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Internal Death
Cacti - Mescaline-containing
Citation:   Daniel H.. "Internal Death: An Experience with Cacti - Mescaline-containing (exp98475)". Erowid.org. Sep 7, 2018. erowid.org/exp/98475

 
DOSE:
4 capsls oral Cacti - Mescaline-containing (extract)
  3 capsls oral Cacti - Mescaline-containing (extract)
BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb
This mescaline trip changed my life and has left me scarred, mentally and physically. Today is the 5 month aniversary of the day this happened to me. Before I start this report, a brief history of my drug use prior to this experience. At the time that this particular experience occurred, I had done LSD twice and mushrooms twice. Other than that, I had only smoked marijuana and drank alcohol. I had about 7 pills of mescaline extract, the measurement of which I'm not sure.

I left my house around 10 a.m., and headed towards an abandoned house surrounded by trees that I had smoked weed at before. I ingested 2 of the mescaline pills on the way there and 2 more once I arrived. It hit me after about 30 minutes. I got very nauseous, but not similar to the way mushrooms made me. It was more similar to alcohol. Eventually, I fell down from all of the spinning that I felt in my head.

At this point, I began to realize the strength of the drug I had taken. The tree that I was laying under seemed to start to grow over me and hold me to the ground. I was stuck there staring up at the sky for who knows how long. What gave me the strength to get up was an adrenaline rush from a bee stinging me on my right arm. I jumped up, and looked around. Every tree looked the same, and it was unbearably hot. The temperature forecast for that day, I later learned, was at a high of 104 degrees.

I realized that I just couldn't bare to stay out in the woods for the remainder of the trip. The only thing I remember about walking home tripping was thinking about how good it would feel to be in an air conditioned environment. When I got home, my little sister greeted me. I blew her off because I didn't know how to handle talking to other people while tripping, as I had only tripped alone before. I went straight down to my room, (in the basement) and layed on my bed. The visuals were getting so intense at this point that I was having true open-eye visuals. I saw rats crawling on the floors and spiders crawling on the ceiling. I had decided to trip on this particular day because my mother was off on a college visit with my sister, and I felt I could enjoy a trip at home better without an authority figure in the house. However, this trip very soon took a turn for the worst. The rats and spiders I was seeing were scary enough, but eventually I actually started seeing them crawl on my skin. These freaked me out, but I could still tell myself, 'You're just on a drug, this will wear off.'
I could still tell myself, 'You're just on a drug, this will wear off.'


I settled into to my room for probably about 2 minutes, before a thought popped into my head. I don't remember what I thought I had to do at the time, but it made me get up and walk out my door. On my way to do whatever it was that I had to do, I remembered that I had another thing, that I had to do. These thoughts kept building and building, and I never got anything done. In the process of running around trying to figure out how I was going to accomplish this now infinitely long to-do list in my head, I lost my glasses. My memory from this point on is very limited, but bare with me.

The next scene I can remember happened in front my front door. I saw a man, and I thought I was in trouble for taking mescaline. I had 3 more pills of it in my room and I was terrified in the way that a young child is terrified of his father holding a belt. I thought I could communicate with him telepathically, so in my head I screamed things like, 'There's nothing wrong with psychedelics!' 'What's wrong with them?' and 'Oh please no!' He spoke back to me from within my own head in some foreign language that I have never heard before. His voices was louder than anything I have ever heard in my life, and covering my ears only made it louder. At this point, I decided that the only way to get out of trouble was to run to my room and take the remaining 3 pills. I jumped down the stairs leading down to my room, and my head burst through the wall in front of the bottom of the stairs. I just kept going though, and managed to take the 3 remaining pills. I closed my eyes as I swallowed them, and saw the mescaline powder splatter onto my brain. My memory cuts out there, and picks up approximately a hour later.

I felt very trapped inside my house, as my trip had been the most terrifying experience I've ever had. I saw the outside and the sun shining down on my street through a tall side window next to my door. My reasoning skills were completely gone, so I tried to get outside. After jumping out of the window, I got back up and limped inside. The glass had cut my neck so that there was a flap of skin peeled away, showing the blood vessels in my neck. Also, it tore through the tendon in my knee, which was indescribably painful. I screamed in pain once I got back downstairs. This alerted my brother. As I lay at the bottom of the stairs, he screamed in horror at seeing me in this state. He called my mother, and she called the police.

When the police arrived there, I had no idea who they were. I was on the floor, and I remember seeing them walking in. I eventually reasoned that they were my friends I had I just survived a really bad crash on my skateboard. Then they started trying to get me onto a stretcher. My knee was in such pain that my mind forced itself into an out-of-body experience where I saw myself being grinded onto pavement in a back and forth motion by these men. They ground up all of my body but my left leg. This was the center of my pain, and my hallucination reflected this. Once they got to my left leg and the rest of my body was just a bloody pile on the pavement, I saw my left leg begin to grow at the knee. My knee continued to grow and they continued to grind, and I experienced an infinite moment of excruciating pain. This moment was the single worst, most terrifying, and depressing thing that has ever happened to me. I still struggle with trying to get over the image of my whole existance just being a small, insignificant bloody pile on the street.
I still struggle with trying to get over the image of my whole existance just being a small, insignificant bloody pile on the street.
During the ambulance ride to the hospital I felt like an animal in a cage, as everyone was staring at me and pointing at different parts on my body. I have no memory after that point, until the next morning when I woke up to my mom in the hospital.

I have a permanent scar down my neck and my knee, and still experience some joint stiffness 5 months after this incident. I suffer from social anxiety now, and I really have no idea how to communicate with people in a normal way. I also have what I call 'feeling flashbacks' where I get a feeling identical to arguing with the man inside my head, or the feeling of watching myself die over and over on the pavement. It's hard, but I'm trying to pull through it.

My lesson learned: Respect the psychedelic drug, and it will respect you. I was very careless in preparing for my trip. I had never tripped during the day before, and I had never tripped outside of my own house. Usually before I trip, I meditate for about 30 minutes to put my mind at rest. This mescaline was the only time that I didn't meditate before going into it.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 98475
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 15
Published: Sep 7, 2018Views: 1,541
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Cacti - Mescaline-containing (809) : First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Alone (16)

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