Fearing for My Sanity
MDPV
by Tom H.
Citation:   Tom H.. "Fearing for My Sanity: An Experience with MDPV (exp89526)". Erowid.org. Jul 28, 2011. erowid.org/exp/89526

 
DOSE:
  repeated insufflated MDPV (powder / crystals)
    oral Alcohol  
    repeated smoked Cannabis  

BODY WEIGHT: 200 lb


I ordered some MDPV off the internet and it arrived here a little over a week before my terrible trip. I would do a little a few times a day (usually dip a cigarette in it, which just made me focused) and occasionally a little bump.

On a Wednesday my little 'snuff inhaler' came in the mail, and that was the start of my downfall. I filled up the little inhaler and I met some friends who were interested in trying it. Later that night at around 12:30AM two of us did our first hit (the other was asleep) and every 15 minutes or so we would take another hit. My friend had been having drinks for a few hours before I came (he was pretty tipsy) and I had a few with him while we were doing the MDPV. At around 3 his roommate woke up and decided to take a hit (expecting to go back to sleep), his roommate couldnít get back to sleep and eventually we were sitting around in a circle talking about everything our minds going at 1000 thoughts per second and talking about everything. While we were sitting in the circle we kept taking hits (literally passing it around without breaks longer than 10 minutes between hits), because of the way we were rotating and my ďtolerancyĒ (which I discovered was a lot lower than I thought) I was getting 2-3 hits per rotation.

Eventually we stayed up all night and at around 830AM decided to go drive around and smoke some bud. [Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!] Before we left I decided to snort some water so it would be better distributed, but since I had been hitting so much there were large clumps in my nose and the water made it drip into my stomach. Eventually we made it to his car (less than a mile away and it took us almost an hour to walk there) we were seriously fucked up, but each was reacting in our own way. The friend I had started taking the doses with was chill and (since he had to drive) was really focused. The friend who woke up was writing down all these ideas he had in a notebook (32 pages by the time we were done) and was talking to himself. I was stuck in the back seat and began to feel a bit nauseous (which is rare for me, Iíve only thrown up twice while on anything). I threw up in a plastic grocery bag in his back seat, no one noticed and I barely did either. I kept taking little doses every now and then (once I started feeling really nauseous I tried to stop).

We ended up driving around for 450 miles (they missed classes and we were still going) and smoked a few bowls of some great weed (which usually I have to smoke a decent amount but on MDPV I was super sensitive). I started feeling crazy. I couldnít form words (terrible cottonmouth and just unable to speak) and I kept staring at my friend in the rearview mirror (for hours and hours, no matter how hard I tried to I couldnít look away, even if I was trying to look out the window my eyes would just stare at him). Since I couldnít talk I started texting them even though they were sitting in front of me, I told my other friend (who was writing a lot) that I felt like my body was being controlled by someone else and wasnít responding to my mind (itís the only time in my life Iíve actually been out of control of my body, Iíve done dissociatives before but this was different I was actually fighting my body for control and it was winning). We made it back to school mid afternoon and decided to smoke another bowl to relax and hopefully crash.

We picked up a friend before we smoked and then I really felt crazy. I kept staring at my friend driving and my friend we just picked up (Iím a guy and theyíre guys) and no matter how hard I tried to force my eyes to look away they wouldnít (even when I covered my eyes with my hands, my hands would leave a little ďpeek holeĒ open and if I closed it something else would happen that would let me see them). We decided to go grab a bite to eat and I kept staring at guys (Iím not gay, nor ever have thought about being gay but my eyes kept staring at them not checking them out but just staring and would follow them or stare at them out of the corner of my eye). I eventually made it back to my room, but decided since weed usually helps me come down and relax decided to go smoke a bowl (with another group of friends). After smoking weed it felt even worse, I couldnít speak and when I tried to text my friends I was smoking with I would be looking at the keyboard but my eyes (still not under my control) would look at my friends. I began to freak out and kept texting my friend what was happening, and he said to just chill. I couldnít chill and when we left his apartment to ride the bus back to campus I just kept staring and staring at random guys on the bus.

We got off a few stops too early and they wanted to eat something, I didnít want to be around a lot of people so I decided to stay outside and smoke a cigarette (facing a wall with my sweatshirt hood up so my eyes wouldnít stare at people). I made it back to my room and the paranoia set in. I looked out of the peep hole in my door and saw two cops walk by (they usually patrol the dorm I live in every few days) so I texted all of my friends that live in my hall and was freaking out. I was having visual and auditory hallucinations (anything my paranoia thought of became real), I tried to sleep but only got a few hours and the next day still had no control over my body (kept staring at guys) and couldnít tell what was reality and fantasy from the night before, so I began to panic even more (I deleted all my texts from the night before because I thought the cops would look through my phone).

It has been over 72 hours since I last dosed and I still feel crazy and out of control (mainly my eyes, I might be in control but I donít trust myself). Havenít eaten much, slept much, or drunk much water. Iíve wanted to go to the hospital a few times, because I feel crazy and out of control. Iím scared to leave my room, even to go get food. Iíve also been very depressed, and semi-suicidal (I wouldnít kill myself, but life has no meaning). Iím very scared and feel like Iíve gone crazy permanently. I would not recommend this drug to anyone after the experience Iíve had and Iím still living through the repercussions of it. So please, never do this no matter how experience youíve had with other stimulants and other drugs in general. I threw out what was left and have decided to try and stay sober for the rest of my life (I smoked/drank regularly and did other drugs randomly- LSD, DMT, Shrooms, MDMA, DXM, Coke, Opiates, JWHís, and many many more) but since what this has done to me I want to become normal again (back to the way I was and in control) and never do drugs again. If I donít go back to normal soon, Iíve thought about killing myself. Please please please never do this or you could possibly turn out like me and fear for your life and sanity.

[Reported Dose: Repeated 30 times over 24 hours]

Exp Year: 2011ExpID: 89526
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Jul 28, 2011Views: 24,704
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MDPV (377) : Overdose (29), Depression (15), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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