Citation: PewterG. "Profoundly Startled: An Experience with DPT, Methoxetamine & Nitrous Oxide (exp96281)". Erowid.org. Feb 23, 2013. erowid.org/exp/96281
I had been both looking forward to and dreading trying DPT for a while. After hearing many reports of users becoming uncomfortable and overwhelmed, as well as many reports of profound serenity, powerful visions, and beautiful scenery, I had built up an incredible respect for the drug with never having tried it. I adore both the mind expanding visionary 'classic psychedelics' (such as LSD, psilocybe mushrooms, 2C-E, DMT...) as well as the wonky, weird, introverted 'sit your ass down and trip' realm of dissociatives like ketamine and methoxetamine, so DPT seemed like it would be a perfect addition to my medicine bag from what I'd heard of it. However, when I ended up being given some by one of my psychonaut friends I found I was very apprehensive about putting this particular substance into my body despite being quite typically eager to try the rest of my new selection (2C-T-7, miprocin, metocin, 2C-P, 2C-I). After reading many many many experience reports and the Primer online a couple times, I felt like I was mentally prepared to try it on for size. Now it all came down to finding the 'perfect moment', whatever that means.
I had decided at work that day in mid-May that the 'perfect moment' would be that night, for no other reason than because of the tried and true 'it's now or never' reasoning. I was quite excited about trying it right up until the point where I was at home with the syringe full and ready to go, when the task seemed a lot more ominous and severe than fun and insightful. I had dissolved 30 mg in 3 cc of water with heat, which turned slightly opaque, a dark red, and smelled of the jungle-junk aroma I associate with DMT. As I drew it up, the cotton ball I was using turned brown like dried blood. I did this hours before I planned on using it because I was nervous and knew that I'd be more likely to do it if it was already drawn, but when I saw this reaction I was a little less than amped.
After going to the movies to see a crappy R-rated college flick, a few failed attempts at sleeping, and quite a bit more time questioning whether this was the right night (I had done miprocin, mushrooms and methoxetamine a couple days prior), I read some final trip reports and smoked some bong before taking the plunge. I put on a Melo.Nade set, Ottoman Audible, and stuck the syringe in my left thigh. I opted for IMing mostly because IMing is the route I am most comfortable with when compared to snorting or smoking, but also because of a lack of product. I was intent on going all the way in with this one and had heard that many users much prefer this route to smoking, railing, or ingesting. I decided I wanted to keep the lights on after reading reports of some people being touched/massaged by spirit entities. I was only going to be using 30 mg to just get a feeling for the drug, but I know from experience that having the lights off in a room during a dissociating experiment can impact the journey profoundly and I was not keen on entity contact during this assay.
I smoked a bong hit, laid back and waited for the effects to settle in. Soon after, I noticed my hands and feet becoming 'clammy'. This, I realized, was more of a sensation than a physical reaction, because my hands and feet were warm to the touch and dry, but this soon developed into cold sweating extremities. My mouth also felt pasty despite ample saliva, more noticeable than usual when I get stoned. I began to feel a rush I typically associate with low doses of salvia, like a sort of psychedelic panic where it feels like something big is very wrong. At this dose, however, the effect was more subtle than salvia, with me only observing the panic without getting caught up in it but it did carry on to a faster tempo which permeated the whole experience.
All of a sudden everything in my visual field, levered by the spotlight of focus, was teeter-tottering up and down slightly, relatively quickly, giving a whooshing effect. At first I would not have defined it as shaking like many others do as it was slower than shaking in my opinion (I would define it more as a fast wiggle) however I could easily see that that sensation could be nauseating to others and would probably result in SBS if that force was applied to an infant. I only ever felt slight inklings of potential nausea but there was no vomiting and I was more excited than uncomfortable. My headspace became more noticeable, like my mind's eye was widening and deepening to become more of an empty space than a screen to project thoughts on, which weighed my head down. I soon noticed the colours in my room intensify slightly, with neon green/saturated purple (the Colour of Magic) on the edge of perception, and watched as a vivid, almost Jell-O looking rainbow halo appeared around the hanging lamp in my room, which itself was climbing up and down its chain, the wide metal lampshade teeter-tottering. The light on my computer was going through cycles, each about 30-45 seconds long, where it would start motionless, steadily get more excited and release its energy by shaking and then vibrating, until it was back to being calm and slow, drifting rather than vibrating until it got excited again. I reflect that the visual distortions are cartoonish as described in many other reports, like everything was rotoscoped as in the film adaptation of P. K. Dick's 'A Scanner Darkley'. There was a definite push to lie down and close my eyes, but the lack of mental imagery made this much less interesting. The only CEVs were psychedelic static, barely noticeable, yet active like the rest of my vision, swaying, wiggling, and shaking slowly.
I decided, at T+0:25, that I needed to do either more DPT or something else if I wanted to get anything profound out of this substance during this experiment. I was stuck halfway into the experience, essentially barely affected by the distortions and sensations despite being immersed in them. I decided, after smoking some weed to little effect, that 25 mgs methoxetamine IMed (half my usual amount when mixing) would be exactly what this experiment needed. This amount would act more as a catalyst to the DPT than anything to write home about in itself. I have used MXE with many psychedelics before to help explore them to great effect. It seems to replace perception of the drug's effect with the drug itself, facilitating becoming completely engrossed in the experience. I weigh it out on a mg scale and injected it into my left buttock at T+0:35. I lay back down and waited to see what this will turn into.
As the MXE kicked in, I noticed dancing shadows on my ceiling made from the after images of the light imprinted in my eye. They started off as shadows, but I soon saw them as spirits, with the impression of leading heads and tailing bodies, like comets. My long hair in front of my face, now much more noticeable than usual, felt as if it was flowing with energy, swaying and crimping slightly. I cannot even imagine what would happen if I turn off the music at this point, because this mellow dubby set has become such an integral part of this experience, with all activity mediated by the sounds, grounding the jarring with the serene. So important is the music that it feels almost as if it is a part of the ceremony of this drug. This set gave a very meditative warm atmosphere, and it is only now, half an hour and 25 mgs of MXE into it, that I appreciate this importance fully. The panic mellowed out a little, but the rushing remained, and was so powerful that it, along with the deeper mind's eye weighing my eye lids down, would make my eyes flutter closed to observe whatever visions were on the other side, which were still static-y but were developing shapes and lines rapidly.
Since my fear of entity contact had been completely shattered within the last 5 minutes (when one of the shadow spirits zoomed by my right ear from behind my head) I decided it was time to turn off the lights. Back in bed, the dancing shadows on the ceiling, which is still somewhat lit by my computer screen, continued to zoom around and chase each other. As I closed my eyes, the fuzz, continuing to take on more distinct forms, got more of a misty quality and was illuminated slightly. It was like watching small monochrome clouds up-close until I saw visions of hands, both indistinct, uncountable, yet clearly styled, coming together at the fingertips in blurry Mudras in the middle of my headspace. They were all Jainist style, sacredly cartoonish, with the fingers and the thumbs curved and pointed. They swam around each other, a screen hiding the back of my new headspace.
This was almost as mystical and spiritual as what they opened up to reveal: a bemused Tibetan Buddha head, lit from an unseen source directly beneath, pivoting back and forth inside my head. Only the part of the image that was being lit was visible, with the spots that would normally be taken up by shadows on a corporeal face (which, with the extreme light angle, was most of the face) simply not there, leaving empty space instead. There were points where He appeared as if He was a transparent Russian doll, with images on the inside equally as distinct as the outer form and becoming more clear with focus, both seeing through the image and at the image. I want to describe it as many images of the Buddha superimposed on top of each other and swimming around, over, and through each other like the hands, but the 3-D nature of the Image called for more of a Russian Doll analogy. In no way was it concrete enough to have this analogy hold true apart from a consistent outer shell, varying in intensity but always present, like a Buddha aura. Despite being indistinct, the image was shown with such clarity that there was no denying its existence. I was in awe and reverence. I, for the first time for myself, had found a true entheogen. It could just as easily have been Jesus, Vishnu, or Ra that I saw, but this Buddha was what found Its way in. I had to laugh at how incredibly awe inspiring and grandiose The Vision was, but it was less of a 'Hahaha!' laugh and more of a 'Huhuhuh...??' laugh. The shadow spirits were still zooming around the room when I opened my eyes, but the 'image' (if you can call it that) clung to my CEVs for at least 10 minutes. I could tell He was being persistent, making it perfectly clear to me that I saw what I saw.
The shadows, now seeming more like Small Gods begging for belief than spirits simply haunting, also had more distinct characteristics, some Elvish, cheerful and good spirited with slightly feline features, some dark clouds with gaping holes for mouths, almost Dementor- or Ring-Wraith-like. I knew I was Protected by my Vision so even the most malevolent-looking of them was peered at with interest and curiosity. There was a religious and spiritual undertone to everything about the experience, from the patterning (between misty and cloudy, flowing, monochrome, with many lines, angles, and spirals distorting my room, yet somehow linked to the Higher nature of the drug) to the body sensations (pure awe, wonder and worship flowing through my body comes close to describing it). I could not sit or lie in a way that didn't convey to me some sort of Yogic significance. My room was, including the garbage bags of clothes on the floor and the clutter on the desk, in perfect Feng Shui. The music, massively important as a grounding and calming agent by this time, was ancient and mystic. I did wonder about Tantric sex, but my life partner, along with that thought, will remain in a different city for another couple months, making it easy to stay in the current experience. I soon remember reading about the Temple of the True Inner Light briefly and their use of DPT as a sacrament. I felt like I could be their next prophet just from this one experience, and, immediately after the visions reduced back to fuzz, I got on the Internet and looked up their website and some forums about them. I was disappointed with what I found (my opinion: too much Jesus, not enough personal interpretation) but was still filled with such serenity from having witnessed what I had, and with a renewed faith in psychedelics as entheogens.
As the sensations and visuals became less engaging, my mind turned to trying to decipher and understand the experience. I came to the realization that I had actually used DPT a couple of years prior, having been sold to me as a half a gram of ketamine at a club. I knew it wasn't K after trying some at the event, because it didn't feel like K, what with the visual distortions and lack of defined dissociation, and it made my nose much more sore than K usually does. I must have had around 75 mg of the half gram after splitting up with my friends, which I went home with and railed in bed to a much different experience than ketamine. Although it wasn't what I thought I had paid for, I still found myself interested in trying it again. The person I had got it from had sold me the last of her stash and was herself utterly convinced it was ketamine, so there was no chance of getting more of it. I had been saying without certainty that it could have been DMT because of the short colourful nature of the experience and had stopped thinking about it after rationalizing it that way. There was always a feeling of uncertainty about the experience since I had figured it would be one of those things I would never know for sure. It was an odd Eureka! moment when I figured it out because I had been wondering about that stuff for years, and to have such a sudden realization being handed to me without any personal effort was, although amusing, almost jarring. I remembered the odd rushing dissociating feeling, the vivid and cartoonish visual distortions with lights reminiscent of melting Jell- O, and watching a light on my computer in the dark room drift and wiggle up and down. When I looked closer at the light I could see a spaceship/hovercraft. After remembering all this quite clearly, I tried to focus on a green light on my laptop to see if it would do the same. After a little bit, the area around the light was reduced to fuzz and the little green light took off, slowly zooming and shaking around that area. It even looked like the spaceship from years ago, rounded and insectoid like a housefly, but steam-punk styled.
I was in an amazing mood and wanted to prolong and intensify the mystic vibes for as long as possible, so I decided I would take a hit of nitrous to see how they mix. After my nitrous, miprocin, and 2C-E adventure, I had high hopes for nitrous mixed with any psychedelic and since The Visions were dying down I wanted to see how far it could take me. I took a bong toke and cracked one canister into a balloon at around T+1:30, got back into bed, and took it in a couple breaths. And, uuuuh...now what? Absolutely nothing spectacular happened with this combo during this experience. Why isn't it working? Maybe I have a tolerance...from using a single canister twice a month for the last couple months?? Maybe that part of the brain is already being stimulated, or DPT already feels like nitrous...?? It might have been that Buddha had been the peek and that any attempting to get back there during this trip was futile... Whatever, the experience rolls on, with amorphous chunky cauliflower open eye patterning dominating my visuals, arranging itself to the music, which turned briefly into some unfocused monster totem spirit krumping during one particularly fresh glitchop break down... Okay, maybe the nitrous did do something.
As the unfocused fast patterning tapers off, I realize that there is a quite noticeable and slightly distracting soreness at the site of injection, only slightly worse than a flu vaccine (again, religious undertones; 'Spirit Medicine; It hurts but It works!!'). That spot remained tender for two days after the injection, but went back to normal soon after. I made a mental note to never again take DPT in the leg.
By T+2:30, I was pretty much back from the trip (the set was over, bong hits did nothing, and I felt safe turning my computer off), but I was stuck in an odd spot in terms of integrating the experience into my life. I wanted to tell people about it and share the amazing knowledge that DPT is a direct way of facilitating worship of deities but I knew so many of my friends were against 'research chemicals' that, even if I did tell people about The Vision, many would be too hung up on the fact that I injected a chemical that no one knows anything about into one of my most precious limbs and obviously saw some crazy life altering shit to even think about how that experience could be relevant in their lives. How would I go about explaining the significance of this to my mother? I was also experiencing an odd dichotomy when thinking about using it again myself: although there was a part of me that was incredibly curious about exploring this at slightly higher doses ASAP, my body and memories of how rattling the experience was were telling me to not use it again for a while.
The experience both calls for further investigation and begs to stand on it's own. I found this paradox even when thinking about writing this report: I wanted to explore the drug more before saying the report is done but I also wanted to finish the report before trying more (I did try it again to elaborate on some of the sensations and visuals). Seeing Buddha in itself was, although serene, almost unnerving, as I really was not expecting something that unbelievably profound. The effects faded away slowly, leaving nothing more than the cartoonish glassy Jell-O-y quality (reduced to mild but noticeable for days), classic MXE insomnia (asleep by T+3:30 though), and an intense urge to find meaning for this experience, which continued for the next days as I wrote this report and integrated the experience into my life. I noticed that even a week after, as the effects of the drug contorted my HPPD (as all psychedelics do for me to some extent, adding a certain flavour to my daily life until my next experience), my closed eye patterning, which is usually just static, gained more coherent forms, like clouds well educated in human experience trying out different shapes until finding one that fits. Stretching weeks after the experience, I would see visions like an ornate ivy covered lamp post, a stereotypically creepy young white girl with long brown braids, and indistinct monsters and architecture that would only vaguely resemble something concrete.
The greatest respect for a drug since my LSD days stopped me from taking any DPT for a while after the experience. I couldn't stop thinking about it, but unlike other drugs that have made me feel this way, I felt like I had to wait long to use it out of respect for the experience. This was one of the most significant trips of my life and I was in no hurry to push myself into it again. Although I do take spirituality and religion seriously, I was also one to take it with a grain a salt and considered it something best suited to other people. My belief in deities has become strong (although still indistinct and centered around animism and mysticism with some classic monotheism sprinkled on top for good measure) from this one experience. Just from this trip, I not only felt much more at peace with the world and myself, but gained a new perspective, nay, appreciation, of religious philosophy, particularly of Asiatic religions. If this substance can expose me, an agnostic with no rigid beliefs, to as profound a religious/spiritual Revelation as it did, I can only imagine how people with a definite deity would react. I had become disconnected from my environment, body, obligations, and stressors, and connected to something Higher, spiritual, all encompassing, yet undefinable and vague. No rules were laid out, no prophecies made, just a feeling and a vision were had, leaving the significance of this experience to guesswork and, to a certain extent, moralistic reasoning. I reasoned, quite simply and in no new way, that the community should work together to keep the peace and ensure that everyone not only has their physical and mental needs met in a way that lets them create their own future, but has the opportunity to explore themselves, their faith and their beliefs with whatever catalyst they see fit, as long as they respect their obligations to nurture and protect their body/mind and family/community and impede no one else on their journey of exploration and discovery. There is a Spirit, both within and around all of us, that can, nay, must be called upon (through meditation, prayer, entheogen use, etc.) to achieve a greater understanding of our place in this world and diffuse our material stresses.
I do plan on trying DPT again at the 40 mg range with (if necessary) a canister of nitrous as the initial booster and 25 mgs of MXE as the sustainer, but every time I think about using it again, I simultaneously think about how I still need to Find Meaning for my Time with Buddha.
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