Citation: Slush. "Too Much for a First Time: An Experience with DMT (exp85257)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2017. erowid.org/exp/85257
Was a little nervous, but very excited about trying DMT for my first time, having previously tripped on shrooms (liberty caps), truffles, LSD and LSA. Had mentally enjoyed all of them bar my sole experience on truffles which was a bit miserable, I had coped with that well though, I thought. My friend Dan, who I had known for about a month, wanted to make sure I really felt the DMT so he tipped 100mg in a pipe to share between us. I didn't know at the time how huge this dose ('50mg'... possibly up to around 80mg) was and just trusted him; mistake!
We were in his bedroom both sitting up on his double bed with low-ish lights and no music. I took the first hit and passed it back to him, he took a hit and passed it back. Still not feeling anything, I made my second rip a huge one and felt it straight away. My last sober-ish thought as I passed it back was ďoh dear, the DMT is on fireĒ as it was still burning. That thought and passing the pipe back was already happening very slowly.
Well I took too big a rip and had to cough as I exhaled, trying to keep coughing and exhaling in steady motions though because I didnít want to start hardcore coughing up a lung. My coughs felt like metallic, robotic waves.
My coughs felt like metallic, robotic waves.
I feel like the coughing and resulting tightness in my chest led to me feeling uncomfortable physically and played a big part in my bad experience, although of course thereís no way of telling.
Well I lay back and immediately the room disappears. Everything is replaced with a very dark grey kind of starry scene, like a fuzzy channel on a TV kind of. Itís hard to remember the order of things but I remember saying ďOh JesusĒ. Iím not a Christian, Iím agnostic, but things were already getting very intense and I guess that was my way of coping. Dan, who only felt very mild effects (either because I burned a lot of it or smoked a whole ton with my second hit), says that I said ďOh GodĒ about six or seven times after that. I remember that. At this point I still remember where I am I guess, and that Dan is there, and I was wanting him to kind of help me I guess, but not knowing him well enough to ask or knowing what he could even do. At least for the first couple of ĎOh Godís, anyway.
The accompanying feeling was one of intensity, to put it mildly. I was in the dark grey starry place, which kind of felt like space, and things were rushing past me I guess, and just sort of happening to me all at once. My skull felt like it was being crushed by everything I was experiencing. I was still saying ĎOh Godí at this point I guess. I remember thinking from what I had read that it would all be over in a hour, and the thought of Ď20 minutesí crept in relating to the bulk of the experience, but I couldnít be sure what that meant or if it was true. Ď20 minutesí was also too complicated to process so I disregarded it. The thought of it being Ďonly an hourí didnít comfort me, because I had no idea what an hour was anymore. It didnít really exist where I was.
Iím not really sure what happened next. Dan says I went quiet. I certainly wasnít aware of being in Danís room with Dan anymore. Discussing the story with my friend Henry, he proposed I may have experienced ego-death. This may be true. I can't remember most of what happened.
Eventually the starry darkness which was my world started to fade. The last thing I saw was the image of space, or whatever, with a dark figure slightly left of the centre of my vision. I knew the man, or man-type-thing, wasnít good, but it wasnít bothering me or talking to me, and I was leaving it. I realized I was now sitting up and looking straight ahead to the end of the room, into the en-suite bathroom. I was also rubbing my face and sweating a lot. At this point I could see both the bathroom and the starry scene simultaneously. I was still feeling intensely... anxious isnít quite the word, but close enough. Seeing the bathroom had brought me home to some extent, but I was still completely unaware of Danís presence or anything but what I had just experienced and was still sort of experiencing. I also came to some detached realisation that the dark figure I saw had been the devil. Looking back on it though, I donít think this is entirely appropriate. The figure was bad, but it wasnít completely radiating evil. Perhaps it had been in those moments I canít remember, though.
At this point Dan got up and I watched him leave the bed to put some music on his laptop. This was like a revelation for me: that I am a person in this room, Dan is also a person who is here with me, he can move so I can move; I can leave this place! I pretty much sobered up kind of instantly then, it really brought me back to earth. The worst of the bad feeling (the Ďfearí) went away here after I realized I was no longer trapped.
I think my first words were something like ďthat was the worst experience of my lifeĒ which was honestly close to the truth. Dan was really shocked and apologetic. He had thought I was really enjoying myself. I guess ĎOh Godí is an ambiguous turn of phrase. I followed this up with ďI donít think Iím ever going to take acid againĒ, which didnít pain me to say at the time because as much as I was completely in love with LSD at this point, I felt mentally broken after this experience.
I felt mentally broken after this experience.
Slowly I told Dan what had happened, although the memory of the bulk of the entire trip had already completely faded. What I am describing here are just the snippets I can remember. I slowly calmed down, but I felt very detached from Dan and told him I felt as though ďI didnít know him at allĒ. I wasnít upset with him about the dose or anything, that was literally just how I felt at that time.
Dan told me the whole experience had been about two or three minutes long. I couldnít believe it, especially as I now felt pretty much sober and my vision didnít seem impaired at all. I didnít notice any real after effects apart from the feeling of detachment. Already I couldnít get in touch with the intense feelings of (not-quite-the-words-but-almost) fear and panic I had just had. I was out of it, it had happened, I couldnít change that. I was upset with myself; I had not risen to meet the challenge that was DMT. I had always been able to handle anything hallucinogens threw at me before; I felt weak. I thought of my friend and to some extent, mentor, Henry and felt like I had let him and myself down. This is what I had always told him I wanted, but I hadnít stepped up. Well, I resolved, I would try again and next time take less, and not let it get the better of me. I wanted to master this drug; I would not give up.
When I later found out how much I had smoked I was relieved as I had an explanation for the intensity of the experience. About 10-20 minutes after the DMT (perhaps, time was probably still funky for me) I got up and smoked the last of my weed, a pretty small amount, in a bong to really make it hit home. It really helped. Soon I felt a lot lot better, the anxiety had completely dissipated, and I was able to play COD, although I was worse than usual. My awful playing was as funny as hell though. I was over the experience.
I still havenít tried DMT again, although I will soon as a friend has some. I will just be sure to take less and try hard not to choke! I feel the experience was very necessary to give me a hint of what +3 and +4 could be like. Up til now I was confident I could handle an intense trip on shrooms or LSD because it was something I was actively seeking. Without my bad DMT trip, I may have ended up pushing myself very far with one of those drugs when I wouldnít have been prepared. Things could have ended up very bad, and not for two minutes but for eternities. Maybe I am still not fully prepared now, but I feel I have a better understanding of what to expect.
In closing, measure your doses carefully, and read up on what to expect for each level of dose. Peace!
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