Citation: Broken. "Horrific (Dissolving Into Shit): An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT, Cannabis & Alcohol (exp85152)". Erowid.org. Jan 19, 2016. erowid.org/exp/85152
Two samples of powder (even of the same chemical) with equivalent volumes won't necessarily weigh the same. For this reason, eyeballing is an inaccurate and potentially dangerous method of measuring, particularly for substances that are active in very small amounts.
See this article on The Importance of Measured Doses.]
Reading other 'bad trip' reports after my experience, I found consistencies with what happened to me. I had tried psychedelics 25-30 times before this, with nearly all positive experiences.
First trip: pleasant colourful kaleidoscopic visuals
Second trip (about four times the first amount, but I stupidly didn't actually measure it...mistake):
Complete destruction of ego and loss of thought control. Within seconds I was overwhelmed by panic and anxiety. Negative thoughts raced through my head at accelerating pace, but they weren't really 'my thoughts'. I had no conscious ability to analyse them.
My vision became a scramble of images and a bizarre and terrifying noise, which I simply cannot describe, filled my ears. The trip report 'singularity' seemed to capture it somewhat: the visual scramble seemed to condense to a single point of horror, overwhelming anxiety and dread. I seemed to be thinking a million things at once, all negative. I couldn't calm myself because I had lost all control of thought patterns.
I couldn't calm myself because I had lost all control of thought patterns.
I do remember thinking 'Oh God what have I done to myself'. I also remember thinking and feeling that I had shit the entire contents of my bowels out (I hadn't), and then, bizarre as this sounds, I felt like I dissolved into the shit which met every other negative emotion at this one point. Basically, I felt like I had descended to an irreversible insanity from which I wouldn't escape. Not a pleasant feeling, to put it mildly.
After this there was more coherence to the trip, though it was still very fragmented and I could not really observe or think, it just happened to me. A series of scenes flashed in front of my eyes. Cops being called and standing all around me. Ambulance. Parents being told I'd gone insane. Me struggling to communicate to any of these people, opening my mouth but unable to form words Fear. Realisation my life as I had known it was over. Fear.
The levels of anxiety decreased very marginally and slowly, from the complete and overwhelming terror and madness of the beginning, to something terrifying but less insane. I started to regain the ability to think and to hold onto thoughts in my head.
I started to regain the ability to think and to hold onto thoughts in my head.
I started repeating to myself 'There's nothing you can do. You've done the damage now. They [parents/friends/school] will all know now. You're life is fucked - but don't let that worry you, just try and control the anxiety. Accept whats happened and try and get better. Breathe.' I'd say all this seemed to take about an hour (it was actually 4-5 minutes)
Then my anxiety reduced more rapidly and the real world rapidly formed in my vision again. I was very confused. Initially, the last thing I had remembered was being in the room I was in right before I smoked 5-MeO-DMT. But I quickly realised I had left that room, smoked the 5-MeO-DMT, had had a bad trip, but hadn't gone insane. None of the things I had imagined actually happened.
I found it to be a very traumatic experience. And would you believe it? I smoked it again, about a week later. Very little this time. I really really wanted to have a positive experience. As soon as I smoked it the very sensation of commencing a mild trip brought a flood of frightening emotions, and this trip never took hold due to the small quantity.
I've never been close to experiencing that level of fear or madness.
It's a powerful drug. Don't underestimate it.
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