Citation: Mike. "Destruction of Reality is Creation: An Experience with MDMA, Ketamine & Cannabis (exp80200)". Erowid.org. Aug 21, 2009. erowid.org/exp/80200
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, there are reasons to believe the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]
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This was, by far, the worst and simultaneously best experience of my life.
About 2 weeks before this ordeal, a friend and I had bought some blue puma rolls. This was the first time I had rolled with this friend and it proved to be a very enjoyable and heart-opening experience. Because of the amazing time we had the time before, we decided to buy some more.
In between this time, I was introduced to the movie “The Number 23” and had become very interested in the phenomena and had began to see it in my every day life. Nothing major, just a tip of the hat to the number everywhere I went.
When we went to get them, the guy said he didn't have any more blue pumas but would sell us some orange boo-boo's. Not knowing any different, I took them and went on my way. Later that night, my friend and I took the rolls. While waiting for the effects to kick in, and see to how it would affect the roll, we decided to smoke some cannabis.
For this we went in to his closet that we had setup for a hotbox room. About halfway through the bowl I felt the familiar rush of ecstasy coming on. I tell my friend this and within a few minutes he had gotten the same rush. Ten minutes later, I had what we call a 'mind-explosion.' It had started with me just thinking about the number 23. I like to think very philosophically and was pondering the purpose of this number. I quickly came to the conclusion that the number was almost like life’s personal metaphor to make us realize how connected we are. The number can be found in absolutely anything. After this realization the mind-explosion happened. I was quickly and constantly able to make connections between everything and anything. Colors, sounds, animals, words, buildings, races and species all blended in to one concise object and thought. I was literally holding the entire universe in my conscious.
Now, I am proud to say that I am an atheist. I haven’t been capable of believing in a anthropomorphized god in a very long time and, because of this, have lived an immensely blasphemous life. With this mind-explosion, I felt like I had found God. Not the “true” God that I think of, as in the whole universe, but as in the Christian God.
I broke down.
I couldn’t even scream because I was so scared. Tears were streaming down my eyes and I seriously thought that I was destined to go to hell and there was nothing I could do about it. But my mind snapped back. 23 became God. The absolution of the complete oneness of the universe. I snapped back again and thought “how can a number be a God?” Then I had a breakthrough that I have not been able to leave behind since. This is the night that I finally realized what Zen thought is truly about. The complete opening of the door that lead me to the paradoxical oneness of it all. Everything pieced together, anything anyone has ever said, written, drawn, done, was a representation of the whole because that’s what we are. We try to separate, categorized, and ostracized things but in truth we are all just one piece and that piece is existence.
Finally we began to come down and reflected on what had just happened. What was strange was that he and I had the EXACT same trip. It was as though we were sharing thoughts so it seemed almost redundant to talk about it. We began to calm down and decided to smoke a little more to finish the calming. All the while the hallucinations began. My friends’ hair went jet black and straight and he slowly transformed in to a demon. However, there was nothing malicious about it. Apparently I began to look like an orange weasel. The hallucinations faded away and we finally managed to pass out.
The next morning will forever be known as “that one time.”
We woke up and felt ungodly dead. It required an immense amount of effort just to get up from bed and walk to the bathroom. It was almost like I was barely connected to my body so I had to try harder to move it. Sadly, this feeling didn’t work for the agony that my body felt, every muscle ached. Our minds kept racing, making constant connections to the point to where it was just annoying and exhausting to think. I honestly wanted to stop thinking but I couldn’t. Everything was horrible. We came to the conclusion that everything sucked, even gravity because it was pushing us down and making it harder to move. We tried to go back to sleep but the thoughts wouldn’t end. We tried to smoke some weed to help but it only seemed to make the physical exhaustion worse. We sat around and did nothing but groan for FIVE hours straight. We had no desire to do anything. We even said that killing ourselves would have been stupid because it took too much effort.
Finally after the 5 hours groan-fest, we managed to collect enough energy to get up and walk downstairs. We decided to attempt to go for a walk and see if that would alleviate the rest of the dragged down feeling. The walk did help but at the same time I felt more tired but less exhausted, if that makes sense. That next night, I slept like a baby.
After this whole experience, we found out that our rolls had been cut with Ketamine, which I think is what caused the mass hallucinations and the dragging effect the next day. I would never suggest this combination to any one unless to just truly feel you need to awaken your mind and nothing else has worked.
Simultaneously, I am glad it happened and wish that I had never done it.
And thus continues the paradoxical nature of the world.
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