Citation: Anne. "Disconnected From My Physical Body: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp95802)". Erowid.org. Apr 26, 2014. erowid.org/exp/95802
||(blotter / tab)
It was about midnight, my partner's sister had come over and smoked with us a while, and delivered some tabs. We took the tabs rather suddenly just after she left, and in retrospect it wasn't exactly ideal timing; I hadn't eaten all day and felt tired and nauseous. We had smoked quite a bit of weed though, and I was excited about finally having tabs again.
I placed the tab under my tongue. She hadn't specified how much LSD each tab contained, but had assured us that these were much stronger than the last tabs we had gotten, which had apparently been weak, though we had had nothing to compare it to.
I tried to eat some fruit and small things, but as I started to come up, I found food unappetizing and ate little.
It came on quicker than I expected, and suddenly I found myself being aware that my body was terribly uncomfortable, although I didn't exactly feel my body in the regular way. I became aware that I may vomit, and asked my partner to bring me a bucket. We both felt totally calm throughout this time and throughout the whole trip, even thought I did end up throwing up twice into the bucket. I was aware of the discomfort to my body but again, didn't really feel it as I normally would. The worst part was trying to rid my sinuses and airways of mucus and vomit residue afterwards.
After my stomach was empty, my mind became full. I became more and more disconnected from my physical body, although I would occasionally become aware of it suddenly and the fact that it was exhausted, and that I still had many hours of tripping left. It made me laugh, and I ascended, somewhere. I knew that this acid was indeed much stronger than what I'd tried previously, and that I was in for something I had never experienced before. I don't remember much from the peak, but my body was gone, I saw the void and the void saw me, I became aware of what I was and the all places I existed in, I saw myself for what I truly am.
I saw a scale that was tipping, and I knew about our constant flipping back and forth and falling into and out along both sides, to each identical end, I knew positivity and negativity to be a fallacy existing only for us, that both poles were identical and we could put ourselves anywhere we want if we know how.
As I came down a little, I started to get stuck on tangents. My body was weak and dehydrated, though I didn't realise, and I would try to get up and do things normally, and become annoyed when my body hindered me. I knew I had to fix my body, but after trying unsuccessfully a few times, I asked my partner to help me. I clung to him and said I needed nutrients and water, and that I was probably cold (but I couldn't feel it). He was sweet and helped me and I ate, and drank a LOT of water. I hadn't realised how dehydrated I had become. After that I felt immensely better, smoked some pot and came up a little again, and enjoyed the clouds and sunrise that had started to appear outside.
Eventually me and my partner decided to sit outside until the sun came up. I enjoyed watching the birds and the trees living, and I stared at the branches of this one fir tree for a long time, telling my partner about it's roots that were growing under the concrete. Suddenly the tree seemed so alive, so conscious, and a light yellow aura appeared around it. I ogled at it in shock, as up until that point most of my visuals had been less obvious or close-eyed. The aura grew slightly and then seemed to 'burst' into a multitude of flowing patterns in the sky, ancient writing of some obscure language, symbols and eye and flowing light. It was beautiful, I felt as though the tree was trying to communicate something to me. I tried to show my partner but he distracted me by saying something about what he was seeing in another part of the sky. He said that he saw a kind of grid made of the edges of light, and as he said it I could see it too. We watched patterns together for a while, but soon realised it was quite cold outside and that we should go in.
At this point we had been tripping for 6-7 hours and my partner was getting tired. I knew I was tired, my body was still exhausted, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep while the sun was up. I lay in bed while my partner fell asleep for a few hours, then realised I was still affected even though it had been a long time since I dosed. I was tired and becoming a bit paranoid so I got up and distracted myself with the computer for a few hours. After that, at around 3pm, 15 hours after dosing, I STILL felt affected and weird, my vision was dancing with movement and light and colours were as vivid as when I was peaking. My thoughts had been racing this entire time, my brain felt as though it was going 1000 times faster than it normally does, and I was getting quite sick of the feeling. I wished at that point I had kept some benzos around so I could make it stop and finally go to sleep.
My partner woke up as it became dark and I clung somewhat pathetically to him, my emotions felt fragile and I didn't want him to leave my side. He left at one point to go to the store to get soda and I became afraid. I hugged my pet dog and remembered terrible things, and I cried. I was sure something terrible would happen too him whle he was gone, because someone was trying to make fun of me and wanted me to suffer, and I waited in terror for him to come back. He did, and I cried to him and begged him to forgive me for something terrible I did as a child. He calmed me, and said of course he forgave me, and I soon became calm and happy again.
All I thought about afterwards was religious rituals in which people beg God for forgiveness, and since I felt I had seen the face of the thing that many recognise to be God (void), and it's true nature, I felt recognition in my actions. I thought also of the story of Adam and Eve, and I thought, knowledge is a gift you give yourself. LSD is a gift you give yourself. Learning is a gift you give to (everybody). I never thought I'd find any meaning in the bible, as I am not a religious person. But I recognised the bible as truth distorted through many, many generations, and recognised it as a beautiful thing.
Although I felt calm and very tired, I still stayed awake until about 8pm, unable to sleep because of the visual distortion still plaguing my vision and the thoughts still racing in my mind. I had vague dark thoughts that this wouldn't dissipate, that I would stay this way forever, but I was too tired to entertain them much. I decided that it wouldn't be such a totally bad thing anyway, just a different way of living in this physical world.
I finally fell asleep after laying in the dark for a long time, but woke up every few hours because of noise/bladder. Every time I woke up the distortions were less, but it took until the next evening before I felt properly returned to normal.
Overall, I would say that this was a good trip, despite the bad timing and uncomfortable-ness of my body. I feel as though I was able to delve further into my trip because my body was so empty and exhausted. I saw things that changed me forever, and I gained an ability to remember truth and my abilities in this universe.
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