Citation: Rising Spirit. "'The Calling' - A Return Journey of Awakening: An Experience with DMT & Cannabis (exp82862)". Erowid.org. Aug 19, 2010. erowid.org/exp/82862
||(powder / crystals)
First, I would like to state that this was my first trip in almost 17 years. I had experienced several hundred trips with LSD and eaten many ounces of mushrooms, in my day. I had arrived at a point in my personal journey of awakening, where I had been up & down the elevator of Cosmic Consciousness, over and over again. At the apex of my last experience with LSD, I was asked (or maybe commanded?) to purify myself and wait for... 'The Calling'. No, I was not told to hold-off from partaking of sacred substances or 'the food of the Gods' (psychedelics) by any human teacher. Neither was it an angelic force, rather, by the living Goddess, herself (in a psychedelic vision).
Now, while I am not the type of person who worships anthropomorphic deifications, to the contrary, I practice Zen Buddhism and prefer to meditate on the Void. However, in the presence of such Divine authority, I humbly accepted this message and have been patiently awaiting an INVITATION for a return journey of awakening, through the imbibing of a sacred, psychedelic substance. I go into such elaborate detail here, as I want to convey that I do not believe these powerful halucinagens are some form of entertainment. I do not trip for the fun or it, anymore. I know they are shamanic medicines for the human soul and not to taken lightly. As I have been sleeping and dreaming my own illusory mirage, lo these many years, I have been true to the MESSAGE I had received from this supreme Goddess. Frankly, I can't tell you why I needed to obstain or why the Divine entity took the form of a Goddess. Regardless, I am a firm believer that, 'Timing is everything.'
So, when a good friend of mine asked me (two weeks ago), 'Want to trip on some DMT?', I politely declined. Now, somewhere in the back of my mind, I recalled reading about this substance but had never tried it or knew anyone else that had taken it (at least to my knowledge). I explained to him my situation and he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, 'It's up to you.' I replied, 'Maybe you know something I don't?' He just smiled and told me to take it with me and I could decide later on, whether to try or not to try it. He assured me that the effects only lasted 15-20 minutes. I said 'Yeah, but can't 15 minutes can be an eternity?' He chuckled and said, 'Exactly!'
So, I meditated on the possibility for 7 days. Indeed, I felt an inner calling, so I decided to give it a go. Did I really make the decision or was I just accepting the invitation to once again, merge with the ONE? Do we ever really make our own choices? Sometimes I wonder...
I have always believed that I should go into any new drug experiences without preconceptions, so I did no research about other folks DMT journeys. I wanted to be completely open to whatever the experience had to teach me. This might be a dangerous path to travel but it has always been my way. I strongly believe in the spontaneous flow of existance and besides... who really needs all that extra stuff in their mind, on the threshold of self-obliteration/ego death?
With minimal instruction, I proceeded to explore this new chemical pathway to a higher state of consciousness. I had been given a small gel capsule containing the DMT (yellow-orange, crystalline powder). I instinctively separated the amount into 4 small piles, each slightly larger than the previous pile. As I had been instructed to do, I loaded a small pinch of Skunk #1 into my glass bowl and 'protected' the DMT from direct contact with the flame from my lighter. Ganja has always been a dear friend, so I figured it would be a nice combination and perhaps soften the intensity a touch? Turns out, it was like trying to 'soften' a hurricane with a fly-swatter!
I sat on the couch with my legs crossed and prepared to cross into another territory or rather, another dimension. Upon my first deep inhalation, I was shocked by the foul chemical taste! Probably the only part of the trip I really didn't care for. I held it in as long as I could stand to. After my exhalation, I quickly took a second deep inhalation from the pipe. Trying hard not to gag on the thick smoke, I really don't remember my second exhalation, at all.
Suddenly, I heard a loud auditory ringing in my ears, accompanied by the familiar droning of the universal sound (the Word). Almost instantly, I was treated to an explosion of colorful visual patterns. I was drawn within myself and caught up in a rushing force of unlimited energy. Having had many prior journeys with LSD, psilocybin mushrooms and mescaline... I had learned enough to surrender to the pull and merged with the moment. Now, did I really have any choice? Hardly.
Within seconds, I became aware of my chakras being activated. This kind of came as a surprise, as I no longer considered myself a practicing Yogi. As I drew the energy up my spine, I had intense visions of these multifarious levels, even as my spirit rose higher and higher. I won't go into elaborate detail about the myriad of horrifying and alternately, tremendously beautiful visions. It would take a whole book to describe everything I can actually remeber about the thousands of visual impressions flashing before me. I released them each, as they emerged and consciously moved on to higher and yet, higher levels of awareness.
When the rushing force propelled up my spinal column had reached my third-eye (sixth chakra), I became cognesant of what I used to refer to as, 'THE GRID'. The predominant colors I saw were a bright green color (with just a hint of blue to it) and a lavender/magenta/purple. Wow!!!
This amazed me, as I had recalled a whole rainbow of colors under the influence of LSD. I remember thinking to myself, 'These colors reminds me of peyote and mescaline. Must be a similar place?'. I saw curve-linear lines of criss-crossing, colored light. These rays of colors were swelling and undulating out of a central point of blinding white light. This 'Grid' was circular in it's formation and was superimposed over everything I looked at (inside and outside).
I had become increasingly aware of my breathing and the beating of my heart. Almost as if my physical body was trying to remind me of my mortality. In truth, I know now that my heart chakra and throat chakra were pulling on my awareness. Perhaps some kind of built-in safety valve or maybe just the gravity of self, insisting on attention? Having more than 36 years of sitting meditation, under my belt, I calmly centered my breathing and proceeded to raise the energy back up, in an effort to merge with the Great Light (which seemed to be calling to me, drawing me further and further within.)
As I looked with my mind's eye, I could see clearly, that at every point that these lines of colorful energy intersected, there was a point of that same blinding white light. It occurred to me that I was observing the interior blue-print of the Great Spirit, hidden within each particle of the entire panorama of the physical universe. Much like Einstein's theory of an undifferentiated, indivisible field of energy/being... secretly inherent within the illusion of time/space/duality.
At this very moment, I returned to myself and became aware of my body and the fact that I was a separate, individual self or consciousness. Yes, I was back again and what seemed like an eternity was in fact, a little over 15 minutes of time! Once more, my fear, paranoia and selfishness had pulled me back down. Me, myself and I... again.
After stretching into some hatha yoga postures and doing some tai chi chuan, I gradually came out of the rushing current of this force. I reflected upon the journey and loaded another bowl, yet I believe I waited more than an hour to light it up. Yeah, I do remember looking a my watch, although at first I couldn't really figure out what the mysterious symbols on it's face meant (numbers). In a little while, I was completely back to my earthly dream-state and ready for another trip.
I won't go into too much minute detail about my perceptions of the second DMT lift-off, as it was quite similar to the first. Granted, it was easier to access this dimension, since I was familiar with the terrain. Even so, each successive lift-off into the raging current of this force, brought me slightly higher & deeper into this matrix of electrifying power.
After another hour or so, the third shot projected me to the place where I understood what the GRID actually was, in essence (so I believed at that moment). I realized that the finite barrier of being an observer of the observed phenominon, still existed within my being. I could see that, what I visualized as a mandala-like geometric pattern, swirling in a galactic, spiralling whirl... was emanating from the crown of my head. I remember hearing an ethereal voice say, 'The Thousand-petaled Lotus'. Yes, I had risen to the awareness of the 7th chakra. I was actually seeing it through my third-eye (literally looking directly up at it, over head).
This, however, was not enough to achieve complete union and I hesitated, on the verge of dissolving my self into the clear light of the ONE. Moments later, I was separated from this transition-point and back to the ego-driven sense of me, myself and I.
I had come to the point of loading my 4th dose and wanted to wait long enough to maximize the potential. I began to look closely at the DMT and noticed a rather large crystal poking out of the powdered crystalline stuff. It was beautiful and glistened in the sunlight. I had the intuition/feeling that this 1/10th inch, golden crystal was awaiting for me to cross into another level of reality. The realm beyond witness and witnessed, self and other, experiencer and that which is experienced.
After my fourth dose had been smoked, I was explosively propelled towards the boundary of the eternal. I still recall viewing the GRID above me. One of my last thoughts was that it was like a grand, cosmic, ballooning hat. Right on top of my own head! It reminded me of some of the Mayan terracotta sculptures I have seen. Now, this 'hat' was simultaneously expanding outwards into infinity and pulling internally within itself, also an infinity.
Just as I perceived these billions of brilliant glowing white lights, shining at the intersecting points of the colorful mandala pattern, I had the realization that these lights were all of the sentient beings within the fabric of creation. Each bright light was another individuated, third-eye, connected to the totality. Each consciousness united with each other and was intricately woven into this fantastic, geometric pattern. I realized my oneness with each of these stars and recognized that they were each a separate reflection of the GREAT LIGHT, emanating from the center of the GRID.
As I recall it now, I had another revelation, thus I had just one last thought before dissolving into silence... 'The GRID is GOD!!!' The omniscience and the omnipotence of this consciousness was nearly unbearable to behold! I can well imagine how the Biblical Moses must have felt... as he fell, terrified, upon the ground before the BURNING BUSH!!! While I was tempted to worship this GOD as my ONE LORD and SAVIOR, I knew that I must sacrifice myself fully, and merge completely with it. So, I even had to let go of this ecstacy, for it was the last barrier.
Of course, there are no human words that can come close to describing the state of consciousness wherein we die, so to speak, as a separate self and experience union with the ABSOLUTE. I can but fail to describe my perception of this DIVINE oneness. Zen Buddhists refer to this as the VOID. It could be named the CHRIST, the TAO, the GREAT SPIRIT, the GOD-HEAD or simply... I AM. But seriously, I can't detail it any more, as I wasn't conscious of being me, observing the Divine and living presence of GOD. I was awakened to my own true Self. I was absorbed into I AM.
There was no longer any shred of duality to cling to, at all. I vaguely recall the feeling of extreme bliss, as I evaporated into the ONENESS. The last spark of recollection I have of this powerful DMT peak, is a profound stillness within the center of this cyclone of pure, boundless energy. Then... ABSOLUTE SILENCE.
After some time, I awoke into my ordinary dream-world, living on the other side. Oddly enough, I was standing with my arms outstretched, resembling the letter T. Or was it a cross? I don't remeber uncrossing my legs and standing up. My palms were facing upwards and I had tears streaming from the corners of my eyes. My upturned face wore a broad grin and I could feel my heart beating evenly, again. I took a deep breath and to this day, I cannot remeber if I had been breathing at all or even if my heart had been beating. Must have been but I was not watching the panorama for a short interlude. I suspect I had gotten so focused on the inner journey, that I was returning from a single, profound moment, free of time. In that one brief momentary peak... an ETERNITY.
It has been 6 days since my DMT experience and I have been undergoing deep meditations every day since the trip. All in all, the whole process took less that 5 hours but the inspiration lives on. Returning to 'normal' consciousness and an ordinary chemical condition is both, exhilarating and a little depressing. After all, who doesn't want to be perpetually awake? Until another moment outside of myself, I must go to sleep, once again. Still, I thank my lucky stars I was gifted with this powerful experience.
I am reminded of a silly little poem I wrote, when I was a mere boy of 22 years old. I had been up all night on LSD and arrived at the very same state of BEING. At the time, I really felt I had found a way to speak about my deep revealation. Frankly, I had even forgotten all about it, until this recent DMT trip.
It goes like this, 'There is no self to which I cling, for I am one with everything.' Just goes to show, words fall so very shy of the mark. Even so, I will quote that most-illumined Chinese sage, who wrote the Tao Te Ching. Lao Tsu said, 'The Tao that can be named is not the Eternal Tao.' God bless him.
Since I came down, I have been reading about effects of DMT and researching the journeys others have had with DMT. In the process, I decided to share my voyage with you folks. Sorry to be so verbous but it is super hard to vocalize about such wonders, and keep it brief.
Peace to all of you, my family and dear friends. May your way be clear and may the GREAT LIGHT shine in your minds and hearts, forever.
I love you all, Brother Rising Spirit.
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