Citation: Static. "A Bit Much: An Experience with MDMA (exp89175)". Erowid.org. Nov 22, 2012. erowid.org/exp/89175
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This report is about my experience with taking an extremely high dose of MDMA. The Cannabis was minor, but still important. And the alcohol was only used on the comedown. I pre-apologize for the length, but I believe it’s all important.
Before I begin I would like to say a little about me and my experience with MDMA.
I was 18 when I first took MDMA and I was/am a college student, and have maintained a 4.0 GPA since. I am also an artist and have a passion for music. I have smoked cannabis and drank alcohol since about my junior year in high school. I met my current girlfriend my first semester in college in a drawing class. The first time I ever took ecstasy was New Years on 2009 – 2010. I dropped two blue hearts and my girlfriend dropped 3 blue hearts at midnight. It was the best new years I had ever had. Before my first experience, I claimed that I would never do ecstasy again afterwards. But after I experienced the extreme empathy, love for others, and myself as well as the extreme entactogenic effects, I concluded that with responsible
use of MDMA, once in a while is relatively safe. The second time was a few weeks later at her house, where we dropped one and a half blue hearts. It was enjoyable, but not as intense as the first.
The trip I wanted to talk about was the third roll I ever experienced. My girlfriend and I decided to go to an Infected Mushroom concert (psychedelic techno/trance) in San Fransisco. In preparation I found a hotel in walking distance from the concert. We bought 7 more blue hearts (they were very good, and popular I suppose), as well as an 8th of decent quality cannabis. We also picked up a 12-pack of Corona because a beer is nice on the comedown. I also had done a plethora of research on MDMA and picked up a bunch of Vitamin C, Vitamin B6, and 5-HTP. We packed up my small car full of blankets, pillows, drugs/alcohol, change of clothes, music players, and a backpack full of E toys (squishy things, essential oils, glow sticks, flashing balls, pacifiers, etc). We stopped at our favorite burrito shop and ate half of our giant burritos, while sorting out some issues we were having (commitment type stuff). We were good to go.
We drove to San Francisco and finally got parking and our hotel room after a bit of stressing and dealing with traffic. We unloaded everything and had a while to wait before the concert, so we just chilled and listened to music. I ordered a huge bed, but instead the hotel gave us two large beds, which still worked fine. We made one bed a fuzzy bed, and the other a rougher/ cooler bed. My girlfriend broke up most of the weed and rolled about 6 joints. We ate the rest of our burritos for fuel and then we walked to the concert.
I had attended the concert a previous year, but sober. What I found this year was that they stepped up their security about five-fold. My girlfriend hid the pills in a small container next to her crotch. However she put the joints in a pack of gum. Security made her throw away the pack of gum and also made me check in my backpack which contained drinks and glow sticks (except a few). Infected Mushroom wasn’t on for a while and we didn’t want to waste our pills on the other DJs (which I'm sure would have been just fine). Considering that security made us throw away our joints, we had nothing to do for about 2 or 3 hours. So we sat and watched the other people rolling on E on the lower level. Sadly security continued to be ridiculously strict, and started pulling all of the Rollers and Smokers off of the floor and kicked them out. Fortunately the majority of the people using drugs still got by.
0:00 – I'm not sure exactly what time we dropped, but it was about 30 minutes before Infected Mushroom. We downed one pill down underneath the eye of security. We had been sitting in the same spot for most of the later half of the night, so we had extremely good seats. The room we were in was pretty hot, so I decided to walk around and hopefully speed up the digestive time.
0:30 – I still wasn’t feeling anything. I had a slight head change, so I knew something was up. My girlfriend (I’ll call her C) was already starting to feel it. It slightly frustrated me, but she was smaller and had a faster metabolism, so it made sense. I got up and walked around again.
0:45ish – Infected Mushroom came on and we popped another pill. Almost immediately afterwards the first one started kicking in. The uncomfortably hot room soon became very comfortable. The familiar rushes began to surge their way around my body. C was feeling it quite a bit now, and I looked at her with complete content and love.
1:00ish – I was feeling quite good at this point. It was then that I started to notice my visuals were more crisp. I could clearly see each and every individual on the lower level. The music was utterly intense and euphoric. It seemingly vibrated and moved through every cell in my body. Then I was confronted with the urge to complete my natural duties. I turned to C and announced that I had to go to the bathroom. I got up quickly and briskly walked to the bathroom, steadily coming up with every few feet. As I went into the main hall there were less people and the cool air felt simply fantastic. I went into the bathroom and saw a security guard washing up at the sink. I quickly went into an empty stall and peed.
1:30ish – after I returned from urinating, I sat back next to C and began to really
enjoy my roll. I would rub on her leg a bit, and then rub on my own legs. I would lean in and tell her I loved her and she would say the same back, sharing the extremely positive and loving feelings. It was a bit ridiculous considering how loud the music was, but we didn’t care, we just yelled. I reached forward and felt the thick twisted wire that lined balcony where we were sitting. It was utterly orgasmic. My girlfriend told me to stop, though, because we remembered how crappy security was being. My favorite songs came on and I had no issue with singing with them as loud as I could. I was one with the music as it vibrated through my body. A slow start to the night led to the best end anyone could ever imagine. (Note: Time becomes very distorted past this point, so the time stamps may not be entirely accurate)
2:00ish: Infected Mushroom ends and me and C get up and head back to coat check very fast. We didn’t care about the encore; we wanted to get back to our room. We stood on the steep staircase to coat check, trying to avoid eye contact with the other satisfied fans. However, a lady in front of us was talking to a man behind us. It was awkward. She then turned to us and asked if he could come in front with her, and of course we let him go. As we got to the top, I looked through the little window and saw that there was just a giant rack of coats. Startled, I announced aloud to C: “Wait! Is this coatcheck!? I gotta go to bag check!!” the lady who asked us earlier if her husband could go in front then said “oh no, I think they do that here too.” I was relieved but at this point she had seen my eyes clearly. After a moment she turned to me, looked at me very intently, and said: “Hey...are you cumming right now?” I thought she meant like coming up to the bag check window or something. Bewildered, I looked at C, who had the same bewildered look that I did. I turned back to the lady who clarified: “No, no, like CUMMING. Are you CUMMING right now?” she completed the statement while gesturing masturbation. My bewilderment simply became more intense. Her husband nudged her and said, “knock it off, haha, just leave ‘em alone.” Little did I know that the lady’s statement would stay with me the rest of the night to the point of obsession. I got my bag and we headed back to the room.
2:15ish – When we left the show it was raining outside. My vision was filled with one of the most beautiful scenes I had ever seen. The yellow city lights, tall buildings, wet pavement, glistening gutters, neon signs, etc. captivated me. The cold rain felt fantastic on my hot and sweaty skin. We walked briskly back to our room, filled to our hair follicles with complete joy. We finally made it inside our room, where we immediately stripped nude. She went to the bathroom and I proceeded to take another pill and a half. After she got out she popped another pill and a half as well. We had ingested a total of 3.5 pills, and it was the most I had ever taken. C then pulled out a joint, which surprised me. “I thought you had to throw the joints away!” “I only took three of them with me to the show” “Oh Shit Fuck You’re Awesome I Love you!” or something like that. We retreated into the bathroom and lit up. We had to be careful because it was a non-smoking hotel.
Everything past this point became a blur; probably the most intense, glorious, and fantastic blur of my entire life. When I am on an extremely high dose of MDMA like I was, I don’t feel pain near as much, or even at all. This can be bad because also on a high dose you clench/grind/suck/smack very hard. And I don't feel it until the next day.
2:45ish - I couldn’t really say when I noticed the 3rd and a half pill hit. After I smoked the weed it “scattered” my mind. If you’ve ever smoked weed and found the drifting in and out of thought then you’ll know what I’m talking about. On E, it does the same thing except my thoughts are far more intense and lightning fast. So those “stoner thoughts” I have drift into my mind, are recognized, and passed on in record speed. There were a few scenes I remember at this point. I was standing next to the bed talking/thinking about the lady who asked if I was cumming. And I seemingly pulled information out of nowhere and I came to the conclusion that cumming and being on E are the same thing; that when you are cumming you are experiencing the same serotonin release that is experienced on E. (Later I found the facts to be a little different.)
A peculiar thing about this point of the night: when I was thinking about these ideas I found that my mind was so scattered and intense that I could not tell the difference between thinking
something and actually saying
it. I realized it as I was standing next to the bed C was on. I would catch myself saying fragments of sentences at record speed: “andsothat’swhatitmeansto-
”(drift). Etc. I realized what I was doing and called myself out on it, and was mystified by it, and then continued to think about that. After trying to explain to C what was happening she kind of just looked at me and was like “What are you talking about? Come lay down with me!” I immediately obliged.
At this point I have no idea which events came in which order, so I’ll just put dashes.
– We were completely “twacked” at this point, for lack of a better word. Occasionally I would lean over and kiss C very intimately. At this point also found something interesting. When I was forced to do something with my mouth, like kiss my girlfriend, the jaw clenching/mouth pursing/sucking/smacking stopped
. And I found that with concentration I could control the clenching but I wasn’t about to concentrate my entire night on not clenching.
– I got an aching desire to play with the E toys and experience the other bed and I announced this to C who joined me in the migration. The new cool/rough bed was incredible. I grabbed the glow-stick globe, which was made of a series of multicolored glow sticks, and had two pieces of plastic string on each end so you could wind it and spin it. It was a glorious sight. When the ball spun, the multicolored glow sticks blended together to reveal a glowing white ball of energy. I played with the ball for what seemed like generations.
– At some point we transferred back to the other bed. I had a small rubbery flashy spiky toy in my hand, and was making small rotating movements. As the ball lit up when I was making circles with it, it would make streaks in my vision, and a long tail of a tracer would stay for moments after the ball had moved. I noticed that I was growing tired of the music, which we were blasting for a while at this point. I got up and attempted to change the music. As I was trying to read the text on my iPhone, I became frustrated. My vision was literally vibrating. Surges of ecstasy would pass through my body and mixed with the weed I would drift out of thought and forget what I was doing. I would simply be standing there feeling incredible for extended periods of time until I realized that I was doing. I finally managed to switch my playlist and plopped back down on the bed next to C.
– I began to notice that I was clenching considerably hard. I announced this to C and she went and grabbed the pacifiers. I put it in my mouth and it was the perfect cure for my ailment. I sucked VERY vigorously for the rest of the night, which would ultimately prove to be detrimental and I will discuss this later.
– In between these events, there was a lot of drifting in and out of consciousness. I would be feeling so incredible that I would seemingly black out and in a sense it was because I was “rolling extremely hard.” Which also led me to discover what is meant by the statement 'you feel so amazing that your eyes literally roll back in your head.' Whether it was stimulation from the MDMA or I was doing it on my own, my eyes were staring at my brain for quite some time that night.
– C and I then agreed to take a shower, because showers are quite nice on comedowns. When we were in the bathroom, though, we could not figure out how to turn the shower faucet on, we could only have the lower spout running. The shower was rather old-school and was quite foreign to us. We sat down and the slowly raising water felt incredible. After a little bit though C announces, “I think I’m burning.” She stands up and her lower half is a bit red. “Holy crap! Yeah, turn it down a bit” I replied. That is one of the downsides I mentioned earlier: it’s harder to feel pain when on MDMA, so it’s easier to get hurt/burnt/etc. I turned off the normal lights and brought in the glow toys. C and me sat and enjoyed each other’s company in the bath. It was at this point where more epiphanies began to occur.
C brought out this foamy bath stuff that kids use in their baths. It’s colored and fun to play with. I brought it out and began to analyze the product; I realized that kids usually would go crazy with this stuff and spray out huge amounts of the foam and cover their bodies in it – for fun. But it was also a cleaning product. So when kids think they’re just having fun with the foam it’s also cleaning them. When the foam hits the water, it eventually dissolves into it and makes the water a cleaning agent as well. I shared these thoughts with C very humorously, while completely coating my body in the foam with a huge smile on my face. It was delightful. I also thought about the stages of life, and how when C and me were in the tub, it was like in early childhood, sucking on pacifiers (or the teat of the mother). And I thought about the idea of “Mother Nature”, and how “Mother is God in the eyes of a child”. I came to the conclusion that when you’re on E, it’s like you’re FEELING God. When you’re very young and you’re sucking on your mother’s teat, it is similar to sucking on a pacifier on Ecstasy. Or like when you’re eating, serotonin is released. Mother nature (God) is nourishing you when you eat or are on MDMA, or so your brain thinks.
– We got out of the shower and returned back to our bed, after replenishing with some vitamin C and sips of Gatorade. I could sense a comedown already, even when we were in the bath; which was also an interesting discovery. The first time I did MDMA I took two pills at once. When they wore off the comedown was brutal. I went from very happy to feeling like a close relative had just died. It was like a drop-off; a very harsh drop-off. But this time, because we staggered the pills, the comedown was gradual, much like a plane when it lands. The come-up was gradual, and the come down was gradual, it was perfect.
– We had come down quite a bit, but we were still feeling considerably good, because the last pill and a half were still working their magic. This was when we began to drink some beer. It really eases the shitty feelings that you get when you comedown. And it makes sense – look at anyone that drinks out their sorrows, it’s the same thing. But I try to be very careful when drinking alcohol to ease a comedown, because the next day the hangover is ridiculously amplified from the comedown. Anyways, around this point, somebody knocked on our door. It was startling. I realized that it was past 3AM and we were still blasting music in a small hotel. I quickly got up and turned down the music to a low level and put on some Radiohead and kicked back. We never answered the door though. I began to get cold so I threw my robe on me, and fell asleep next to C. A couple hours later C woke me up and requested that we switch beds to sleep more. We were simply laying on top of the bed, in our robes. I turned out out the lights, switched beds, and fell back asleep.
The first thing I did when I woke up was give me and C a 5-HTP and vitamin B6. I believe I actually took two 5-HTPs. Which just about saved me. We had to leave and get back to my house fairly early. Surprisingly I didn’t feeling entirely horrible at first. I was just very scattered, mentally, and I found it difficult to motivate myself to clean stuff. Eventually, however, we gathered all of our stuff and got it ready to go. We did a final check and left our room with our stuff. We had to make two trips to the parking garage but I’m kind of glad for it. Right about when I first left the hotel room, as I was shutting the door, I felt the comedown really hit me. I felt like dying. Anxiety and severe depression crept in, mixed with whatever residual effects of alcohol. Thankfully the 5-HTP began to work it’s magic as I started walking around and breathing in the cool, fresh, outside air. We loaded up the car and checked out. I felt pretty decent again as we were walking to the check out/in office. So here is a good tip for comedowns: take the supplements, and go for a walk, as shitty as it feels. It will help flush out some of the toxins. We checked out and drove home. The drive back was pretty decent. I didn’t feel too horrible and the traffic wasn’t too bad.
We finally got home and tried to eat and we managed. That night for dinner we made a pretty elaborate, delicious meal, which really helped. However, as amazing as the experience was there was a plethora of negative effects. As I mentioned earlier, sucking on a pacifier was heavenly when rolling extremely hard, however, because my oral nerves (trigeminal nerve) was so horrifically stimulated I was sucking ridiculously hard. I sucked on the pacifier so vigorously and for so long that I actually sucked blood
through my tongue. Sense of taste was extremely altered and for a few days I had an extremely disgusting taste in my mouth. As I looked in the mirror. I would see red streaks on my tongue from sucking so hard. I literally tasted blood for half of a week.
Another downside was the psychological effects. The drive home was decent, my brain was simply just fried and stupefied and I didn’t have normal cognitive function. I found my thoughts to be much slower, and I felt very tired. The tiredness was probably the most intense sensation. What happened that night was probably the biggest eye-opener for me. I felt relatively normal with some minor residual comedown effects. But C and I decided to finish smoking a joint. However, I did not get high when I smoked, I got sideways. All of the negative effects of smoking weed were amplified (racing heart rate, cotton mouth, anxiety, etc) while the positive effects were essentially nonexistent. Then what unfolded was a self-induced panic attack. I had a horrible fear that I had permanently damaged my tongue, so that I would taste blood for the rest of my life. I also had a horrific fear that I would never be able to feel happiness again. A very peculiar thing about smoking, though, was that I was reacting similar to how I was when I was on E and C noticed it. I would roll my eyes, move my hands and feet, and would smack my mouth. Even though I did not feel any Ecstasy. It was uncomfortable.
About half a week after this I had the first seizure of my life. I was drinking beer and smoking weed. I would drink, then smoke, then drink, then smoke, spaced out throughout the night. Me and C went to the bathroom to brush our teeth. One of damaged spots in my mouth from doing E had developed into a Canker sore. The toothpaste I was using, I guess reacted with it oddly and caused it to hurt unusually much. I began to get irritated with C and sat down. I then got a wave of anxiety and nausea, and told C. Soon after I announced that I was going to pass out (or I attempted to), I blacked out. Luckily I was sitting and simply slouched forward. C did not know I was passed out and leaned me back, upon doing so my body began to shake. She quickly grabbed water and splashed me, and then put me on the ground. I came to, and all of my senses came flooding back at once. I responded with a groan and a “WUTHAFUCK JUST HAPPENED?!” I never went to the hospital for any of this. It was simply an eye-opener that I needed to cut back on everything.
I apologize for the length, but I felt responsible for giving all of the details. Before doing MDMA I was an atheist because I despised what religion did to people. After doing MDMA I became a far more spiritual person and it kick-started my spiritual journey. Since doing MDMA, I have been yearning to find God/Mother Nature/Ecstasy/Pure Love in my day to day life. I did MDMA two times after this but only took two pills, and did so very responsibly. It’s been almost a year since this particular experience, and maybe six months since I have done MDMA. I will do it again in the future but never as much as I did on this experience. My anxiety increased substantially for a week or so afterwards and my mental ability was stunted for a couple months. During those months I had a horrible fear that I had permanently damaged my brain and will never be as intelligent as I was before I did it. Occasionally I still feel that way.
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