Good Girl On...
Citation: Anonymous. "Good Girl On...: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp85690)". Erowid.org. Oct 4, 2016. erowid.org/exp/85690
Good Girl on Amphetamine
Let me start off my saying that I never thought I would be one to try Amphetamine or any other drug recreationally. Growing up I watched many family members suffer from health issues and because of this I take health seriously. I exercise a few days a week and try and eat right. Iíve tried weed twice and wasnít too impressed with it. I have never smoked a cigarette. I drink only occasionally, and when I do it's never more than two or three. I even take daily vitamins. You could say I'm a 'good girl' of sorts.
While Iím not much into the drug scene I love to go to parties and meet new people at my college. Many of my friends do drugs, in fact the majority do. Thanks to them and their openness with me I am far, far from naive when it comes to the drug scene. The second most popular in school, behind weed, has to be Adderall. In fact, itís hard for me to find one student who hasnít taken it at least once to cram for an exam. One day a good friend offered me some of her's for a final exam coming up for (ironically) Neuroscience because I was having a rough time focusing...
I always wondered if it was wrong to take a drug if you were using it to better yourself and your grades. I mean, you have your future in mind! Is it still morally wrong to take it then? And it wasnít like I was getting it off the streets; it was prescribed to my friend (and thousands of other people!) by a doctor and was filled by the pharmacy.
I told my friend Iíd take one. She gave me one 30mg XR capsule. Let me point out that Iím a pretty petite girl who had never taken anything remotely close to it before. I was kind of hoping for a 15mg tablet (what most of the girls I know take) that I could take half of. By this time it was in the late afternoon and I knew enough about Adderall to know that if I took it then I wouldnít sleep that night, and thus ruin my exam more then help it. I'd have to study without it and take the exam with it instead.
The next morning I took the capsule as soon as I got up and had some food in my stomach. About an hour later I was on my way to class when realized I felt very energetic and alert. I felt happy. It was perfect, just what I expected. I got to class and started the exam. I felt confident about each answer I bubbled. I breezed through the exam. It was almost enjoyable. I ended up making an 88.
Walking back to my apartment I suddenly became lightheaded. I knew it was a bad idea! I imagined me passing out right there, death by a common ADD medication. I realized I was obviously overreacting. I got home and drank a few glasses of water. I quickly started to feel better. When my roommate came home I suddenly felt very happy again, my recent panic mere minutes before was now years away. I noticed I was talking to her A LOT. Never had I had such a great time talking to someone. I could hold the conversation like no oneís business. I invited more people over to take advantage of it. It was 3 oíclock in the afternoon on a Tuesday and suddenly I was the life of the party. I felt confident. I loved myself and I loved everyone else. Throughout the day I was completely aware of everything; my environment, everyone's reactions, my emotions. I really enjoyed the clarity.
At the same time I didnít feel like myself. I felt so full of life it scared me. I was afraid that there was no way natural way to get the same feeling. It was disappointing to think of. I realized I felt equally euphoric and fake
I realized I felt equally euphoric and fake
, if you can imagine such a thing. The confliction was overwhelming.
Later that night I cleaned my house better than I ever thought possible. The pill showed no signs of wearing off. I didnít really care. I finally felt relaxed, yet I was still focused on whatever I was doing at the moment. I had a strong hunch that I would have had a smoother experience with a 15mg immediate release. Oh well. Around 11:00 I suddenly realized I was tired for the first time. I layed down and had no problem getting to sleep. The next day was like any other.
Itís been six months now and I havenít had the slightest urge to take another. I know that taking a drug not prescribed for you is wrong. I know Adderall is not something to play around with, for any reason. In spite of all that (and I'm not proud to say it) if I found myself in that situation again, be it a difficult exam or something similar, I would consider taking another.
I just wish I knew if my time on Adderall enhanced who I already am...or if it created someone different.
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