Citation: Quantagy. "The Eternal Dance of Beautiful Nothingness: An Experience with DMT & Cannabis (exp86665)". Erowid.org. Sep 14, 2010. erowid.org/exp/86665
||(powder / crystals)
Let me preface this account by saying I have had many previous experiences with psychedelics, which I believe properly prepared me for my first DMT trip.
This experience occurred this past weekend at the Gathering of the Vibes music festival in Bridgeport, CT. My friend and I were fortunate enough to find a dealer in the campsite who not only had some very kind dope, but also DMT. We purchased a ½ gram. Over the course of the last few months I’d been avidly reading about DMT experiences, and was very curious and excited to try it for myself. My plan was to trip on mushrooms that evening and try the DMT early the following day. That night, while shrooming, I made a conscious effort to continuously direct strong, positive thoughts towards myself and my place in the universe. I was hoping to cultivate a strong, positive experience with the DMT the next day, as I had read of people having very difficult experiences with the drug.
The next day my friend and I found a spot on the beach, directly across from the “Green Vibes” stage where one musical act was ending and other beginning to tune up. I sat back in a lawn chair, facing Long Island Sound, and proceeded to prepare my pipe. I was somewhat concerned because I’d read many people’s accounts of the proper way to smoke DMT (water pipes, vaporizers, butane lighters, etc) and I had none of those things. Only a very small glass piece and a run of the mill lighter. Still, I could not help but be aware at this point of a strong sense of purpose around what I was about to attempt. It was palpable, this feeling that I was supposed to be right here right now. Using the tip of a pen cap, I measured (very approximately) 10-15 milligrams of the brownish-yellow power onto the weed in my piece. Then I covered it with another small bud.
Since I had no idea what to expect, I gave my friend simple instructions:
1.Take the piece from me when I finish
2.If I appear to be in any kind of distress, say nothing. Just hold my hand.
The wind coming off the water was strong, and so I pulled a towel over my head and lit up. I lit the bowl slowly, drawing a deep breath and holding the smoke in my lungs for about 20-30 seconds. Upon exhalation, I tasted pot and nothing else. I waited about two minutes, and while I was definitely stoned I knew I hadn’t gotten a good enough hit of the DMT. I asked my friend to sprinkle in some more, and thankfully he instead suggested I try one more hit first. I hit it again, and this time I instantly became aware of a sharp, acrid flavor filling my lungs and nostrils. Believing I’d hit gold, I took in as much smoke as possible and held it for a full thirty seconds before exhaling. I slumped back in my lawn chair and took note of the clear, cloud tickled sky.
About 5 seconds after laying back I became aware of a kind of “film” drawing down over my vision. I recall thinking at that time: It looks like several large parameciums have landed on my eyeballs. They undulated and slid with ease, slippery living pools of near-invisible protoplasm, speckled and busy indeed.
I watched the clouds and sky from behind this odd, primordial curtain, and then became aware of a warm numbness cascading down my cheeks and throat. My heart was beating rapidly, and I knew I was on my way. There was no fear at this time, yet there was the idea of fear. Fear floated over to the right side of my consciousness, and I sensed its selfish desire to assert itself. Instead I turned my attention away and to the sounds of the band still tuning up on stage. I knew that once some music began the fear would not have the resources to stick around me, and I would be on my way towards something wonderful.
The band seemed to take forever to launch into a song. I was aware that the noise of the front man going on and on about “how good it is to be here on this beautiful Friday, etc. etc.” had taken on a deep, vibrating quality. It was as if the sound was being picked up and amplified not in my ear drums, but in the very center of my body, and traveling outward from within. My heart beat faster, and the thought that this band may never play a song allowed the fear to draw in closer and begin to take hold.
It was at this time that the music finally exploded out into the air, and I experienced BLASTOFF. The numbness that had begun on my face quickly cascaded down the rest of me, and I was separated entirely from my physical form. I closed my eyes, but the sky with its glorious clouds remained, but then began to shift and split as a series of brightly colored spiral fractals spun down from beyond the sky. The lines of this fractal were thin, and clearly something small within them, too tiny to see, was moving. The cloud/sky space between the fractal lines suddenly darkened and began to pulse with a sickly purple, bruised color. I understood that this was the FEAR that was still traveling right along with me. The only part of my body that remained was my heart, which I became sure would soon explode.
Then there was a voice. I use the word “voice” in the loosest sense, for what I really experienced was the “knowing” of another given to me. I heard it audibly, but felt it just as clearly and simultaneously saw the message as it unfurled on a bright white banner that drew itself across the sick, purple-fear expanse, its edges attaching each one of the pretty fractal spirals. Written on the banner, clear as day, was the message:
YOU HAVE TAKEN A POWERFUL PSYCHEDELIC.
This message, experienced visually, audibly, and within my consciousness, was undoubtedly female. There was no tone to lend it a friendly or unfriendly disposition; it was simply supplying me with information.
I continued to soar forward. Another banner/voice/feeling delivered by this female voice shot across my conscious. It said:
WE WANT TO SEE YOU, BUT YOU HAVE TO SLOW DOWN YOUR BREATHING FIRST. TAKE DEEP BREATHS.
Upon receiving this advice, I was aware of a new presence of mind within me. While I was primarily in a state of heightened wonder and no small degree of panic, what rose up within me was a kind of no-nonsense, cold rationality that initiated within me a deep, rhythmic breathing exercise I’d practiced often in meditation. As I breathed, the pulsing sick purple fear masses began to dissipate, while the spiral lines grew thicker and expanded outward. I picked up speed, and was very, very faintly aware that far below where my body sat, a strong ocean wind was blowing against my face.
Suddenly I became aware of shapes that were attempting to break through the multicolored surface of the fractal spirals. There was a pushing upward, until finally out popped a small, perfectly spherical and bright green head. It spun and smiled wide at me, its eyes two mere slits of hilarity, before fully popping out of the surface and beginning to dance along with the music. Then I spotted another, then another. Soon the spiral fractal completed its formation of an endless tunnel, made up completely of these green, dancing men. I was familiar with the accounts of machine elves. These looked more like the Doozers from Fraggle Rock, which some of you might remember. They danced in unison, and began to speak to me.
“Hooray! You made it!”
“We’re so glad you’re here!”
“We’ve been waiting for you to find us again!”
I simply marveled at this, and was distantly aware that back on earth my body was laughing. Every so often a sickly purple head would pop out of the fractal, and suddenly there would be an angry little man, with a frown made of pure electricity. He would stare at me and say something profoundly distressing, like:
“Now you’re dying!”
“You’re going insane forever!”
“Your best friend hates you!”
However, before any real fear could gather itself, one or more of the happy green men would surround the purple guy, and kick and/or karate chop him off the fractal and into a dark center that was slowly revealing itself at the center of everything. As they did this they would say things like:
“Don’t listen to him, he’s just confused.”
“He’ll come back understanding better the next time.”
“You’re doing great! Hooray!'
Suddenly I became aware of a tremendous insight into what I was experiencing. This insight was presented to me, again, through several medium at once: I was being told it by the green men, I was seeing the truth of it in the pattern materialized before me, as though the mere existence of this image ensured it was true, as well as being struck by a strong familiarity from the experience as a whole. The insight was this:
This was the force of the universe, of creation, of everything. It is continuously moving, working itself into higher and higher consciousness. The images before me were just that, images, created by my mind to give form to what is essentially formless. The green men illustrated this last point by suddenly looking at me and saying: “We can be whatever you want. We can be chipmunks!” and they became chipmunks. “We can be fire hydrants!” and they all became fire hydrants. “It doesn’t matter, Hooray!!!” and then returned to little green men.
I understood that this dancing, this moving, was really them working towards the higher consciousness; and that back on earth this gleeful dancing manifested in the acts of kindness, love and generosity of people towards each other. I understood that our physical reality (including the notions of time and space) was merely a reflection caused by the vibrating energy of this process, and was not “real” in any sense of the word. The true nature of everything was vibration, and it emanated and danced around a singular point of nothingness. This nothingness, I came to understand, was all there ever was or ever will be. However, the notion of “nothing” naturally implies the idea of “something”—and that is what we are. The implication of possibility generated by the truth of utter nothingness.
As if to demonstrate this point, I was shown snapshots of events from throughout my life, from infant years to events from that very day. The picture of the event (say, for example, the birth of my daughter, or me falling off the slide in 3rd grade) would fill my field of vision. Then it would freeze, like a snapshot, and grown smaller and smaller until the spiral fractal tunnel returned and the snapshot was being held in the hands by one of the green men, who would then toss it back into the nothingness.
“See? It’s just a picture! Hooray!”
“This is all that’s real!”
The concepts of “us” and “me” and the very concept of separation as a whole suddenly manifested itself as a giant billboard, and that too was snap-shotted and tossed away into the nothing.
“This is all it is! Everything is one! You are it! Everyone is!”
“THIS IS IT!!!”
This insight was celebrated by a massive “Hooray!!!!” by the green men. Then went on to say things like:
“It’s so simple!”
“Yeah! You see it now!”
“Were so glad you see it!”
“It’s you! It’s everything!
Then they all simultaneously donned black graduation caps and gowns, removed a certificate of graduation from behind them, stamped it, signed and held it up to me while giving me a big “thumbs up”.
“Okay, back to work! Let’s go! Hooray!!!”
The spiral tunnel gradually began to slow and grow thinner. From behind this vision I began to make out the frail outlines of clouds and sky. The music continued to jam on, and my fingers began to tap the arms of the lawn chair. I was returning to my body. With my eyes now open, I could still see the little green men who continued to dance in circles behind the sky. Faintly they cried:
“Come back again soon!”
“We’re always here!”
“We’d love you see you!”
“Good job today! Hooray!”
I sat up and looked at my friend, who promptly said:
“15 minutes! You were there for 15 minutes.”
The very notion of time was still absurd to me, as I still felt primarily within the reality of the spiral truth, as opposed to the physical realm. This euphoric feeling of belonging and beauty remained with me throughout the weekend, though the exact nature and profound sense of truth and familiarity of the experience has begun to fade away. I have, however, continued to have faint closed eye visuals as late as last night (2 days later). This account is the best I could surmise and approximate the experience.
I can’t wait to go back there again, and see some more!
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