Citation: Bill. "Addicted and Desperate to Quit: An Experience with Kratom (exp69080)". Erowid.org. Sep 18, 2014. erowid.org/exp/69080
I am a 50 year-old doctor who got sober in AA from alcohol and many other drugs in 1982. I have had 3 relapses, one after 6 years and one after 4 years, and the current one Iím in after 12 years. Each relapse happened after I had stopped going to meetings, and each was precipitated by directed use of a prescription pain killer. My relapses were all caused by keeping secrets. My story may or may not be applicable to non-alcoholic/addict users of Kratom. I can only speak for myself, and I have never, ever, ever been able to use ANYTHING in moderation.
I took Vicodin following elective plastic surgery in 2006. I had the prescription refilled. I then told the doc that it wasnít working so he gave me Percoset. Now I had three bottles. And since I always loved the feeling of valium with opiates I began taking that too. Of course, since everything was prescribed it was ok, right? Some time passed, and an acquaintance of mine told me that she didnít know what to do about her husband, he was addicted to Kratom. Having never heard of it before I listened earnestly, made sure I got the spelling right, and went home and ordered some. Since it is an herb and legal, it isnít using, is it?
I have always had a high tolerance, and my tolerance to Kratom very rapidly escalated, to where I could only take the super-enhanced stuff. I took 3-4 tablespoons of Ultra Enhanced Indio per day. After awhile, well, you already know the story, itís the typical addict story, the drug took over my life and I felt sick and depressed without it. I donít want to go out, my friends and patients ask me whatís wrong with me, I have no interest in sex, Iím going broke buying the stuff, and all I want to do all day is sleep.
Well, I could wait to hit a new bottom, but I already see it coming, and I donít want to go there. I hope I donít have to. Iím sick and tired of being sick and tired. I called my psychiatrist, who specializes in addictions and treated me after I got sober 12 years ago to see him asap, which will be Thursday. I want to do this on my own. My recovery person knows I canít. My addict says I donít have to, just cut down. I hope that I become willing to go to any lengths to beat this. I am willing to return to AA, but I am full of shame and pain.
The only times in my life I have ever felt truly happy and spiritually grounded were not simply the times I was clean/sober, but the times I was clean/sober AND an active participant in my recovery.
Wish me luck.
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