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Opening My Heart
Cacti - T. pachanoi
by Chaucer is Hercules
Citation:   Chaucer is Hercules. "Opening My Heart: An Experience with Cacti - T. pachanoi (exp97544)". Erowid.org. Feb 14, 2019. erowid.org/exp/97544

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
4 oz oral Cacti - T. pachanoi (tea)
  T+ 0:00 1 g oral Nicotinamide  
  T+ 0:20 1 g oral Nicotinamide  
  T+ 0:40 1 g oral Nicotinamide  
  T+ 1:00 1 g oral Nicotinamide  
  T+ 1:20 1 g oral Nicotinamide  

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


Opening My Heart and a Niacinamide Experiment

I boiled San Pedro powder for three hours, then strained out the pulp with cloth. I boiled the strained liquid to reduce it to 8oz, spilling some of it in the process. I drank 4oz.

The effects came on quickly. My memory of the experience is a little hazy, as it usually is for me with these sorts of substances. I can't explain or remember everything, or even a large portion of it.

I remember thinking that the effects were much different than another cactus I'd tried. I didn't get much of a body glow this time. Actually the experience felt more like mushrooms. At the time I thought it was silly to distinguish between mushrooms, LSD, and mescaline. Now I'm not so sure.

I was lying down with my eyes closed, listening to Blonde on Blonde. The song meanings were suddenly clear, and they were sometimes about drugs, and being outside of regular culture, especially Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat. When I opened my eyes the drawers from my dresser were extending very far into the room, as if they were about to fall out. The paintings on the walls swirled sometimes, but not continuously. One of the abstract paintings became very meaningful, and I realized I how horrifying the painter's life had been, and how strange it was to display all that pain on my wall. I think there was some synethesia, because things sort of moved in relation to the music, but not directly. I felt like the gates had been thrown open.

When I closed my eyes I had visions/feelings. They weren't completely direct visuals, as if I was sort of imagining them. There were some personal experiences about heaven and hell, and pain and suffering, like of the the enslavement of whole peoples. I also felt love for the first time. It was a feeling in my heart. I haven't felt it before. Usually feelings are just thoughts to me.
I also felt love for the first time. It was a feeling in my heart. I haven't felt it before. Usually feelings are just thoughts to me.
I felt the love of my family and felt sad about some things. My heart was broken open and I could feel.

After three hours with my eyes closed I went to take a shower. I looked in the mirror with my clothes off. I looked horrifying, completely misshapen and diseased, with a sunken chest. But I knew something was off, because my arms were big and muscular.

Later I decided I needed to love myself. I was angry at other people a lot because I didn't love and accept myself. For a moment I looked at my horrifying body and decided I needed to accept it no matter how ugly. I imagined all sorts of physical ailments I could have, and how I would need to love myself no matter what I looked like. I think after doing/starting to do that, I was able to see myself more realistically, and I wasn't so ugly. But I also had my shirt back on.

My heart didn't feel warm any more, and I wanted to feel regular again. So I took about 5 grams of niacinamide. After an hour I think I was completely normal. I don't know if that much niacinamide is safe. I took 1g at a time ever 20 minutes until I felt totally normal.

[Reported Dose: '40 to 50g']

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 97544
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: 27 
Published: Feb 14, 2019Views: 133
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Cacti - T. pachanoi (64) : Combinations (3), General (1), Alone (16)

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