Citation: jimmyboyhere. "Pandora's Box of the Drug World: An Experience with Modafinil (exp95407)". Erowid.org. May 27, 2021. erowid.org/exp/95407
In college in a difficult scientific major. In my last year or two of school. Have a good home life. Have a history of stimulant abuse and addiction. Want some kind of stimulating chemical that will reduce tiredness, make me feel pretty good, help with school, not interfere with my sleep too much, and not be ‘fiendish’ for me. These are all important as I cannot afford to be an addict right now in my life, or ever for that matter, and I know that I cannot handle amphetamines, as they are so euphoric, stimulating, and cause me to be fiendish. I have rarely been able to control my use of amphetamines, they are just way too damn fun!
I had known about the drug modafinil for a while, but had never tried it, as it is extremely rare in my parts, and never seemed like a good recreational stimulant to have fun with. This is why I eventually came to getting some as I got carried away with stimulants, and drugs in general, and needed to move forward with my life and grow up.
I thought, after reading a fair amount about it on the internet, that it seemed like the perfect fit for my needs. Seems like most people say that it simply makes you not tired, doesn’t cause a whole lot of euphoria to abuse, and best of all, you can pass out while on it! Great! Right?
Well I ordered some from an Indian pharmacy, and it got here in about 2.5 weeks. I couldn’t wait for it. I was so excited to have that extra little boost, only when I chose it, and that it would make my difficult busy schedule a little nicer.
For me, NOT EVEN CLOSE
EXPERIENCE: (Over 5 days)
I had read some experience reports, after I ordered it, in which the users found modafinil to be totally abusable, addictive, and even similar to cocaine. While I did not believe that it was comparable to cocaine or amphetamines, I did believe that it could have some abuse potential. The internet seems to be pretty divided on this. Some get absolutely no recreational value from it, while others report it being very addictive and fun.
It was the latter for me.
I thought I would take the 30 pills over about a month and have a nice productive chuck of the semester done. Boy was I wrong. I received the shipment Monday morning, great timing, and proceeded to take one pill. Had fun in class, started feeling slight stimulation, but not much, so I took one more.
I got a good taste, it was a good stimulant, and I had a bunch, so I took some more.
Before I knew it, I was flyin’ high, too high. I tried insufflating it, which was too easy and convenient, which just escalated things further. Man it felt good.
Better than coke, and very very very similar to amphetamines, in my body at least.
Long story short(er): As the fiend that I am, I ended up going through all 30 pills in less than a week. I missed the whole damn week of school, stayed up for mostly the entire time. Wasting my time, drugs, brain cells, trust, self-respect, and acceptable class time missed.
I know it is ridiculous and sad, but stimulants are some of the most powerful kinds of psychoactive drugs out there, and I have a history of abusing them, so my neural networks for abuse and loss of control of use of dopamine agonists are pretty well established.
Modafinil is a very mild dopamine agonist, which is one of the reasons that it theoretically has very low abuse potential. It was like a full on dopamine agonist to me though. Now I did do a shitload, but I felt like I was on speed, felt like I was on MDMA at points, and even started tripping pretty hard by the fourth night.
Even though I am sad that I wasted many things and lost precious time for the mindless abuse of this drug. It was really, really interesting.
The first day or two was the classic amphetamine, go go go high….keep insufflating until I can barely breathe out of my nose, and virtually no appetite. Then I start to eat the pills again, and chill out from going high and fast for so long, but I am still on a lot of the drug. Surprisingly, it was almost indistinguishable from rolling (MDMA) for a while at some points.
The second to last night I was getting mild psychedelic visuals, which went away with more use/change of focus/getting carried away even more.
The last night however, DAMN. I was seeing shit everywhere. Some of it was that classic methamphetamine hallucination/paranoia I hear about where people see ‘shadow people’ all over the place, which I did. Some of it was reminiscent of classic psychedelic compounds. Non-threatening patterns, movement, shape shifting, breathing (3D distortion).
One intense hallucination I had with both of these elements was while I was smoking a cigarette outside. I saw some sort of glowstick or something going through all colors of the rainbow. I couldn’t figure out what it was, and it was like 2-3 feet above this car. I eventually realized, or at least thought, that it was actually changing colors, since they were so vivid and regular. However, I still couldn’t tell if it was on the antenna of the car, or in a tree on the other side of the street, or why there would be a color changing light there and at 4 in the morning. But the energy of it in the cold dark isolated night made me start freaking out a little bit, like it was a ghost or an alien. So my imaginative, tripping mind stimulated the correct visual neurons to make me see this 7-8 foot tall color changing glowing entity behind that same car, walking slowly towards me, or was it walking away? Oh shit, no its definitely walking towards me, and it definitely is a huge alien ghost!
Needless to say I was freaking out about it. I got inside quick, locked the door, but then was scared of my dark house so I stood there for a few seconds, frozen… then realized how ridiculous I was being, and continued into the house away from the giant alien.
I calmed down and everything, and started kind of attempting to get some rest. While this was much easier than most other stims, you could still barely call it sleep. I would be messing around on my computer, and before I knew it I was waking up about ten minutes later. Kind of nice, kind of scary, but very interesting in contrast to amphetamines, where there is no such thing as sleep.
So I eventually got tired and to the point where I was ready to actually attempt the process of going to bed. It was really relaxing, comfortable, and easy to pass out. But man was it some bad sleep. I woke up abruptly about an hour after passing out and I immediately shot up and ran to the front door to make sure it was locked. I don’t exactly remember, but I was freaking out about something having to do with the huge alien trying to get in. So I ran to the backdoor as well to make sure it was secure.
After that strange experience, I think I actually passed out for about 4-5 hours. Pretty good in this situation, if you ask me, but waking up was equivalent to hell.
I had a seizure in the late morning, waking up to a concerned girlfriend asking me what the fuck was going on. I could barely remember who I was, could not remember one thing in my life before that moment, and couldn’t remember what I had done. I was really out of it from the seizure, which I think I recalled as being really drunk, but my gf let me know that I had not been drinking. My back hurt, I could not stand up, I had no idea what was going on, or how I got there, or even that being able to stand up straight and not fall over was a normal thing. I recall her remarking about my lack of ability to do this, and I simply responded, “am I supposed to be able to do that?”
Wow. It was scary as shit, and I started crying in my gf's arms asking what in the actual hell was going on. She finally suggested that maybe I had had I seizure as I have had some previously in my life. I immediately knew that that was what had happened. So, we got in the car and wen to the ER where I got to feeling better and remembering more and more.
Modafinil is a NO GO for me (or maybe TOO MUCH GO). It was fun/crazy/exciting/depressing/interesting/terrible, and I never want to do it again. In ways it was worse than when I used to binge on amphetamines. Since modafinil is milder, it is more manageable, and therefore was more sustainable as a week long binge.
The journey as a whole was more variable (interesting), less jittery, and ‘better’ than amphetamines, but that has the opposite effect in me, by making me able to do more, for longer, and not seem to be able to stop. While the comedown doesn’t seem as bad as with amphetamines, the whole thing was more wasteful and costly in life than any binge I have ever had with amps.
For me it was one of the best stimulants I’ve tried so far in many ways, which of course, is one of the worst things for me.
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