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
  T+ 2:30 0.5 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
  T+ 4:15 ~80 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 4:45 30 mg oral MDMA (powder / crystals)
  T+ 5:30 10 mg oral Pharms - Diazepam (pill / tablet)
  T+ 0:00 2 hits vaporized DMT  
  T+ 0:00 ~200 mg oral Tryptophan - 5-HTP  
  T+ 0:00   oral Vitamin B-6  

BODY WEIGHT: 170 lb


So this was a day I had been planning for for a long time. A little over a year ago I had somewhat of a bad acid trip (my own fault... it was a horrible day to do it - my teenage brother was having a kegger later that same night and I was supposed to be the 'responsible' one watching over all these kids). Granted I took it earlier in the day, but it was still on my mind all day and my brother and his friend were acting like idiots while on it, after all, they were only teenagers.

After experiencing what could be considered crippling anxiety the whole day during that trip, the bad feelings unfortunately seemed to stick with me long afterwards (set and setting is everything!). I had taken care of myself before and afterwards... I was always have been and still am into working out (lifting about an hour 2x per week of mixed/alternating powerlifting, Olympic lifting, awkward object strongman-type lifting, bodyweight lifting including handstand work, along with running and swimming for cardio health and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) and eating healthy (lots of fruits and veggies, lots of good protein and good fats, and generally less than 150 grams of carbs per day max). I try to meditate and practice mindfulness throughout the day often, based off of Eckhart Tolle's 'Power of Now' type stuff, trained myself to be a slow, deep breather (Scuba Diving actually helped me pay more attention to this too), so generally, I really do try to take care of myself to the fullest extent. I'm not perfect when it comes to all that stuff, but I really try.

The point is, despite all that, the anxiety and bad feelings never seemed to fully leave after that trip for some reason. I was never able to come to terms with what I felt - I guess because of being so irresponsible that day and it being such a powerful experience, it finally got to the point where I felt the only way to reverse the process was to go back to the place where it came from in the first place - psychedelia. Maybe even go a little further; and that's exactly what I did.

When I trip, I usually like to trip alone. I have tripped with others before. From what I remember, it was with one close friend once, another close friend another time, and my brother twice. When I was younger, I felt it was easier to trip with other people. The reason I like to trip alone now is because of a couple reasons: I feel that I can get more out of the experience. I am an introvert, I'm pretty intuitive, pretty emotional, yet laid back. Because of being an intuitive introvert, I don't like distractions while tripping. I feel I can learn a lot if only I can just be left alone. Also, because of being emotionally sensitive naturally, I tend to be bothered by little things easily when I am tripping. If someone says something that could be taken the wrong way, I will probably take it that way. Therefore, I have realized that when I trip alone, I almost always tend to have a much better time, with the exception of a few cases.
I have realized that when I trip alone, I almost always tend to have a much better time, with the exception of a few cases.
Also, when I'm alone, I can do what I want, when I want. I can watch TV. I can watch what I want on TV. I can turn off the TV. I can put on music. I can listen to whatever music I want. I can put it at whatever volume I want. I can go outside. I can go inside. I can get naked if I damn well please. When I trip with other people, I can't do that stuff. As a matter of fact, many times I have ended up having to prepare some meal for them that they want during my peak that I have no desire to do, or I have to listen to their crappy music, or listen to them talk about some bullshit I have no interest in. Or they act like idiots and bring down my trip. Now trust me, I am not anti-social by any means, and I like my friends, but tripping is something special to me. Something sacred. It's a sensitive situation for me. When it's just me, I'm in control, and I alone. Much less to worry about. I do like to have 1 or 2 people know I am tripping though, so I can call them on the phone if I feel I really need to talk to someone for whatever reason. Ultimately though, I like tripping alone.

I should also note, that I consider myself a drug addict. Not to psychedelics though. My drug of choice was usually opiates, specifically oxycodone. I hadn't done oxycodone in months, but I do still have a Kratom habit. I always liked Kratom because it's relaxing yet stimulating at the same time, and I can function while on it. There was a point earlier this year though when even that got out of control. Now granted I was taking oxycodone along with it and that pushed my tolerance and level of dependency WAY up, and I had a HORRIBLE time withdrawing (gabapentin saved me there). At one point I was up to 40 grams of Krat a day, plus whatever oxy I had slugged down that day. I quit that habit though and went a little over a couple months and felt almost back to normal, when I picked up the Kratom habit again, just not as intense this time, and no oxycodone. I never want to go back to that nasty drug. Anyway, so at this point I do have a mild Kratom dependency as well. I enjoy Kava occasionally too, but I did not take it the day of this trip.

So, I had just gotten back from a week at the beach with my family, and I had the house to myself. I called work and told them I would be out an extra day. Now was finally the time. I felt good that day, was in a good mindset, the weather was beautiful out... a little nervous and apprehensive, but understandably I suppose. I took some Kratom, because I didn't want to start withdrawing in the middle of my trip. I didn't really take enough to get high, just enough to relax a little and keep myself from withdrawing later on. I didn't want to take the chance of fogging my trip up.

This was around 12:00 PM or so. At about that time, I then made some Ginger tea (with real Ginger), and proceeded to mix in approx 400 mg of Mescaline. I drank it over the course of about 45 minutes, starting at 12:15 and finishing it at about 1. By 1:30 I was certainly feeling it, but it was nothing too intense. No nausea, probably thanks to the ginger. Now I'm not sure if mescaline is always as mild as it was at that dosage, but I thought either maybe it had degraded a bit since I got it (I kept it in a cool dark, airtight space for about a year), or I got jipped, or my tolerance is high to mescaline, or whatever, I don't know. I felt more aware, colors were brighter, I was relaxed and mellow. It felt like a really strong dose of the nootropic Aniracetam.

By 2:00 it hadn't gotten much stronger and I realized I was looking for something more than this. After all, I never get the chance and I needed to take advantage of this day. So, I split a tab of acid (supposedly 130 ug per tab), and dropped it at about 2:00. I felt my trip indeed get stronger within 30 minutes, but concluded that I could still take the second half and feel comfortable, so I did, at about 2:30. Well now things were rolling. I felt so relaxed and mellow, I went outside and watched the trees blowing in the wind, which as beautiful. It was something I learned to appreciate years ago through my own, but now it was even more astounding. I could see every leaf on every branch so clear, all at the same time. I put my feet in the pool, and it felt great. I felt I would have been able to hold a conversation easily. I was thinking of going in, but I knew if I went upstairs to change into my bathing suit, I would probably get lost and distracted and not end up coming back down, which is exactly what happened.

Now I think it's interesting to note, I had tripped plenty of times before, but I rarely remember feeling this mellow. It may have been the mescaline, since I had only taken it once before at a lower dose (~250 mg) and remember feeling mellow in the same way. Rarely would I feel excessively mellow on acid. So it seemed as if even though the acid really bumped up my trip to a good, solid, strong level, the mescaline kept me calm and in touch with that feeling of being spiritually connected, which I heard mescaline can do (and can confirm that it does). Acid alone, while always giving great insights, would usually feel somewhat hollow to me. Hence my trip was filled in nicely with a persistent warm spiritual glow in the background.

As I was coming up on my trip more and more, I was fooling around on my guitar, listening and playing to the Paul Butterfield Blue Band's East-West album, and Cream (live in Detroit 1967 - best concert ever!). I was under no delusions that I was playing any better than I would have sober, but I don't think it was half bad either. Though in the past I have come out with some amazing solos while tripping, just not this time. It got to the point where I didn't feel like playing or listening or doing anything, so I turned it all off and laid down on my bed and closed my eyes.

At this point it was probably around 3:30. Some of the most beautiful visuals came into focus. Different than shroom-like visuals, which for me involve living things, morphing and changing into other landscapes and living things. This was more just patterns and designs. They weren't overly geometrical, but were more fluid, thanks to the mescaline I think. At one point, I was flying through a neon void traversing between what looked like yellow neurons, and I came to feel as if these were the neurons in my brain. They weren't firing anything, but all I had to do was tell them to start working, and they did. At that point, I felt a sudden rush of calm and euphoria and I immediately felt more at one with everyone and everything in the universe. I don't know if it was psychological or what, but it was THAT easy to fix the problem. I felt I had reversed the anxiety that was created over a year ago. It emptied from my mind. It was like a catharsis that wasn't painful or difficult at all.

I enjoyed the visuals for awhile longer, and then felt like I started to come down. I got up and started walking around, not really knowing what to do with myself at this point. It was around 4:00 and I felt lost, so I just put the TV on and started watching 'Friends'. Then it hit me... why not take some MDMA and candyflip? The bad stuff was gotten out of my mind... why not fill it with some good love and bliss now and solidify a positive everlasting experience?

I went in my drawer and pulled it out. Solid crystal MDMA. I had rolled on this batch before, about a year prior, so I knew it was legit. This was real MDMA... pure and potent. At about 4:15, I weighed out about 80 mg and licked my finger and ate it all. Washed it down with water. A half hour passed and I felt a little more energy, but not much, and I was on an empty stomach. I thought maybe I should take a little more? So I did, another 30 mgs. That is about 110 mgs. Well, another 30 minutes passed, and still only mild effects. 'Well, I feel happy, and loving but I guess this is all that I'm gonna fe... oHH GODOD!!!'

At about 5:30. that shit hit so hard and so fast. The first thing I noticed was everything on the TV was moving faster than usual. Like it was moving twice the speed. I thought it was the TV at first, but when I looked around the room and out the window and saw EVERYTHING moving that fast, I knew it wasn't the TV, it was me. It was like everything was on fast forward. Suddenly the outlines of everything started spinning and rotating and morphing. The music on TV from a commercial triggered twirling spiraling crystals everywhere in my line of sight. My heart rate jumped up to about 160 bpm. I broke out in a cascade sweat. I got double vision and everything was shaking. I got REALLY nervous. My life actually flashed before my eyes because it was so intense... TOO intense. Then I was thinking, shit... should I have mixed mescaline and MDMA? They are both phenylethylamines, plus LSD is kind of stimulating as it is... did I make a mistake by taking this?
I was thinking, shit... should I have mixed mescaline and MDMA? They are both phenylethylamines, plus LSD is kind of stimulating as it is... did I make a mistake by taking this?
Am I gonna have a heart attack? I got seriously nervous. I had taken MDMA before, like I said, even this batch, but this was too much. I got a very bad feeling that I had done something really wrong. I lost sight of the fact that the come up on pure MDMA can be a little rough and jarring, and that it would probably level out in about 5 or 10 minutes maybe. But I couldn't think straight. I was on serious overload. I freaked out and ran over to my drawer and immediately popped two 5 mg Valiums and laid down and started breathing as slow and deep and talked myself down as well as I could. After about 15 minutes my body started calming down. I still felt the MDMA, but it wasn't as intense. I probably could have gotten away with just one Valium, but I freaked. Even then, after the Valium, I was laying in my bed, my eyes rolled back, my lip quivering, my jaw grinding, sweating, trying to talk to myself down and sounding like I had a mental disorder when the words came out. It was like a continuous orgasm throughout my entire body. It felt good and bad at the same time.

I called my brother who is a teenager who hadn't tried any form of ecstasy yet and was still down the beach with my parents and I thoroughly convinced him and his friends to NOT take his MDA which he was planning on doing down the shore at the teen night club. Mostly because I was paranoid for him and was sure that everyone WOULD know when it kicked in if they took it - the bouncers at the club, who would possibly kick them out and/or call the cops, our parents, and who knows whatever else some asshole would do if they saw a couple of skinny teenagers too fucked up and high on E to do anything to protect themselves. I was rolling hard so I guess my parent mindset kicked in for him (and I don't even have any kids). Considering he's still young, it certainly wouldn't have been a good thing at all. I convinced him against it considering what I had just experienced (and what I was still experiencing) and felt better about it afterwards. After my MDMA started wearing off a little more, I took some more Kratom, a normal dose, and then felt alright after that kicked in. I danced with myself in the room for awhile and listened to music, and finally was able to relax a little.

I then got the idea in my head that well, why not top the night off with some DMT? The vape-pen was already packed with it, and I was feeling pretty relaxed from all the residual effects of everything else I had taken. I turned the lights off and finished the load (which was probably somewhere around 50 mg or so) in 2 pulls.

I laid back and closed my eyes. The first thing I saw was a serious of kaleidoscopic circles. They morphed into what looked like the ceiling of some sort of strange alien laboratory. A strange creature was above me, looking down at me. I immediately realized I was being observed and experimented on. It was a strange creature, looking almost like a serious a multicolored ribbons and tentacles morphing into each other, kind of like strands of DNA but smoother around the edges, no 'ladder' type things. Anyway a big part of a brown ribbon came down and brushed my face, or did something to my face, near my nose, and then I was elevated of the table and saw the creature morph and merge into energy whih pointed to the right. It kept pointing to the right and moved to the right so with my eyes still closed I turned my head to the right, and was presented with more of those same creatures sitting around what looked like a small table. They were discussing something important in a language I didn't understand. However, I got the message that in exchange for allowing them to observe me, they would give me something in return. This in my opinion turned out to be some sort of ancient knowledge, or so it seemed. That's the impression and feeling I got. One of the creatures, a female, stated something about 3 men. There was an origin of 3 men, though I wasn't sure who or what or from where, or even if they were men in the human sense. Then it seemed as if she opened her mouth, put her hands on her cheeks and started screaming, though it sounded like a low hum. I got the feeling she was being extradited by the others. She flew up and became what we know as rain, which formed into a tree of some sort, sort of like a palm tree, whih then became a flowering palm tree, and faded off into the distance, again to the right. That's when the DMT mostly wore off. What did this mean?

Before going to bed I had orange juice with some Maqui berry powder mixed in (strongest antioxidant berry in the world), made some chamomile tea, took some 5-HTP (about 200 mg) mixed with Vitamin B6 and just relaxed and watched TV the rest of the night. I did try masturbating, which took me about 2 and 1/2 hours to finish. Being on everything I was on, I really shouldn't have been surprised. I finally fell asleep around 2:30 in the morning, and woke up 2 hours late for work. Oops.

I was pretty tired that whole next day, a little out of it, and I had kind of a shitty headache, but all in all not too bad. I think I took too much MDMA considering I had mescaline (another phenylethylamine) in my system and LSD which also makes one more sensitive to everything. If I had just taken 60 or maybe 70 mg I think it would have been a better experience and more manageable.

Anyway, it's been a few days now and I honestly say I feel better than I did before that day. I feel like I am closer to who I was before that shitty trip last year, and I feel that I have more power to stop taking Kratom as well, which I plan to do starting tomorrow. It did help me see that I shouldn't need drugs on a regular basis, even something as mild as Kratom, and that eventually it will be very easy to live life without them. I currently have a lot of goals I am striving and working towards, so it is a good thing. Many people would listen to my story and see an addict using rationalization, justification or whatever for just taking more drugs, but I consider psychedelics and even MDMA to be very different kinds of drugs than say heroin or cocaine, or even Kratom. 'A drug is a drug is a drug' is not always necessarily true I feel. Psychedelics and empathogens certainly can be very beneficial and have their place if used correctly and responsibly. I feel stronger, and clearer and ready to move on now. There will still be more trips and rolls in the future, but I need the addictive stuff out of my life. And I will forever be wondering about those 3 men. A Psychedelic Catharsis of Mystery and Intensity indeed.

Exp Year: 2014ExpID: 104105
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 29 
Published: Oct 27, 2021Views: 550
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MDMA (3), LSD (2), Mescaline (36) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Entities / Beings (37), Combinations (3)

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