Citation: salviablue. "The Overwhelmingness: An Experience with bk-MBDB (exp85080)". Erowid.org. Apr 29, 2010. erowid.org/exp/85080
This was left to me anonymously at my door step, I have just typed it up so I could share the experience with you guys.
Weight: Approx. 11 stone (70kg)
Height: Approx. 5'10'(1.78m)
Build: Slight - medium
Setting: At home, evening, calm, alone with wife present
Set: Very slight residual anxiety, slighter residual depression otherwise calm and generally well balanced mental and emotional state.
Predominant relevant predispositions: Cyclic anxiety, depression, angst, nervousness and lethargy.
Excitability, empathy, introspection, hedonism and creative, destructive and fantastical thought.
Substance taken: Butylone
Dosage and administration method: Approx. 50 - 100mg insufflated
Approx. 150 - 200mg orally with water
Previous substance experiences: Many, predominantly LSD, Psilocin mushrooms, LSA, Cannabis, MDMA, Salvia Divinorum, Alcohol, Bufotenin/calcium bufotenate*, JWH-018, Amphetamine
Other substances taken: None throughout the day other than light food, water, cordials and tea.
T -1:00 Small dinner.
T 0:00 From a pre-weighed amount of (purportedly) 1000mg of unknown quality (colour is very slightly off-white) a visually estimated amount approximating 50 - 100mg was insufflated. This produced a slight burning sensation in the nasal canal with a more intense irritation where the nasal canal meets the back of the throat.
T 0:05 A visually estimated amount approximating 150 - 200mg was placed directly on the tongue and swallowed with water.
T 0:10 A slight 'head buzz' was felt, emanating from the back of the skull through to the cheeks and lower jaw. This feeling crept up the back of the skull and down into the chest. Other than a very slight alteration in the visual perception of contrast and a very slight intensity of yellow hues, no other real perceived feelings where noted.
T 0:20 Other than a slight 'strange' feeling which seemed to effect base sensations and not what I perceive to be higher processes, no further sensations where perceived. There was a general feeling that the insufflated amount was insufficient to elicit an expected strength in response and I considered this a waste of substance. I also thought that this may detract from the effects of the swallowed amount when it 'kicks in'.
I then went into the front room begun watching a film (the new Superman movie) with my wife, whom was ill at the time and not under the influence of any ingested intoxicating substances.
T 1:00 I notice that I am emotionally awash with the moods of the film, especially the prevalent notions of fear, awe, anxiety, etc, following the emotions, as and when, I suppose the film creators expected to convey. It suddenly struck me that I was 'getting sucked in' far more than usual into the emotional tides of the film, or moreover, those feelings where far stronger than usual (and I very often become extremely engrossed in a good film and feel the appropriate emotions rather vividly, but this was akin to 'coming up' watching strong emotionally inducing films when dosing on the likes of LSD). This triggers a tangential thought process to the experiencing of the movie and as I look around the room, absentmindedly in that though, I notice that my visual perception has altered somewhat with yellow hues being rather vivid, contrasts between light and dark much more noticeable with a slight 'enhancement' of other colour hues too. Its then my memory decides to notify me that I had indeed taken some Butylone (looking at the clock) around an hour prior and I begin to feel that this is becoming quite an intense experience. I notice the near complete lack of euphoria I had expected, from reading other peoples reports on this substance, and also a lack of 'psychedelia' on higher thought process. I decide to 'go with the flow and see where it takes me' with out trying to direct its effects in anyway more than reabsorbing myself back into the film.
T 1:30 I begin succumbing to the overwhelming sensations projected into, what seems, to be my base thought process. Emotions becoming highly immense and even though I perceive my higher thought process to be clear and unaffected, I can't help but feel overwhelmed.
T 2:00 I remark to my wife how immensely awesome the combination of this substance and film are impacting me and how I felt both that I was thoroughly enjoying the experience, but how I might not, or should no be. Words constantly occurring to me where 'overwhelming', 'awesome', 'immense', 'strange'. Although, even in my own internal dialogue I would normally interchange descriptive words, in an attempt to help me be more verbose and expand my actual use of the English language (both internally and externally), these words continuously repeated, I could seem to find no other alternatives.
This experience certainly feels very strange, most like no other I have felt. I recall reading the length of the experience being most noticeable over 3hrs from 'take-off' and consider re-dosing, expecting the experience to be at or nearing its peak, thus if I where to re-dose now, I should catch or just miss the peak by the time I come up again from the second dose and extend the experience for a little while longer than its anticipated terminus. I consider how that has been a mistake on prior occasion with other unfamiliar substances, or where I had to be up early the next morning, and decide against it (also recalling reading about the 'fiending' properties these BK's can express).
T 2:30 I really want the film to end. The shear immensity of the 'overwhelmingness' is just immensely overwhelming, I am truly in awe (not necessarily in a positively respectful meaning). This is extremely strange. I feel I need 'talking down' by an experienced 'psychonaught'. Even though the immense 'overwhelmingness' has somehow not induced panic or 'the fear', thoughts of overdose and alarm occasion appearances. This is inducing a not atypical response from me where I have felt overwhelmed by a substance in the past, where the anxiety has thrust to the fore, near eclipsing my rational 'higher' thought process, however, in the past I have always (bar once) managed to win out through a combination of mental and physical techniques. This time, even though I apply said techniques, and perversely, I still feel my higher thought process to be clear and predominantly unaffected, I cannot shake the intensity of the 'overwhelmingness', moving me into a strange 'un-panic-ed pre-panic panic'.
I continue to 'ride with it' as this has usually worked in the past where all else has failed, or seems to be failing.
T 2.45 (~) Nearing the end of the film and perversely enjoying the experience, somehow forgetting the notions of pre-panic/ pre-'bad trip', the first wave of nausea creeps in with exponential intensity. Again the silent dialogue of overdose and alarm sting a retorte. The nausea doesn't last long and controlled breathing helped reduce it. Even though I had a strong desire to seek a way to relieve the B1 experience I had an equally strong desire to finish watching the film. I was also reluctant, however, not to experience any enhancement of the usual 'end of film depression' that often follows an engrossing film, so after a point in the film where its conclusion was inevitable and the rest I presumed would have been the tying up of loose ends; also wishing to talk to the missus but she was asleep on the settee next to me, drenched in my sweat and not wanting to unduly alarm/upset her, further noting she was also ill, I went outside for a cigarette.
That cigarette was immensely pleasurable, the duration of which seemed far too short. The feeling of the smoke entering the lungs was extremely satisfying and I found myself taking extra deep breaths, holding the smoke in for an unusual length of time and exhaling in a slow and controlled manner. Nonetheless, by the end of the cigarette I found another wave of nausea attacking me, a full blown return of the shear 'overwhelmingness' and decided I had ought to seek help. Although I felt if I just stuck it out, I'd be fine, just go to bed or something, I could feel 'the fear', especially since I had expected the experience should have begun to show signs of subsiding, and it wasn't, or at least my 'enjoyment' of it was. Even though I have, in fact, quite early on in my psychonaughtical adventures, learned to enjoy 'bad' experiences, this 'enjoyment' was a strange, kind of 'almost indifference' very difficult to explain, quite sado masochistical -- but nonetheless just plain too much.
T 3:00 (~) I think of whom I may be able to contact for help and think quite immediately of a virtual place of which I am familiar. So I venture there in the hope that a particular friend is present whom I presume to be experienced in such matters and may be willing/able to help. Fortunately not only is that one particular friend present, there is also at least one other whom may be able to assist should contact with the other, for what ever reason, fail. The hope of a dulling to the B1 experience is in sight, but not before another dose of nausea promptly overcomes me and washes the 'light at the end of the tunnel' with the 'overwhelmingness'.
T 3:30 (~) After some initial 'not helping matters' technical difficulties, the friend talks me down and solidly helps with the immensity of the overwhelmingness. I finally feel the overwhelmingness of the 'overwhelmingness' not quite so overwhelming.
T 3:40 (~) I go outside for a cigarette, some very mild introspection ensues, duly interrupted by waves of nausea becoming more intense and frequent.
T 3:50 (~) I go to bed and attempt to get some sleep. However, I find it very difficult to even start drifting, and when I do, I am either awoken by a particular violent visit from my old friend nausea (often accompanied by athletic sprints to the toilet), my wife's tossing and turning or a 'realisation' that my eyes are open, I'm awake, but what I'm seeing I know doesn't exist in our bedroom. Only after a few occasions of the later does it occur to me that my eyes are not infact open and that I am having very vivid and rl effect cev's, not too dis-reminiscent of those MDMA or amphetamine elicits from me.
T 24:00 I am still experiencing the waves of nausea, although gradually having tapered off in both intensity and frequency. Infact, although feeling quite unmotivated to do any physical work, I found that once I force myself to undertake physical activity, I feel I have an endless energy and a complete lack of any nausea. However, once I finish any physical task, I find it requires enormous effort to begin to undertake another. Throughout the day I felt rough, like a hangover from too much alcohol, but with out the headache and quite the reverse where activity and nausea where concerned. I also had no appetite to speak off, and any imbibing of liquids of any kind elicited a general queasiness and felt unsettled in my stomach. I am sure I can still feel residual effects from the experience, and although I do not feel depressed nor particularly clouded of mind, I do not feel 'right'.
T 48:00 Whether being down to lack of sleep, depletion of neurochemicals, any neurotoxicity from the B1, a combination thereof, or something else entirely, I could still feel a very slight residual effect from the B1. Although my mood felt slightly indifferent, my wife tells me I have been quick to anger and been a little odd regarding emotional responses.
Throughout the first 12hr of the experience my skin was hot to the touch, I sweated profusely, felt a clenching of the jaw, but no gurning/chewing teeth, and this clenching was fairly easy to control, I felt a sense of wanting to 'work' muscles, especially in the hands (actually tensing/working of the hands felt more like a need).
It often felt difficult to obtain a satisfactory breath, having to take extra deep breaths that could at times be difficult to 'catch' the depth of the breath, but often holding an extra deep breath would elicit a wave of euphoria. Deep, slow and controlled breathing helped keep 'on top' of the experiences intensity and also often felt ecstatically good. I noticed no real oev's nor cev's except when noted above, but when they where noticed, they where rather 'real'.
Through out the experience there was also a heightened sense of apprehension and of anxiety, but the anxiety did not seem to touch the 'higher consciousness'. Also it felt that any emotion could be channelled into an almost unique intensity. I did not feel particularly loving, or feel an increase in empathic love, other than when concentrated upon, i.e. kissing the wife 'I love you' when she was asleep, this then turned into a great sense of impossibly deep love, euphorically filling my body, but when my wife expressed her illness and tiredness (she was half asleep), the immensity of the emotion quickly fell away, or rather the desire to physically act upon it did, but not the actual emotion, if that makes sense.
Also this account was written a couple of days post hiatus and as such I have unintentionally mixed case past and present, please excuse.
Not accurately weighing/measuring out the substance WAS EXTREMELY STUPID of me, as was just 'eyeballing' the amounts. Taking what amounted to more than a known 'safe' starting dose WAS EXTREMELY STUPID of me, especially, I SHOULD KNOW BETTER at my age/experience/knowledge. This could possibly quite easily have turned into a proper horror story. As it was, I was lucky.
Over all, although I had what may be accounted as a bad time, I personally would class it as being a very close call to a 'bad trip'. For me, I had a very atypical experience where considering my use of psychoactive is concerned and the fact I needed 'talking down', it has usually been the case where it is I doing the 'talking down'. Also, I let complacency and a sloppy approach to this new (not just to me, but generally speaking) chemical get in the way of common sense and where I should have used my relevant knowledge and experience in judgement, I did not. I did, in a sense, enjoy the experience, over all, especially in hind sight (you aren't there, doesn't feel as bad), but it is not one I would wish to repeat, certainly not in this capacity.
I have missed some bits out and will send you another note filling in the blanks when I can be bothered/remember. I hope you can share this and use the report for study.
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