Citation: The philosopher. "Saved My Life: An Experience with Cannabis (exp86596)". Erowid.org. Feb 8, 2017. erowid.org/exp/86596
I smoked weed for the first time in eighth. I didn’t do it properly so not a whole lot happened. Then I met Frank, Frank was a drug dealer and also a very good friend. Frank really introduced me to weed. But I don’t feel I appreciated it in the way I do now. I saw it as a way to socialize and forget my issues. I was around the age of 14 during all of this.
But first a little bit about my emotional background. At age 15 I was diagnosed with anorexia, at the time I was very close to dying. I had physical heart issues, I would have been admitted to the hospital if I hadn’t known my doctor so well. My body was eating itself to put it simply. I had been developing this anorexia for over 3 years, just recently it had developed into a serious condition. Anorexia is a notoriously hard disease to beat. For my anorexia I was prescribed a anti-anxiety. At 14 I was diagnosed with severe depression and prescribed Zoloft, an anti depressant. I felt like both the anti-anxiety medicine and the Zoloft worked fairly well. They brought me to a level where I could function once again though for the last 4 years I have been a devout atheist, pessimist and overall mean spirited individual.
I recently started smoking weed again (I'm 17 now), right about the start of summer. At first it was mild usage, with minor effects on my daily life. Then it slowly started to increase and I found that I wasn’t so worried about being fat. “What a strange feeling” I thought. So I continued with this semi-scientific experiment.
Jump forward 3 weeks and here we are: My anorexia is completely gone. My anxiety is completely gone. I feel born anew. I feel one with the universe. Let me repeat that for you. My anorexia and Anxiety are completely gone. I got rid of these demons. As for my pessimistic tendencies, I used to have a negative outlook on life, that everyone was out for only themselves. And they still are its just now I see the little things people do for each other. I feel happy.
I spent my time with marijuana working on art. I'm very ecstatic about life and the most minute things. I'm able to better understand my place in the world and my place within my self. I don’t feel that I alone exist in this body. I feel as if there is a primordial me, an “id” (as in id vs. Super ego), that takes over when I'm painting. I can fight it, and I do. Just sometimes I let it go and then I take back over. I can relate it to a partnership or a tag team of two artists. This trance-like state is best achieved listening to “Shpongle” or similar “psytrance” music. That works for me. I find this method of meditation is the most productive for me and it also allows me to find out more about myself.
And its not just when I'm high! In my day to day life, I smile all the time. I never used to smile. The only one you’d get out of me is a smirk. Now you’d be hard-pressed to find me not smiling. I help people on the Bart, blind people find the stairs. I want to live. How strange is that. For me, life looked bleak, at least mentally. I considered suicide a few times. So now this is a amazing turnaround for me.
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