Archive for January, 2005

Dungeons & Dealers

Tuesday, January 18th, 2005

GAMEMASTER (GM): Okay, so let’s review the notes from last session. Your party had left the safe confines of your apartment to head out for a prearranged meeting with someone you know only as “Roger”. The meeting was set up by your street contact, Larry, who swears that Roger is reliable. Now you are in a seedy bar on the wrong side of town, waiting for Roger to show up. You were told you will recognize him by the fact that he will be wearing a Def Leppard T-shirt. What do you do?
STEVE: I want a drink. Can we afford a drink?
EVIL TED: Yeah, remember I took all that money out of my mom’s purse two game sessions ago?
EDDIE: I’m going to play pinball, but at the same time, I’m going to keep an eye on the back door in case Roger comes in that way.
GM: Okay, roll a skill check.
EDDIE: I got a 4.
GM: You suck at pinball. Now it’s someone else’s turn.
EDDIE: Shit!
EVIL TED: I told you to take more ranks in Pinball, but you had to go and take all those ranks in Making Pot Cookies.
EDDIE: Shut up.
STEVE: I order a beer.
GM: The bartender says, “Let me see some ID.”
STEVE: I show him my fake ID.
(GM rolls a die.)
GM: The bartender is completely fooled. He says, “What kind of beer?”
STEVE: Uh… a lite beer.
GM: Evil Ted, what are you doing?
EVIL TED: Are there any hot chicks around? I have eight ranks of Pick Up Hot Chicks. My Comeliness is 24.
EDDIE: You do not have a Comeliness of 24.
EVIL TED: I do too! It’s balanced out by my Intelligence of 4.
(GM rolls a die.)
GM: There is a hot chick in the booth next to you, but she is sitting next to a big dude who has “I will kill you with my teeth” tattooed on his arm.
EVIL TED: Oh. Okay, I just watch the door for Roger.
GM: Just then, a guy comes in the front door wearing a Def Leppard T-shirt. He has long black hair, and he’s wearing sunglasses.
STEVE: Shit. Is that him?
GM: No one else in the bar is wearing a Def Leppard T-shirt, but let’s face it, Def Leppard is very cool. This might just be someone else who has a great fondness for Def Leppard.
STEVE: I’ll talk to him. I have ten ranks of Suck Up To Dealer. I go over to him.
GM: The bartender shouts, “Hey, you need to pay for that lite beer!”
STEVE: Oh, come on, I would have paid the bartender.
GM: This is a very realistic game, Steve. You didn’t say you paid the bartender.
STEVE: Okay, okay. I pay the bartender. Now I go over to the Def Leppard guy, and I say, “Hey, is your name Roger?”
GM: He looks at you and says, “Who wants to know?”
EDDIE: That is a good come back.
STEVE: I say, “My name’s Steve. I’m a friend of Larry’s. He said you might have some ‘things’ that we’d be interested in.”
(GM rolls a die.)
GM: He says, “Cool. Got some place we can chat?”
STEVE: I take him over to our booth.
EDDIE: Do I see any of this? Did I see that happen?
GM: No, you said you were keeping an eye on the back door, not the front door.
EDDIE: Ah, but I can use Detect Dealer any time I’m within 60 feet of a dealer.
GM: Right. So you’re all at the booth now. The guy says, “I hear you guys are on the lookout for some…” (stage whisper) “…high quality weed.”
EVIL TED: I use Sense Motive. Is this guy a narc?
(GM rolls a die.)
GM: You do not believe he is a narc. It’s possible, however, that he does not actually like Def Leppard.
STEVE: We could ask him questions only a Def Leppard fan would know. I’m a fourth level Butt Rocker; I would know what to ask.
EDDIE: His taste in music is not important.
STEVE: Who would wear a Def Leppard shirt if he doesn’t actually like Def Leppard? This is an important sign of whether we can trust this guy!
EVIL TED: It might just be his work outfit, to give him credibility with his customers. Like a business suit, except it says “Pour Some Sugar On Me”.
GM: The guy is waiting for an answer. What do you do?
EVIL TED: I say, “Yeah… if the price is right.”
EDDIE: Oooh, that was smooth.
GM: He says, “What if I told you I had more than just high quality weed to offer? What if I told you I had… 2-TC-special-G?”
STEVE: Oh my god, the holy grail of designer drugs! If we had some of that, we would so totally be able to get laid!
EVIL TED: I say, “That sounds pretty interesting. But you do understand we’ll have to sample the merchandise before we commit to buying something like that.”
GM: He says, “Naturally. Step into my office.” He gets up and starts to leave out the back door.
STEVE: Wait, “step into my office” – I make an Innuendo check to see what he means.
GM: He means “I have a VW bus parked out back.”
STEVE: Okay, cool.
GM: So he takes you out to the parking lot to his VW bus. You climb inside and are immediately impressed at all the shag carpet.
EDDIE: Is there a disco ball?
GM: There is totally a disco ball.
EDDIE: This rules! Why aren’t we playing Dealer characters? I thought being a Pothead character would be cool, but Potheads can’t afford rides like this and still maintain a decent supply of Doritos.
GM: The guy rolls a spliff and says, “First things first, here’s a taste of my fantastic weed, all the way from Escondido.” He offers it to you, Steve. What do you do?
STEVE: I’m going to take a big toke, but this is important – I’m just going to hold the smoke in my mouth and use Analyze Smoke to figure out where it’s actually from… I rolled a 20!
GM: You determine this pot was grown in a hidden patch within a mile and a half of Lake Wohlford in Escondido, was harvested within the last thirty days, and spent at least two weeks in the trunk of a Chevy Impala before reaching you in Spokane.
STEVE: Sweet. I inhale and pass the spliff to Eddie. I use our secret eye signal to let him know that it’s good stuff.
GM: You had a lite beer earlier – make a Nausea check.
STEVE: Are you serious?
GM: Look at the chart on page 58. Unless you have the Iron Stomach feat, a Nausea check is required whenever two substances are mixed – and in this case, beer and pot are contraindicated in a small percentage of the population, so make a Nausea check.
EDDIE: Give me the spliff before you puke on it.
EVIL TED: I say to Roger, “I think I’ll let Eddie and Steve handle sampling the weed. I’d prefer to sample the 2-TC-special-G… if you don’t mind.”
GM: The guy says, “I figured you would say that. Do you prefer to snort, swallow, inject, or inhale your 2-TC-special-G?”
EVIL TED: My character has ten ranks in Insufflation. I say “I’ll snort, thanks.”
STEVE: I failed my Nausea check.
GM: You are starting to feel nauseated.
STEVE: Shit!
GM: The guy pulls out a mirror and begins carefully preparing a line of strange white powder.
EDDIE: Have you ever tried this stuff before?
EVIL TED: No, but I have Exotic Substances Proficiency and Improved Trip. I should be fine.
GM: Eddie, you are starting to feel a good buzz.
EDDIE: Eeeeexcellent.
GM: Evil Ted, the guy hands you the mirror and a straw and says, “Knock yourself out.”
EVIL TED: I snort the line. Does it burn?
GM: Yeah, it burns a lot. You take two points damage for each of the next three rounds. You also begin clawing at your face.
EDDIE: Do I think he’s in trouble?
GM: You can’t tell, because… your buzz is starting to get very, very weird.
EDDIE: What do you mean, “weird”?
GM: As in… there might have been more than pot in that pot.
EDDIE: Ah, shit!
STEVE: What about me?
GM: You have a penalty of –4 to any movement while you attempt to resist the onset of nausea. If you do anything at all, you will have to roll a Saving Throw against Vomiting.
EVIL TED: Is it working at least? Am I starting to get high?
GM: Oh yes, it’s definitely working. In fact, you are already starting to get higher than you have ever been before. The guy starts laughing at all of you. Evil Ted, make a Saving Throw against Took Too Much.
EVIL TED: My Unfounded Confidence ability gives me a +10 on this save, so I get a total of 27.
GM: You stabilize and start to plateau on the substance.
EVIL TED: Okay, now that I’m high, I can use my Sudden Insight feat… what’s going on?
GM: It occurs to you that the next time you get offered a pile of strange white powder by a stranger, you might just possibly want to ask about the dose.
EVIL TED: That does it. I use Summon Psychedelic Entity and sic an elf on this punk’s ass.
GM: That only works on other high people. The guy never actually took a hit off that spliff. However… Steve and Eddie are both high, and both need to make a Saving Throw against Irrational Fear or they will both start having a Bad Trip.
STEVE: I failed my saving throw.
GM: You vomit all over everything as you start screaming in terror.
EDDIE: Can I tell what else I’m high on now?
GM: Yeah, there was PCP in that pot.
EDDIE: Great, that means I get a +6 to Brawl and all my damage is delayed until I come down, right? I’m going to beat the living shit out of this guy.
GM: Sorry, but you know full well Potheads aren’t allowed any violent actions. If you were playing a Pro Athlete, you could use Roid Rage, but you aren’t.
EDDIE: All right, how about I use Levitate Munchies to try to get a bag of Doritos to smack into his face?
GM: I’ll allow that.
STEVE: You say I vomit all over everything… can’t I make an attack roll to vomit on the guy’s lap in a stream?
GM: Oh. Hmm, yeah, he doesn’t have any cover, so that should be fine.
EVIL TED: Exactly how high am I getting here? Is this a fourth level high? Fifth level high?
GM: It’s an eighth level high. You’re losing a Wisdom point for every level past your actual character level that the high increases.
EVIL TED: Yeah, but my character is an Urban Shaman – and the higher I get on any substance, the more powerful this next action will be. I direct Contact High at the guy, at eighth level instead of fifth like normally. (He rolls a die.) I got a 20! Does it affect him?
GM: Wow, yeah… he suddenly starts screaming something about “where did all these flying monkeys come from” and clawing frantically at the air.
EVIL TED: Can I see straight?
(GM rolls a die.)
GM: Through the intense multi-colored swirling and the powerful pulsing of the universal tapestry, you are able to make out the situation, and the van door.
EVIL TED: I shout “Follow me!” and charge out of the van. I do a Spot Pigs check… any cops around?
GM: Nope.
EVIL TED: Great. I drag Eddie and Steve back into the bar with me. Is our booth still open?
GM: Actually, no. Curiously enough… your contact Larry is sitting in your booth. There’s a guy with him you don’t recognize… a guy wearing a Def Leppard shirt.
STEVE: But… but if this is the real Roger… who was that other guy??
GM: And that, gentlemen, is a mystery that will have to wait until next week’s session…