Citation: idk...anymore. "Beyond Anything: An Experience with Datura & Fluoxetine (exp90996)". Erowid.org. May 3, 2015. erowid.org/exp/90996
I am a very depressed person. About a year ago, I experienced a trauma that changed how I view the world forever, and made me reconsider every choice I have made/will ever make. I was prescribed generic Prozac to combat this situational depression and PTSD, to great success. Maybe a little too good of success- instead of depressed, I became manic. I was sleeping a couple hours a night, full of energy, had tons of lucid dreams from the pills, and I was always talking a mile a minute. My doctor had me take a break from them, to change meds to something that wouldn't make me so insane. In about three days, my mood went right back to intense depression, to where I could not be functional anymore, and was full of suicidal thoughts 24/7.
On friday, (unknown to me at the time), my boyfriend, A, had gone to my girl friend H's house and had sex with her. I discovered the truth on Saturday night, told by one of his friends, B, (and now one of my closest friends) and punched myself in the face until I bled buckets into the sink. On Sunday, I drove over to A's house and dumped him swiftly and without drama, not really explaining why. I left and went to B's house, to talk about it. After a while, he told me that he had tripped before on what he called 'hell's bells', and it sounded intriguing to me. BAD CHOICE. I was in no state of mind to try a hallucinogen. Depression and bad memories were just lurking under the surface of my mind. Not to mention I was taking the Fluoxetine at the same time. Now I already knew the anti-depressant had a very negative effect with alcohol (I threw up all over A on friday before he went to H's house) and intensified it. This is also the case with many other substances, including Datura. B told me he OD-ed on 10 flowers, so I opted for 2, maximum. I have read reports of other things, but none of Datura, and I was very cautious to approach this drug.
At 1pm, B took 2 flowers in 2 liters of water and boiled them for 30 minutes. He then strained the flowers out and poured the 'tea' into a bottle in the fridge to cool down a bit. We let it cool until around 1:35, when he poured about 1/2 cup of the 2 liters of tea into a mug with some sugar. This is a very small amount compared to what B took before, maybe even like 5% of what he had. I consumed it from 1:35 until about 1:45, taking care to sip slowly and watch how I felt. B told me it would take up to an hour to set in, so I was prepared to sit around a while. He was sipping on some alcoholic energy drink at the same time, not getting super drunk, but a but tipsy and responsible enough to be my trip sitter. I had informed my friends where I would be in case anything bad happened.
At around 1:55, B's mom came in to talk to him and introduce herself to me. I was sitting on his bed against the wall, while he was on the other bed facing me. While she was talking, I began to feel the effects of the drug coming onto me very quickly. While she was talking to him, I was thinking that I should run to the bathroom and try to throw some of it up, since it was coming on so quickly. This thought was quickly forgotten in the ensuing chaos. Within another 2 minutes, I told B that my heart was racing 'super fast', and he took my pulse- about 180 bpm. My eyes began to feel very heavy and droop a little. B remarked that they were extremely dilated. I tried changing how I was sitting, but found my limbs to have little coordination at all, like being extremely drunk. I felt a little silly moving around, and smiled at how goofy I must have looked. This was only the beginning.
About ten minutes into the trip, I slid down/fell over into a lying position, just by letting gravity work. I stated to B that 'I can't feel my legs,' and indeed, they were completely numb as if they had fallen asleep. Here is where my memory starts to get a bit fuzzy. I was not feeling good with the loss of control of my body, and felt so heavy that I actually was paralyzed. My arms would not move, and neither would my legs. My whole body felt numb, and I told B this multiple times. It took Herculean effort not to close my eyes and succumb to the illness that took me. B then told me that I was not allowed to fall asleep, because when I awoke, I would feel even worse than before.
He left the room about 15 minutes into it to get something from the kitchen, and came back and asked me what we should do with the rest of the tea (2 liters-1/2 cup). I told him he should 'sell it to the neighbors' and then he said that wasn't a good idea, and I told him that I didn't care. My speech was getting very difficult to pronounce, and it was very common for me to mix words around, like I was a combination of wasted on alcohol and dyslexic. Right then, my phone started getting texts from my mom. I tried picking up the phone, even though my hand wouldn't respond to me. Somehow, I picked it up and looked at the screen. It then occurred to me that my vision was completely gone, and everything was extremely blurry. I had very extreme double vision, to the point where I told B that I had triple vision, even though that is impossible. My phone screen looked like one solid color, even though I knew for a fact that it was a very diversely colored background. I desperately tried to read the texts, but gave up after a minute of frustration. B asked how I was, and I looked at the posters on his walls. I commented that they looked like a foreign language of gibberish to me, and that English made no sense. I then told him that I felt awful, like my body didn't belong to me, like I was very afraid of not being in control of my thoughts, and that I wish this didn't happen.
This was still about only 20 minutes into the trip. B asked me if I wanted to go outside and smoke a cigarette with him, and I told him there was no way I could even move. While he left, I went between blacking out and staring up at the moving ceiling fan. When he came back, I was so relieved not to be alone, that I thought I came back to life. All I could do to acknowledge his presence was to look over and just stare at him, since none of my muscles would obey me. I then noticed my cottonmouth, but could not articulate this to B, who was just kind of watching me in disbelief.
It was then that I started having the first hallucinations. I am not sure if it is because I am depressed, or because Datura creates unpleasant visions, but everything I saw was extremely disconcerting. 25 minutes in, I saw tons of rats on B's floor, scurrying around. This disgusted me greatly, and made me feel even more nauseous than before. The visions ranged from small flies in my peripheral vision, to entire people sitting next to me.
Datura makes one very dehydrated, and B already knew this. I told him I needed to pee. At this time, I had forgotten where I was, who B was, and I needed help just to sit up from a lying down position. B pulled me up, while my muscles were completely slack, to sit up on the bed. This movement made me so sick that I promptly fell back down again, to avoid feeling bad. He was constantly trying to help me up, since I really needed to use the bathroom, but my nausea was overruling my need to pee. Finally after about a minute of moving me around like I was a ragdoll, B managed to get me standing up, completely supported by his weight. I had no idea where the bathroom was, and I kept stumbling and shuffling and falling over on the 10 foot walk.
Once he got me in the bathroom, I realized why I was there. I had actually forgotten on the way over. Normal environments were very strange to me, as if I had never seen them before. I forgot how to go pee properly, so I ended up sitting on the edge of the toilet, moving my skirt aside, and peeing all over the floor. I remember thinking that Datura was a poison, since the pee burned like it was acid. Then I passed out in the bathroom for about twenty minutes, leaving B on the other side of the locked door, trying to get in and help me.
Once I was able to crawl to the door and open it, he took me back to the bed to lay down. B left to get some water for me in the kitchen. At this point, my passage of time was completely out of the window. I felt like I had been sickly lying on the bed for years, and that B had been gone at least for an hour. He gave me the water, which I ended up spilling all over the bed, since I was swaying back and forth while sitting up and leaning against the wall. B was very concerned for me, as it had only been around 40 or so minutes, and I was on another planet, very uncomfortable, and scaring the living daylights out of him. He called my best friend C to come pick me up.
The next thing I remember, C and B were together in B's room. This was another 40 minutes after he called, since the ride to his house was pretty long. I have no memories between when he called, and when she showed up, though. An hour and twenty/thirty minutes into the experience, I did not recognize C or B, even though I have know C for 7 years. My speech was so incoherent that I could not make single words, and I am basing this off of what I have been told, since my memory was so poor that day. C tried to get me to drink the water, and I ended up drinking 2 very large glasses of cold water. The strange part about the water was that I just wanted to fall onto the bed and sleep, so I tried putting the water down on the bedside table. The problem was, though, that there was no bedside table. It was just a hallucination. My depth perception was so awful that when they gave me the cup again, I reached about a foot short of where it really was.
Many of my memories were obscured, since C and B let me sleep in 10 minute increments. They would then wake me up, give me water, talk to me, and let me sleep again. The parts I do remember of being at B's house were very negative, and for good reason. B's tipsy rationale (which happened to be correct, although very negative) was to try to make me as angry as I could be, in hopes that I would show emotion and brief moments of clarity to snap out of the tripping. First, they tried flicking my forehead while I was lying on B's bed. Since I could not move to defend myself, I started yelling at them to stop. Next, C helped me to the bathroom to pee again, but tried to make me mad. I told her I wanted to be alone, but she kept pushing me and forcing her way into the room, against my will. I physically fought my best friend, and called her obscenities, and screamed bloody murder at her, trying to shut the door in her face. While she was in the bathroom with me, I did not recognize myself in the mirror. Finding my way back from the bathroom always proved to be an adventure, since I was constantly confused and very lost. B later told me that I was trying to climb into his bathtub, and he asked me why. I told him 'It's ok, I'm just getting into my car. I have the keys, it's alright B! Stop worrying!' He said, 'That isn't your car...' but I was completely convinced the bathtub was my car, and he had to pick me up and remove me from it, since I wouldn't leave otherwise.
C had brought another friend T with her, but I had no memory of T being there at all. C and T were at B's house for 2 hours, but I only have about 20 minutes of memory for those 2 hours. B told C to take me home or to the hospital, because he was absolutely freaking out that he had hurt me/killed me. C helped me stumble through B's house, while picking me up every time I fell over. By then, I could walk a bit better, and I have brief images of B's house. C helped me down the front steps. On the walk to the car, B kicked a random empty box in the street aside. I screamed out, 'NO! NOT MY EARRING! I CAN'T LOSE IT!' There is where I blacked out again for about another hour. I don't remember getting into the car, the 40 minute car ride, or getting home. C told me that T was sitting in the backseat with me, trying to give me water and talk to me. They became very excited when I apparently spoke an entire sentence, thinking that I was coherent again, only for that sentence to be followed by another half hour of constant mumbling to myself and moaning in agony.
My next memory was about 5 hours into the trip. My older sister, X, was in her car with me (how did I get there?!!?) and we were driving to pick up pizza for dinner, since I was too fucked up that night to go out to the restaurant we had reservations for. X gave me pens and paper to draw on, and talked to me constantly. One of the stranger things I did was smoking the pen like it was a cigarette. The whole ride long, I was unsure if my eyes were closed or open, since I saw things regardless. My hallucinations were again many spiders, and phantom people looking at me. I was very much unlike myself, and told her the truth about my boyfriend cheating on me, I started cussing violently at what had happened, and I really didn't care what she thought of the whole thing.
The next thing I remember was around 8:30 at night, when I was in the kitchen. My mother asked me if I wanted pizza, which I remarked was 'too cheesy' (not an unusual statement, considering I am lactose intolerant). Then my father walked in the front door. He is a very reactive and emotional person, and my sister and mother were super afraid of him seeing me in the crazy state that I was, and FREAKING OUT like usual. X looked at me and said, 'Let's go to your room!' while my mom agreed. X led me there, since I didn't know where to go, and then shut the door and faced me. 'We are playing hide-and-seek from Daddy. Just lay down in your bed and be normal as you can.' I could only nod and get in bed to relax, a testament to the fact that Datura had reduced me to acting like a 3 year old.
At around 9pm, I found myself in my mom's room, laying on top of the covers next to her. At this point, my memory was completely fine, so I remember all of the hallucinations. I looked over onto the floor, and saw a giant spider chasing a bug that was running on the ground. I pointed it out to my mom, who was very confused. Then I had delusions that there were my friends next to me on the bed, talking to me about normal stuff, like prom. I answered them out loud, but turned and realized that only my mom was still there, so I quickly made up the excuse (which I thought was so smart at the time, haha) that I was simply 'thinking out loud.' She said, a bit jokingly, that was a bad sign. I then looked down at what I was wearing. This freaked me out that I was wearing random pajama pants I had never seen before. I looked at the pattern closely (which actually is black and white sketches of Snoopy riding a motorcycle) and thought that it was a red colored Santa bending over and shoving a fire poker up his ass. My thought process must not have been too awful, since I remember thinking, 'Dang, that's a weird pattern for pajama pants.'
I went to my own room around 9:30, very confused indeed. I was unsure where all of my stuff was from the day, including my computer, phone, purse. I wandered into the kitchen to get my computer, and left five minutes later with only a glass of water. I somehow managed to get my laptop into my room eventually, and was convinced that it was my sister's computer, imitating mine. I stood up in my room to look at the stuff on my futon, and realized that my good friend J was lying on the couch, talking to me. I chatted with her a little while, then turned to really look at her, and absolutely freaked out when I realized what I thought J was, turned out to be a sweatshirt folded on the couch. This kind of hallucination, talking out loud to it, and disbelief at it not being real continued through the night. I tried to locate my phone at 10, by looking around my room. This, obviously, was extremely unproductive. I decided to call myself from my mom's phone, and listen for the ringer. When I found it, I was curious to see what texts/calls went down while I was tripping the hardest. (I was still very much so tripping still at this point as well.) Many times through the night, I looked at the clocks and saw just a jumble of light shapes, tangled within each other. Time had no meaning at all to me. I realized that my vision sucked, and I found a random pair of glasses in the kitchen. I put them on, and it barely helped. If I had an eye test right then, I would actually be legally blind. The only way to read what was on my phone was to close one eye, put on the glasses, and hold it about 3 feet away, while trying to guess what the shapes were saying.
My mom came to talk to me in my room later that evening, and try to understand what went on. C had told her what I did when she brought me home, since I couldn't even articulate a single thing. While my mom was in the room, the shadows started changing into frightening shapes, like a shark about to eat me. I looked outside at the silhouette of the hedge and screamed and started sobbing, because I thought it was a man outside my window, just watching me.
At some point in the night, I was unable to distinguish my lucid dreams (a product of the Fluoxetine) from the awake trips that I was having. Both were equally realistic to me. In my dream, I received a present from some girl. I woke up around 11pm, ransacked my room trying to find 'the present.' I pulled clothes out of everywhere, trying to find it. I eventually collapsed, crying, since I was so disappointed that I had lost the present. My dreams were all very depressing, in which nobody would look at me or acknowledge my presence in any way. Even if it were my best friend or mother in the dream, it was if I didn't exist. I would awaken feeling very anxious and scared. Depression was probably a main factor in the mood of my dreams.
I woke up the next morning very confused, as I did not have the whole story as I type it now. Only later did I piece together, from my skewed memory, and others' reports, what actually happened that day. At 7am, I made a commitment to go to school ,even though I was still tripping quite hard. I borrowed some 2.5 prescription glasses from my mom to help me read in the day. To be honest, I barely remember any of school, except for the hallucinations of insects and arachnids that were so fruitful in my peripheral vision.
Today is Tuesday, I took Datura on Sunday. I would say this is the second worst experience I have had my entire life, second to the trauma that caused my depression. B and I thought we were being smart by following all of the guidelines for a safe trip, including making a very weak dose, but the fact is, I was not ready for it. I overdosed on a potentially lethal substance. There is no way to tell what dose is right for you. The interactions with the Fluoxetine intensified my trip beyond anything comprehensible/meaningful. Many people take hallucinogens for a reason, whether it be curiosity, spiritual exercise, or to work out something they have pinpointed. My reason was to escape the present. Datura offered no escape for me. I was literally trapped in my own mind and memories, and my brain had constant flashbacks to the trauma and awful images of A cheating on me. This was a very unhappy trip. I am unsure if others have had very positive experiences with this drug, but as B said, 'It's something you only take once.' I will never do this again, as it has ruined my relationship completely with C and T. Be careful what you do to yourself.
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