Citation: Azgaza. "Intense Visuals and Love: An Experience with LSD, Nitrous Oxide, Cannabis & Ketamine (exp84794)". Erowid.org. Feb 25, 2016. erowid.org/exp/84794
People: Me, female, at the time 19 years old and 50 kg and boyfriend Ri, 22, male, 73 kg.
Substances: LSD, plenty of cannabis, some nitrous, a tiny bit of alcohol and a tiny bit of ketamine.
Dose: Me on +-300 ug, Ri on +-150 ug
Location: My house
At the time of this trip I was 19 years old and it was my 22nd LSD trip, my trip companion was my boyfriend Ri, for who it was only the 2nd time of trying LSD; this difference is quite relevant to the report because it added a lot to my thoughts and mindset.
The setting wasn’t quite ideal but had its upsides, it had been a rainy day and due to circumstances we only got to my house at midnight. It was already late and when I got home the first thing that happened was getting a phone call my grandfather's mother only had a few more months to live, I knew she was in her 90s already and has had a fulfilling life so I didn’t expect it to influence then trip too much, it was still a harsh realisation though.
Around 0.30 AM we took the LSD, I gave Ri who was less experienced two hits and took three myself. Just before we took it and while waiting for effects I was complaining most of my LSD trips were mentally so calm, not confusing and just a lot of visuals basically, and how I felt like doing some good old mushrooms again for some proper tripping confusion and weird thought loops. I was feeling like having a really hard trip but I wasn’t too sure why. The hits of LSD were lab tested and confirmed to be 60-70 ug of LSD each, that's possible in the Netherlands because we have drug purity testing points in every major city where you can have your drugs tested on both purity and dose at a lab.
About 20 minutes after taking them Ri said he was already getting some decent visuals and feeling the come up. I felt some early effects too, but found the come up to be a bit slow until this point. He was overwhelmed by the beauty of his visuals and I noticed I saw patterning on the wall, quite fractal like, my vision had gone overly sharp and I noticed my furniture was both moving in a breathing-like way as well as buzzing a bit. I was annoyed though by how amazed Ri was, he was just saying ‘wooow’ the whole time while looking wide-eyed at my wide ceiling, so I looked there too, and noticed a pattern but I wasn’t nearly as amazed, I had seen these things often enough anyway. Well, it bothered me to the point I figured I should take more, so I took the other half hit he had left, and 10 minutes after that a whole other one too. That makes the total dose I consumed in about 30 minutes around 300 ug. At the moment it just felt good, and the more hits I took the more I started looking forward to the trip, and I figured if I was feeling good about it now that would just last.
No more then half an hour later I was caught in the same amazed state, the patterns were flying through my vision, overly bright neon colours dominated my vision and things moved like they had rarely done before. Auditory hallucinations where more apparent then usual and every spoken word and sentence would echo through the room in sound and image. All my senses blurred together, much more then the normal ‘the patterns and the surroundings are moving to the music’ effect of lower doses, now every sound echoed on in this odd way and I would see the echo ripple through visual reality. We had planned to watch the DVD Earth in the trip for some amazing visuals, but since I couldn’t find the DVD anywhere I had just prior to taking the LSD started a download, we’d have to wait for it to finish for more then two hours so we were thinking about what to do until then.
While waiting we decided to walk into my living room, there the neon colours were just as bright and moving through the room and the patterns just kept growing more complicated and detailed, larger and more and more obvious. I attempted to look outside for a while, where I could just see masses of morphing patterns and fractals that kept growing more and more complicated, in the colours of what the street is normally like. First faces appeared in the patterns, then entire people, also neatly distributed over my visual field, and after that a fast stream of all kinds of different semi surrealistic images that were still completely fractal like patterned. The entire thing was pulsating and sliding around so I moved my vision back inside. Ri was standing a few meters away and every few seconds he would completely disappear behind the bright and mutating fractal like patterns. Him standing in bright light a few moments later didn’t help one bit, even then, and with the extreme colour difference between him and the white wall behind him I would still see him twist into fractals into the wall and the patterns on it and he would again completely disapear into the visuals.
I managed to walk back to my room and found my computer, where a friend on msn had asked over 15 minutes ago how my trip was. The only thing I typed back (I type blind, so typing on psychedelics goes fine for me) was “fractals, lots and lots of fractals.”. That's was about the best I could describe it. These visuals were exactly like visuals always are, only they’d transform and mutate further and everything would move and twist and fractal into other things where eventually I wasn’t even slightly able to tell what I was actually looking at. If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was
If I looked around fast enough I didn’t get time to develop to full visuals and I could see where I was
, but if I kept staring it would go to the point I’d see only visuals and nothing else.
We decided to go back to my room, where I had all my stuff. I attempted to pour myself a cup of tea, which failed, mostly because the tea pot is already leaky, so there was tea on my desk and keyboard. In a very serious voice Ri said I should get some paper and clean it up, where I first had thought “what's so bad about a bit of tea on my desk”. I took his words very serious because they sounded like that and went out to look for a roll of toilet paper. By blinking fast (each time I do that the visuals reset for a moment and if you’re fast enough it gets almost no chance to start morphing enough) and looking around a lot I was again able to navigate by sight and I found a roll of toilet paper to clean it up with. I think I spent around 30 minutes cleaning up the tea and it had a nice ritual feel to it, and I kept saying that too, “getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper, getting the paper, putting the paper on the tea, throwing away the paper.” Etc. Because of the visuals I couldn’t actually see whether or not there was tea on my desk and how much and if it was already dry. Ri eventually said I was looking a bit obsessive compulsive and that it had been dry for about 10 minutes already.
At that time, Ri suggested putting on some music. I responded completely surprised, thinking I already heard more then enough interesting sounds. I saw sound like wires that echoed and it would move in an echo in little shocks through my room that would make my entire room pulsate. Everything was still morphing in and out and if I stared for too long I would still be seeing no reality behind my visuals. It was so beautiful already I felt absolutely no need to add any stimuli to my surroundings, but Ri seemed so set on the music idea I decided to try it anyway. Finding music was really hard, I could barely read and even with huge concentration I could still barely see the letters in that morphing mass, in some weird way I still managed to put on music, and we enjoyed some dark psy trance, at the moment the music started the whole room changed in atmosphere, it turned even a little more psychedelic, but another thing that grew was the feeling of loveliness, greatness and euphoria, probably directly coming from enjoying the music.
Finally it was getting closer to watching Earth and after the long wait we could finally watch it. That too proved difficult, because even though my computer is easy, it was all very hard to see with all those visuals, it did work eventually, with a bit of Ri’s help, and there was Earth. My first impression was that I understood very little of what I was looking at, and that I what I saw wasn’t actually what was really there, but it was absolutely beautiful and left us quite breathless. Both of us couldn’t really believe it was actually this beautiful. For some magical reason we left the room while Earth was on and walked through the living room. I sat down in the middle of the floor behind my couch and Ri sat on the couch itself. I was looking at the back of my couch and saw entire societies of people build up and break down again in the fractal like pattern chaos, it was so logical and it went so deep I could hardly believe what I was seeing. After that I moved my vision to my floor, which gave the same entire visuals, and then the ceiling, which wasn’t much different. Ri was sitting on the couch looking at me and told me I looked like I was swimming in the visuals, I was in fact lying on the ground moving around a bit.
I decided to try some closed eyes visuals as well and the three dimensional multi coloured patterns on the usual black background weren’t any less significant then what I saw with my eyes open. Ri closed his eyes too and described what he saw, a lot more Earth-like and more concrete than my surreal bizarre visuals, but the same odd nature to them.
I rolled a joint while sitting there on the ground (I can roll joints in any trip, no matter how intense, it's such automatism I barely notice I roll it at all). We decided to smoke it on my balcony for another change of view. It wasn’t very warm there, but very very strange. Even in the kitchen I had difficulties seeing where I could stand, but looking over my neighbour's gardens was really odd. There's this net before my balcony to prevent my cats from falling off, and through the net we could barely see any of the outsides, because it was so bright and moving around it blocked everything behind it. While sober the net is barely visible and very thin wire. I pressed my head against the net to look through more easily and I saw black and very bright chemical green, very square 3D patterns grew up to the clouds and close to me, and all the trees were very wooly and bizarre moving. It was beautiful so we smoked up the joint there and then went back to my room to watch Earth again, which we had sort of forgotten about.
It turned out Earth was already over, so instead of going back through the movie we put on music again. I had been asking Ri about it a few times already but he felt his trip had been too intense but he was finally also in for a balloon if nitrous. Even though I had just gone over my max dose by 100 ug I still found the idea of doing nitrous good throughout the entire trip so far, but I guess experience also gives confidence. When doing the nitrous (one whippit) the entire world broke apart and grew back into one, black sharp fields in the patterns and then slowly that very pleasant physical sensation of buzzing. Each time we did a balloon it’d be no more then 5 minutes because I’d ask “let's to another one”. The music was good, but after a while we had listened through everything we already knew so I decided to go on youtube and try to pick songs by ‘related songs’, and I typically chose the image with the nicest colours as the images kept morphing into absolutely anything and I couldn’t really see what they were anyway. I found some very good psy trance tracks which I managed to find back through the history of my browser and are still pretty nice.
We spent a great deal of tiem just sitting in my room, talking odd. I was pretty bad at talking and would often say short sentences only, and confuse Ri with asking odd questions he didn’t get either. We just spent most of the time watching the intense visuals, while I had this odd sensation where I had a hard time telling the difference between swallowing, coughing or sniffing my nose, and that felt pretty odd.
Somewhere around this time I decided to draw, and I really couldn’t believe the next day it would be just black and white as the colours were dripping off it. The peak hadn’t gotten any less intense and the visual mass was still very intense; extremely complicated morphing patterns that told entire stories and would occasionally take over my entire visual field, mostly with faces and human shapes in them, things moved so far they seemed to slip into extra dimensions. By now around 6 hours had passed and I gained a bit more of my ability to speak, as I had been overly silent up to this point. I still didn’t get much further then ‘wauw, wow, amazing, fractals’, but we managed to form a conversation and I decided the two most important things were love and music. Around then Ri’s comedown had probably started a lot more than mine, as he was having his first interesting deep tripping thoughts and even though I couldn’t really talk back as there were and are no words for the thoughts I was having at that point, I felt so happy he finally understood deep tripping thoughts.
We had by now run out entirely of nitrous so I decided to take some ketamine for my dissociative chaos. It hit me like a balloon of nitrous, only it lasted. We had also decided we should really have sex in the peak of this trip but didn’t get to it for quite obvious reasons. Only about 10 minutes after the ketamine we started the sex, normally on LSD it's absolutely great, but on ketamine and LSD it must’ve been the weirdest thing I could’ve possibly imagined at that moment. I wasn’t able to tell which boy parts where from who, or whether we had morphed together into a sort of strange machine. I won’t mention too many details, but I have to say sex on LSD and ketamine is seriously weird. After that the ketamine was still going strong, I was surprised because I thought it was’t that much, but for some reason it gave me back the ability to speak properly. I stood up from my chair feeling the most energy I had ever had at 8 in the morning, I actually jumped up and down a few times saying ‘energy energy energy’, I still felt like on one balloon of nitrous, but just like the sky outside had cleared up and became very bright with the sun that had just come up, my mind had the same feeling. It was a kind of false comedown, I kept saying sentence after sentence about this trip, and my life and almost everything. To how I was feeling it felt like suddenly everything had become completely clear to me, the same thing happened to me on a trip a year back, where I got the feeling I kept getting answers without even having asked any questions.
I started realising how this odd come up had happened. When I was sober I had been in a kind of blur, I had this arrogance over me, and over LSD, and I had already thought that the difference in experience could be problematic for me and Ri’s trips, as he would be amazed and I’d be like ‘yeah, I had that 20 times already, its not that big of a deal’. In some unconscious way I had felt his amazement at it and wanted to feel the same, so without thinking I just kept taking more and more until I did as well, which for me meant taking 300 ug, while I had never taken over 200 ug prior to this trip (I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier
I by the way always have my blotters tested, I know every single dose I have taken which makes comparing much easier
). This amazement made me a much better tripmate for Ri as we could both share the ‘wow’ in the experience, even though for me that meant tripping so hard I could barely even talk or see. After that I decided, because ketamine conclusions aren’t always that logical, that LSD is always right, and because LSD is always right, the LSD made me take that much to understand Ri. Of course even at the time I knew that made no sense, but I felt amazed at the substance so much I, in an odd train of thoughts, almost declared the LSD molecule ‘god’. The sun was shining into my room and I felt so much love, so much respect for everything, I felt so small and so huge at the same time; but I also felt desperation, because of the desperation of life and some personal thing at the time (it was the time of final exams, which I due to skipping too many classes wasn’t allowed to participate in that year), so I started rolling a joint which I put all the desperation in, took a picture of it, and smoked my desperation. After that it felt a lot better. I told Ri how LSD just kicked my mushroom nostalgia’s ass with a big foot of deep meaningful trips. LSD had gone completely back to favorite again and I completely remembered why I liked it so much.
At the same time, Ri was standing in front of my window looking out on the early morning people, in his underwear but wearing a coat, with a cigarette in his mouth and a cheap half a liter can of beer in his hand looking at the busy Saturday morning outside. He was laughing so hard his face was all red. I already knew that phenomenon in trips, finding normal people hilarious, but he saw it for the first time, and the idea of people seeing him standing like that so early in the morning was kind of funny. A few people noticed him and that made him laugh even more. Ri was laughing so hard that his eyes were tearing and his ears were purplish, and that looked so funny I started to laugh as well. I took a photo of Ri, that moment in his coat, only that moment he was looking more serious and even from a photographical point of view that's one of my best photos to date, that whole image, so I somehow thought that maybe tripping I could capture people's essence better in photos and took a picture of me and Ri together and one of my own odd face. The moment the ketamine had finally completely worn off my normal LSD comedown came back, it had no odd thoughts, and felt more like smoking joints and remaining entertained. It was just like any other comedown, but I still felt the love I had felt in the early comedown, and told Ri that, to which he hugged me; that made me feel the love flow through my veins instead of blood and I don't think I ever enjoyed a hug that much before. The sun was still incredibly bright, like the sun was trying to land.
At around 11 am my visuals had gone back to the level of a lower dose trip and we started watching family guy on DVD, eat some food and smoke some more joints. After watching for a few more hours we started to really feel tired and I thought my trip had wore off enough to sleep, but when at 2pm we went to bed I still saw bright open and closed eye visuals, everything still moved, was bursting with colour and patterns were like a layer over everything. Luckily after 14 hours of tripping the tiredness took over and we had some hours of sleep left.
Up until the point of this trip it had been my strongest trip, I have since then topped it, in a way more chaotic setting but I’m still working on finding words to make that one into a report; but at the time of this trip, it was the most I had ever done. The whole peak was mentally very very calm, I was so amazed by the visuals I had little time to think, especially because I had never before been unable to see what I was looking at for 6 hours straight. The 1.5 hours on ketamine were extremely odd, I felt like I suddenly realised everything, as if I had been asleep for months and finally woke up. It was really good to feel that awake and I have since that day maintained the bright mental feeling. After that the normal LSD mindset took over again, and it was wonderful to have a trip where you just have to go with it and see what happens after being more experienced with my usual dosage. I told Ri in the trip we had melted together and formed a third eye together and that that found never be broken down, one thing remained true, today, 10 trips later, all of which were with Ri the love has only grown and LSD made me feel it properly for the first time.
I feel like I haven’t described the mental effects as well as I should have, but seeing as at the time I couldn’t speak, I feel it's safe to say there are no words for what I thought (I’m a visual thinker by the way, I think images instead of words) and that they can’t be put into any human language I know, unfortunately, because they certainly felt amazing.
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