Citation: Fict. "Bliss, Love, Enlightenment, Insanity: An Experience with AMT & Cannabis (exp9857)". Erowid.org. Feb 22, 2002. erowid.org/exp/9857
||(powder / crystals)
| T+ 2:00
The following is an entry from my journal. W, A, N, and E are all friends of mine, anonymized.
Wow. I was out there... pretty damn far out there. A bit too far for comfort, in fact. Never in my life have a tripped so hard. The course of action was basically the same as last time, except I smoked a bit more bud than last time, and I smoked it earlier in the trip. I know I've said it before, but pot really potentiates AMT for me.
So, here's what happened:
Knowing that AMT takes at least an hour to take effect, I ate my gelcap at 3:25, just before chem class started. Just as class was ending, I was starting to feel the first effects of the drug, which manifested as a mild anxiety, and some uncomfortable body load. By 5:00, I was getting long tracers and seeing mild auras around people. I was able to think clearly, as my thought processes were basically the same as baseline. IE, minimal mindfuck.
So, I chilled out with W and N and the crew for a bit in the hippie suite. I call it the hippie suite because, well, it's a suite in my basically dominated by neo-hippies. They have some magnificent tapestries and posters. It's a very trip-friendly place to be. Visuals were getting more intense. Walls and the ceiling began breathing, and mild fractal patterns covered most all flat surfaces. The wood grain of their closets was shifting, warping, and twisting around. Beautiful.
So then we go to smoke a blunt. You'd think I would have learned from last time that this might not be the best idea this early in the night. Oh well.
I had three or four tokes. This time, it took longer for the nature of the trip to change. Walking back to the dorm was like moving through some kind of cartoon. W looked like some kind of zombie, so I didn't want to talk to him. When we reached the parking lot, I realized that the entire surface of the lot was completely covered in patterns. The grass was neon green, and the colors of the changing leaves were extremely exaggerated. When I got back to the hippie suite, I went to A's room and lied down in her bed. Everyone was going to go to Dukes (an on-campus dining hall), but, once again, I was in no condition to be leaving the suite.
At some point, I left the hippie suite and went back to my room. By this time, I was tripping hard.
I lay down in my bed, shut off the lights, and turned on Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works V. 2, which is, quite possibly, the best album to trip to in the world.
I closed my eyes. I forgot about my body.
I felt the cells in my body working together. I saw them interacting. I saw life as a process, mapped out in my mind's eye. Everything was completely immersive. I became other people. My reality merged with other realities. I didn't know which life I belonged in. Was I in prison? Was this the correct reality for me? Was I in college? Was I dead? I couldn't say for certain in which reality I existed, much less which I was supposed to exist in. I was shown the sacrifices that others had made for me to allow me to be where I am today. I found myself watching as consciousness was placed, by machine, into certain bodies. I thought that mine had been mixed up, that I was somehow existing in the wrong body.
Once again, time lost all meaning. Forwards, backwards, whatever. Seconds felt like years. Eventually, it didn't really matter. I was simply existing free of the concept of time.
At around 10 PM or so, I got out of bed and talked with my friend, Ed online. I told him what I'd taken, and tried to describe the effects. Suddenly, something strange happened.
I let go.
I looked at the monitor. Something clicked. Instantly, I was no longer 'here.' I found myself, a pre-schooler, in a dark room. There was a sudden rush of air from my left, and a door opened. Some light shined through the door, and I made out a faint silhouette. As quickly as it appeared, it was over.
Strangely, this wasn't simply some abstract concept or idea existing in my mind's eye. It was actually happening. I don't know exactly what I experienced, but I can't help but wonder if it was a piece of a repressed memory. I was actually experiencing the memory first-hand, reliving the short sequence.
My normal reality came back to me. I sat, stunned for a few minutes. I talked to E about what had just happened. ... Then, I let go again.
I sat, hands removed from the keyboard, and watched the IM window. I could only watch as the window filled itself with sentences describing what I had seen, giving it context. I became convinced that I was being hypnotized, that I was existing within the mind of another being. This wasn't my memory to experience, it was someone else's.
E left. I went back to bed.
My mind wandered. I wondered if I was dying. I saw death as a process, rather than an end, though. I saw myself consuming AMT as a means to enter another state of existence, far removed from this one. It was as though taking AMT was the gateway into another life, that it was the key I needed to symbolize that I had already learned all there was to know in this life. I wondered if this was part of some grand, divine plan, and I was supposed to use AMT to enter a higher level of consciousness, permanently. Surprisingly, I was okay with the idea.
Then I started wondering if this was simply a dream. .. About this time, I started coming down off the cannabis.
Coming down was an experience in itself. I was still lying in my bed, eyes closed most of the time, trying to make sense of everything going on around me. Everything started becoming very dream-like. With my eyes closed, I saw myself awakening from bed, starting my day as I always do. I felt as though I was just waking up, that the entire experience was simply a dream. My mind was suddenly flooded with insights and truths about reality and the meaning of life, and then promptly forgotten, as in a dream. Throughout the entire experience, I was creating my dreams, and now I was simply beginning to experience them. I was somewhere between creator and creation, stuck in some kind of limbo.
I was still shifting realities, but they became more vague and dreamlike. It occurred to me that my mind was on some kind of timeshare, and that I exist in different lives while I dream, and only remember fragments of those lives.
I know that a lot of this sounds unpleasant and characteristic of a 'bad trip.' It wasn't. It wasn't especially fun, but it was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. I didn't get to sleep until around 9 or 10 this morning. Once again, I was allowed to view the world through a different lens, and once again, I wondered if everyone perceives things so differently.
So, that was the most intense experience of my life.... One of the best, too.
That's where the journal entry ends, but there's a little supplementary information I should add.
First of all, there was some amount of body load, but once I got up and started moving around, the uncomfortable feeling subsided. The most notable side-effects were nystagmus and trisma. I find that AMT on its own is generally quite mild, but is extremely psychedelic when combined with cannabis.
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