Citation: ivesmokedbaredraw. "For Those About to Puff: An Experience with Cannabis (exp9709)". Erowid.org. Jul 8, 2005. erowid.org/exp/9709
My story does not in any way consist of one positive or one negative drug experience; instead it consists of a 10-month period of drug addiction or habituation. I am 15 years old and I have used cannabis for nearly a year now almost daily. It all started at a party when a drug dealer forced his way in. I wasn't particularly bothered because I had wanted to smoke draw for a while, so I bought some hashish and smoked it, it was really weird, because I was so used to the out of control buzz of drinking, this feeling of floaty light headedness was really different.
After the party finished about a week later I bought some more draw off this boy I knew and really enjoyed smoking it, everything about it the weird thoughts that came across me, the whole body buzz and all the secretiveness of using drugs. After a while I took to buying draw everyday and getting really stoned every night, usually alone. This enjoyment faded after about 3 months and I just felt depressed and worthless, I lost all self-respect, stole from my parents so I could buy draw and get high. I decided to quit, as you may have guessed I only managed 3 long, painful days without the stuff. I lost a really beautiful girl during this time, who I really liked but who could easily see that I was spinning way out of control.
When I finally realised that I couldn't carrying on stealing without getting caught I decided to start selling the stuff, there were so many people who wanted to get stoned all the time so why not. I knew even then that it was wrong... I got at least 5 people addicted to it so I could get high everyday from the proceeds. It came to a stage where I would smoke two joints before even getting out of bed, another one on the way to school and two at lunchtime. Then when I got home I would probably have a spliff and go to sleep until the night, where I would get up and go round to a friends house and smoke some more, I thought that I could get away with it forever…until my school phoned up my parents and told them that I had been selling drugs to other pupils, my god that is when I knew I really had to stop, so I only sold to my close friends, and kept getting high. By this stage I was so paranoid that I was scared to go out for longer than 20 minutes, under the impression that I was being followed by undercover police, I wasn't.
Then I started to puff with my friend Elliott, now he didn't give two fucks where his money for draw came from, so we had draw everyday, usually skunk. By this stage I was very rarely actually in reality and had real trouble thinking. That carried on until I was stricken with really bad depression and panic attacks after I lost my new girlfriend who I genuinely loved, I started cutting myself up real bad, I have counted the cuts, 89. I nearly died once cos I passed out, but fortunately it was only a feint from having really low blood pressure due to smoking too much puff. Even after all that, a course of Prozac and 10 days in bed not moving I still carried on smoking draw and that's where I am 4 months later, with all the scars to show for it, during those four months I have beaten up my drug dealer with a pistol, beaten up a girl, which I never would have done if I hadn't smoked draw and lost the respect of my family and friends, been labelled as a druggie who cant be trusted by my school and had innumerable thoughts of suicide all for a bit of a herb and tobacco rolled into a rizla. For those of you thinking of getting into puff, don't.
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