Citation: Quetzalcoatl. "My Living Room Turned Into a Hell Furnace: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp86503)". Erowid.org. May 26, 2019. erowid.org/exp/86503
Traumatic Experience (Have a Sitter Present!)
Purchased 8 HBWR seeds inorder to try a form of therapeutic session with a serotonergic psychedelic (I have personal issues for which I wanted a new perspective).
Previous psychedelic experience: Salvia divinorum (mostly positive experiences)
Setting: home, late evening.
10.45 PM ingesting 4 seeds by thoroughly chewing with water and keeping it in my mouth for a minute, then swallowing.
11.15 no overt effects, feeling slightly different though, like there's something amiss but I can't formulate it in words
11.30 all of a sudden I feel like I have the mind of a small child, cramping of legs, nausea but I feel I can avoid this by concentrating on other things
11.45 the previous feeling abates, effects intensify, some deeply sexual material comes up, I decide to ingest 2 more seeds in order to have a more profound effects.
12.00 I'm having very intense bodily sensations, pupils extremely dilated, I decide what the heck and take 2 more
00.15 AM I genuinely feel like I'm experiencing full blown psychosis, I get worried and write myself a paper note that I have ingested LSA and the effects will eventually cease in case I might forget this (this proves later to be very USEFUL!)
00.30 I have some good and bad moments. I feel as though all inhibitions of my personality have been removed and I'm experiencing a form of true freedom. However in the background I get slight paranoia that I'm doing something wicked.
00.45 Effects deepen. I'm feeling that there is no difference between the universe and myself, the whole universe is god and I'm god...for some reason this realization makes me lonely and I'm starting to get slightly depressed.
1.00 Closed eye visuals (geometric shapes) start to emerge now with more power, I decide to retreat to bed and observe these more thoroughly.
1.30-3.00 The feelings of being everything intensify but all of a sudden the trip takes a turn for the worse. I seem to think that I am stuck in a neverending carrousel of tripping. This is accompanied by visual experience of being aware of everything at once (difficult to describe). I feel like a failure and that I'm a bad person and because of this I'm experiencing this. The feelings of entrapment intensify and I start to panic. I feel very depressed, thoughts of suicide run through my head which drive me into more panic (I have actually no desire to die). I feel that I'm arriving to a dark part of the universe...into hell. When I open my eyes I see that my living room has turned into a hell furnace and a devil-like head is laughing at me. After this everything becomes blurry. I seem to remember that I felt as though I was having a seizure at one point (which I think I actually didn't have but my head just felt on fire). I constantly look at the paper note I wrote in order to confirm to myself that this will eventually stop (this is very helpful in calming me a bit).
4.00 The mental torture seems to slowly lose potency. Although the rest of the trip continues to be very unpleasant.
5.00 I feel as though I have survived and there's still hope that things will be allright.
6.00 The trip has ended. I feel suddenly very peaceful and realize that everything I experienced was a manifestation of my troubled psyche.
6-9.00 Sleeping with previous nightmares, I'm afraid I might have a PTSD after this (although that doesn't really happen, 2 days have passed and I'm OK).
The next day I deeply analyze the experience and even though the whole thing was eventually a mental rape, I see it all as a painful lesson from which I have learned useful things about myself (e.g. I tend to be selfish and felt how terrible such a state is) and details I will not go into here now.
All in all I learned that I want to have a sitter present when experimenting with such long duration psychedelics as the possibility of forgetting I have taken a drug and that the experience will eventually end is very much a real possibility. Fortunately I do not consider the experience a complete failure but I would not try this again without somebody being present.
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