Hitting a Wall in My Own Mind
Mushrooms & Cigarettes
by olli
Citation:   olli. "Hitting a Wall in My Own Mind: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cigarettes (exp71028)". Erowid.org. Sep 30, 2022. erowid.org/exp/71028

T+ 0:00
2.2 g oral Mushrooms (tea)
  T+ 1:50 Repeated joints/cigs smoked Tobacco - Cigarettes  
Mind and body set: overworked and sleepy, though no bad thoughts or experiences happened recently
Setting : My room, alone
Prep : None to very little, didn't eat 8 hours before the experience

A little about myself, I'm 21 years old and have a quite long history of drug use. About a year ago I started experimenting with psychedelics like mushrooms or salvia divinorum, since then I have had at least 8 trips sessions with shrooms. Most of the time I would trip at a friends house, only 2 of the trips where outside in public and I have had high dose experiences at at least 3.5g. But I wanted to kinda get out of this ´´drug´´ using mind set of having tons of fun and see if I could use the mushroom trip as a tool for exploring my mind my own psy. The first time tripping alone I started with 0.5 g of dried mushrooms golden teacher. It was a very very mild trip and this time I wanted to go deep so this try I took 2.2g of dried mushrooms equadorien. This is what happened:

10:30 pm: Mushrooms cooked as a tea and ingested.

11:00 pm: I start feeling little bits of the mushroom but not harsh. Talking to my trip buddy on the telephone waiting for it to kick in.

11:20 pm: I really do start feeling the heavy effects of my dose. I hung up the phone, turned on some music and kept sitting at my computer, waiting for the right time to lay down on my bed to start exploring. At this point the the distortion of reality started leaving pretty quickly and I started seeing patterns that I always see when I ingest mushrooms, objects were morphing, walls where breathing heavily and lighting up in different colors. At this point I was really really tired so I decided to lay down on my bed turn of my computer and give it a go at my own mind.

Midnight: just past midnight I went and layed down on my bed and turned on the tv without sound so that if I started to kind of panic I could still have some kind of reality that I could pretty much just turn on. For me TV is pretty much always the one thing that never goes into the trip and kinda brings me back to reality. I closed my eyes and this is when it starts to get really intense.

12:10 am: With my eyes closed and music turned of I still started hearing voices, sounds and music but inside my head. I could at this point still tell it wasn't real. As I started drifting away deep into my own mind a saw patterns, tunnels and faces though I could not tell whose face or what kind of face. After what seemed like at least an hour I was flying through a tunnel it kind of reminded my of arteries that run through my body as if I was starting to go on a voyage finding my deepest psychedelic mind.
I was flying through a tunnel it kind of reminded my of arteries that run through my body as if I was starting to go on a voyage finding my deepest psychedelic mind.
After flying for what seemed like at least 10 minutes I took a left turn in the tunnel and boom it was like hitting a brick wall as if I turned into a path where the door was closed and I just ran right into the door. The last thing I remember at that point was that the door I hit was black with red dots.

Right when I hit it a really really obnoxiously loud buzzing sound (kind of like when a subwoofer is turned up with just one tone but no other speakers) was heard and it felt as if my brain vibrated and my heart stopped for a second. I then sat up in my bed literally thrown out of my own mind. As if I had a bad dream and just woke up. Probably the most unpleasant sound and feeling I have ever had or heard in my whole life. I then looked at the clock thinking it had to have been at least 1 and a half hours later... wrong.

12:15 am: Shocked at what just happened, I didn't really understand or know how to interpret what had just happened.. while thinking about this I turned of the sound on the tv and turned around because I wanted to give it another go I guess. Closing my eyes I started drifting away in a world of patterns, shapes sounds and a lot of vivid thoughts. I then again started flying through tunnels of some kind in my own body. I guess I was back on the way deep into my own mind. Maybe it was some kind of tunnels in my brain, I couldn't really control where I was flying either. I was just trying to think not to fight it and let the mushroom take over. Maybe because I was trying to fight it the first time I hit the door so hard and shot out of it. Anyways flying through the tunnels of my own brain or mind for again what seemed like hours I then again took a right turn at some point and hit the same door again. Exactly the same door I saw last time, same noise and same waking out of it with a panic like attack. Shocked and quite scared I didn't know anymore what was happening. And time was not passing either that what seemed like hours again was only 5 minutes.

12:20 am: I lit up a cigarette and turned the tv sound on. Trying to find some kind of reality to take my mind off of what had just happened. I started to watch tv and realised that nothing made sense and everything seemed not real on tv either. This is when I pretty much lost it and really started panicking. I got the telephone and called my trip buddy (who was at home and sober). I tried to explain what had just happened and he had to start calming me down. I didn't know what to do anymore. He then told me to get some food from downstairs and something to drink and just sit with him and talk. Which was probably the best thing that ever happened that night. I got a glass of milk and a piece of toast, knowing I was probably not able to eat anyways. Going downstairs I noticed that I could hardly walk. Talking to my trip buddy really helped a lot. At least what was going on in my mind. From the outside view of my room and how things have changed it didn't help at all. I was still having really really heavy time and visual distortion even seeing things that where not quite there. Lights and stuff like that.

1:00 am : At this point I was calmed down to a point where I was starting to be ok again and almost ready to be on my own.

1:30 am : I got myself another glass of milk and a hole bunch of cigarettes and sat in front of the tv. Hanging up the phone telling my buddy that I was alright and ok to be alone again. The effects started to were of at this point slowly really slowly things started making sense on tv.

2:00 am: Trying to get time to pass smoking one cigarette after another watching tv but laughing. I was just scared of falling back into the deep trance like state I was in earlier and hitting the closed door again. I tried to stay awake as long as I could. Watching tv at some point it happened again the sound and that feeling. This time it was a lot less harsh though. Just like a little rude wake up. But this time I wasn't in deep in the experience anymore. I shook it off and kept watching tv.

4:00 am: I think the effects where mostly gone. Just a slight after glow.

4:30 am: I think I am ready to go to sleep but kind of scared still of hitting something while drifting away. It was the most unpleasing thing or feeling I have ever felt really.

4: 45 am: Fell asleep, I guess.

All in all I have had a bad trip before. Walking out in public and getting lost. But this was way worse. The things that where in my mind where just really really weird and time would not pass. At this point I don't know when I will do mushrooms again but I do know I will never do them that unprepared and tired again. Oh and probably not alone. I think the door with the buzzing noise that I was talking about was maybe a door I could not open. That's probably the difference to really experienced users and me as a not that experienced user. Or maybe its just doors that real shamans can open. Or I might not even want to see what's behind it. It kinda freaks me out thinking what might have been if I would have opened the door.

Greets olli

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 71028
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Sep 30, 2022Views: 1,799
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Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Guides / Sitters (39), Mystical Experiences (9), Bad Trips (6)

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