Citation: JustMe. "Kensho: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp75530)". Erowid.org. Nov 18, 2013. erowid.org/exp/75530
For at least two years after my Woodrose trip I professed the experience as the most poignant and profound moment of my life. Since an early age I was a thoughtful soul and have always had an interest in religion, theology, God, the universe etc. And indeed I am happy to find in my later years, that there still is an albeit marginalised society of like minded souls in the world who are explorers of the conscience. I had always felt that longing that we all feel but can't place, for the truth.
The Monk Bought Lunch
I had had this bag of twenty seeds for a while now but had not tried them. What brought me to them was that I was in an incredibly low place, almost certainly because of the not so copious amount of skunk I had smoked in the past few years. I was depressed and mildly psychotic. This nadir I could no longer bare and hence turned to the extreme. I needed something, I wanted something to change. So alone in my London flat, prepared a single seed, burning and scraping the fur, then smashed it with a hammer in a bag. Ingested the shattered seed chased with a glass of water. To no avail. Following a half hour or so of mild visual disturbance I decided to drop another four seeds. Many of you will be rightly thinking 'What is this idiot doing? No sitter, jumping up to a four fold dose.' No excuse, like I say I was pretty much fucked anyway.
So away to my bedroom, the tv playing a documentary about whales, perfectly trippy stuff. It all of a sudden occurred to me that the effects I was experiencing where very similiar to a migraine (a teenage affliction of mine) but without the headache. As a medical student, I was analyzing precisely the association between the alkaloids battering my synapses and the abberent neurological activity in migraines. As a whale I was writhing around on my mattress uncontrollably. This was the classic trip, visually the tv was amazing but I could hardly regard it, cognitively I was a whale and at that point my good friend called me on the phone and I told him so.
This was insignificant in light of what was to come. My uncle called me on the phone and this is where it went wrong.I just told him I had a migraine and couldn't speak, but non-the less it was enough to send me on a bad trip. This was the worst fear and utter hellishness that I have ever and hopefully will ever experience. I would never wish it upon anyone. Nausea ensued and absolute loss of hearing. I ran myself a bath, to quote Sylvia Plath 'there must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure - I just don't know any'. I sat there in the tub thoroughly gutted. Spontaneously that scene from the film of The Doors flashed into my mind where Jim Morrison is sitting in the bath dead. I considered 'what if I am already dead?' It occurred to me that I was already dead. This was the death of my ego. I realised that what religion describes as hell is the letting go of and moving through at death, all the shit that one's ego accumulates. All the stress, anxiety and negativity that I had been for the sake of my ego I had to move through in dissolution. Further to this I pulled myself through it on the notion that what if everything I did from now on had only pureness and goodness of heart, then nothing else could touch me.
'This is the best part of the trip. The trip...the best part.'
I was dried and in bed. This was the moment that my life had been leading to. Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. It all made sense. It was perfect and it was so simple. Everything that I had ever read, the Baghvad Gita, the Dammapada the Upanishads, everything I had ever tried to understand or grasp, I knew and understood everything at this one point in time. It was so perfect and simple. This was God. I knew at the time though that it was not everything. I knew there was still a lot of myself I could not let go of or sacrifice. But this was at least a glimpse of God. I knew even at the time it was what Zen Buddhists call Kensho, a transient clarity or revelation. Visually throughout there was simply a central focus of dull orange glow which I was surprised at since you always hear of brilliant white light. But visuals were entirely insignificant to me, it was an almost completely intellectual and spiritual experience.
For at least a year after that I was more alive than I had been for a long time. I was very much changed for the better. I saw God in everything, the same pattern, the same beauty. Nothing else mattered or troubled me because I no longer had faith in something greater, I had knowledge, I knew that there was a deeper truth. And being safe in that knowledge of a deeper truth, I lived without fear, passing everything I did, all of my Karma sacrificed up to God. I hoped that it would stick but suspected that it wouldn't. And indeed, nigh on three years later, although still by far the better for it, I have forgotten most of it or rather I can not feel it any more. I am too scared to take woodrose again currently as it was such an intense experience and feel I don't really need it at the moment. But at some later point in life I may dare to explore it again. I have been experimenting with Salvia and cactus with some interesting superficial trips but nothing has shown me God like LSA.
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