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Reality Was Torn, and My Mind Reborn
Mushrooms & Cannabis
by Jay
Citation:   Jay. "Reality Was Torn, and My Mind Reborn: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp66971)". Erowid.org. May 16, 2012. erowid.org/exp/66971

 
DOSE:
3.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
  1 bowl smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 260 lb


Last night, at approximately 6:30pm, I ate a sandwich containing magic mushrooms. I had no idea what I was getting myself into as this was my first experience with mushrooms.

Approximately 20-30 minutes in I left the main room in order to go to the restroom. I knew my state of mind was slightly off at this point. I found myself distracted by a bead door. I walked to it, and admired it, appreciating the beauty of what a door did. It held one thing out, but on that same note a door would also let many things in. I then realized that I could easily bypass this door by merging with it, and so I poked my head through. This act made me think I had entered a new world, as it was a part of the house I had never seen before. I had never ventured into this area because it was a room of someone else. Frankly, I had no business in there, but I felt the urge to peek in. I walked through the bead door at least 5 times before I realized just exactly why I had come to this new world that fascinated me so. I turned back and went into the bathroom.

At this point the visuals had not yet fully kicked in. I was getting a lot of mental. Everything was foreign to me and I merely wanted to observe that which I had seen a time and time again. While in the bathroom I became transfixed by a light. It seemed to be a melting globe of textured glass with a mysterious orb that allowed me to see inside. The light coming through the glass did wonders for the glasses texture and kept me mesmerized for a minute or so. I then went on about my business and peed, watching the water from me merge into the water that was already in the toilet. After this, I stood up to wash my hands and then I discovered the mirror.

Mirrors... I had never seen myself so clearly. At first I looked in the mirror and saw myself, but quickly the eyes changed. Mirror-me's eyes quickly turned dark and angry, yet I was still at a point where I realized what was happening and I paid no mind to it. I merely watched, knowing it was all just created by my own mind. As I watched the person in the mirror who was myself yet at the same time was not me, I truly began to think about myself. While gazing, transfixed in the eyes of this shape shifting being, I began to realize that the ways the faces changed still did not stray too far from my own. Perhaps my face would become more slender, for example. At this point I realized that I wasn't looking at myself, I was looking at time. That the mirror was the doorway to a world where I could see myself had my life gone differently.

As I began to reflect on how many other copies of me there were, all with different life experiences and probably personalities, I realized that while they were a counterpart to me, they were not me because I am me. I realize that last sentence is very choppy and strange, but I'm not sure how to explain becoming other people that are in fact you, but so far away from yourself because they are not you! Even now, after a good night of sleep it is a very difficult idea to convey. However, at this point in the trip I gazed into the mirror again and the evil eyes came back to the reflection and my face immediately morphed harder than it had before into that of a pig. I snapped my eyes away from the mirror and left the room.

At this point I adventured back into the main room where other people were. They were of no concern to me. I had nothing to say to any of them because I wanted to explore. I sat briefly and then adventured downstairs to the basement.

The basement was perhaps the most amazing part of my trip because of the sheer emotion that I felt. In the basement there are many strange things. For example, one of the residents has small skeleton toys looking as if they are climbing through the wall, and a large poster of Cthulu near them. All of these were stupid to me, because I had managed to see beauty. On a wall somebody drew the face of a woman. I stared at this face completely and utterly admiring her. It, at this point, had become a she to me. I tried to talk to her but she didn't respond to me. But, as I studied her closer I realized that she was sad. She was the saddest person I'd ever seen at that point, and all I wanted to do was to help her. I wanted to make her better because nobody should suffer like she was, trapped within the wall. I began to study her face more and then I truly locked eyes with her. Her eyes contained worlds. There was so much depth to her eyes, while each eye contained a window to a completely new world. I was amazed, and at this point I was connected with her. I realized I was an inch away from the wall, staring at her eyes while stroking the wall gently. I wanted to comfort her, and it was all I could do. I then heard people shuffling about upstairs and I went to be with people after saying my goodbyes to the wall.

I went back and I sat down for only moments until I was offered a car ride. At this point, both people tripping got up, along with our driver, and began to prepare to leave. At this point, the girl who I was tripping with came up to me and said something. I don't even remember what. It was inconsequential. I realized that she was the only one who could possibly help me at that moment because I had to help the girl in the wall.

'Come! The wall is sad! You have to see it! Help it!'
'The wall? That wall? These walls fuck with you'
'No, these walls are stupid walls, they are blank! Its the wrong wall! Just follow me!'

She begins to follow. We go down the stairs and turn the corner and I immediately point to the wall with the face drawn on it. She gazed at it, but she seemed to not appreciate it as much as I did. She later, after the trip, told me that at this point I was telling her that it was HER inside of the wall, when that was not what I was trying to tell her. There was another person in there.

We then were snatched away from the wall and adventured out for our car ride. We climb in the car and begin to move. Techno music was playing. I was enjoying it. In the song there was a small, German boy who would occasionally say something in German. I thought he was talking to me. He was leading me further into my trip. We made it to Taco Bell and food was picked up. At this point I was amazed that there were other people that their sole purpose was to give food! I had completely forgotten about the concept of money and to me these people lived within Taco Bell only to feed others. They became the Food-Givers to me. Then we were off. We adventured to a small service station in order to pick up cigarettes. While here, the German boy was again talking to me. Then the driver came back, and we left. That was when the song changed.

Suddenly it became very, very loud. At this point I was under the impression that I had been listening to the wall (aka where the speaker was. It was a wall to me) and I had heard its thoughts. I had gotten into the wall's head and it found out and suddenly it was angry with me and decided that it should punish me by yelling. I was frightened. I asked for the angry person to go away. They turned the music off. However, by this point I had been freaked out and my stomach began to churn. I realized what was happening. Then we made it back to the house we were at originally, I went inside, and then my hour(?) of hell began.

I went to the bathroom, and I went to the toilet. I threw up. I felt better! Then I moved! I felt worse. I knew that some were still in my stomach. I sat down by the toilet. I realized that until I finished throwing up that this was going to be a bad trip. There was no helping it. I sat by the toilet and began to trip hard after throwing up. There were lights everywhere. Patterns. Sounds, especially. Everything was terrible. I began to throw up more and more. Eventually I became incredibly hot. I was sweating profusely until someone found me on the floor of the bathroom, curled into a ball. They asked if I was OK. I said that I was, still feeling terrible. But it was too hot. Eventually, this girl left and someone else came in to check on me. I told him I needed water. He got me water. I believe I drank at least 3-4 Dixie cups full of ice cold water and then threw up again. Then I told him I was cooling down, and I was getting colder. He told me I would be fine again in a couple minutes. These few minutes felt like hours, but I was eventually able to leave the bathroom and go back to the sitting room with everyone else.

Everyone was glad to see that I was back and OK. I took a seat and began to think. At this point I pulled out a notebook and began to write. I had to figure out what time was, why it was, and where it was in order to find it and regain it. All I wanted was to have my sense of time back. This part was the most rewarding part of my trip. Some of my writings:

'I have seen worlds. I am a person? The world flows. I seem to follow. Even now I go inside to my own thoughts. Everything is meaningless to them. Even now this has been minutes and I have'

'Distracted! Dashed by fuzzies!'

'Time flows and time goes. Why is this profound?'

'Time was created for MEANING!'

All of these thoughts were me attempting to make up for the fact that time had been stripped from me. I realized just how much I rely on something that I have taken for granted since birth. I realized that time was created merely for meaning to our lives. Without time our lives are meaningless because there is no way to gauge our actions and accomplishments. I felt like a genius.

Then we went for a walk. As I stepped outside and breathed in the cold, night air suddenly everything was good again. My buddy tossed me a cigarette and we went on a walk. I'm not sure where we walked to, but I didn't care. I was outside. I was in the world. I felt reborn.

But, on that same note at this time I was emotionally dead. I questioned everything that happened, everything that was, everything. I had learned, during the terrible part of my trip that everything I was near I was going to have to question the validity of. It was a strange feeling, but over the course of the night I said that life, thoughts, everything... it was all whimsical. There really is no point to all of this. Existence. What is it? This was a very strange situation for me. We eventually went back to the house.

At this point, my trip was pretty much over. I sat and stared at my notebook drawing random figured. Occasionally having things smudge slightly while I was sketching. Everyone else in the room was watching 28 Weeks Later. I thought it was a very stupid movie. Completely pointless.

And that was my trip as best I can explain at the moment. I realized many things about myself, about my life, and about everything in general. For example, I no longer understand why people ponder the meaning of life. The meaning of life is the urge to exist through TIME. Time is the meaning behind life, as it is the driving force that creates people. The TRUE question people should be asking is not for the meaning of life, but the reason for sentience. Why do human beings and other animals work the way they do? We biologically just keep getting smaller and smaller. What makes us? That is the question.

It was definitely life changing.

Exp Year: 2007ExpID: 66971
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 16, 2012Views: 13,907
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Mushrooms (39) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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