Citation: Bum Style. "I Will Overcome: An Experience with Kratom (exp66214)". Erowid.org. Jan 9, 2011. erowid.org/exp/66214
I had my first experience with kratom about two years ago (or more, I've got a TERRIBLE sense of time), when I had just started a two-year education. By that time, I had decided to stop drinking due to all the problems it seemed to get me into, and therefore decided to smoke a lot of hash (I live in Denmark where hashish is the smoke of choice, much more so than weed/skunk) and befriend a lot of stoners which resulted in the fact that it was always available. By then I had begun to smoke excessive amounts of hash, just like I had been an excessive drinker the years before, and even though it made me indifferent and slow, it didn't seem to fuck me up in the same way that alcohol had done. I stand by this statement even today.
Somewhere along all of this, I started to get very interested in ethnobotany. I found a small smartshop in downtown Copenhagen where I ordered a variety of seeds for cultivation purposes (peyote, morning glory etc.) and even had a few cheeba plants in my parents garden. After a few frightening (yet interesting) experiences with HBWR and Morning Glory, I decided to not go further into the psychedelic realm. Then one time in the shop, I started asking what this kratom was about, since they had then recently launched a new batch of Thai leaves. The dude said it was very similar to opiates if taken in a high dose. I had already had an oxycodone experience which was real nice, so I thought why not?
The effects experienced that night were not strong (I only used half the baggie, about 3 tablespoons), yet I can vividly remember the nice relaxation that I had in my body and brain whilst watching Jaws 3 on the telly. THC gave me some very nice experiences too, but it always had hints of paranoia. This kratom shit was smooth and nice. That's when I decided to check into it more.
I was living at my parents place back then, so it didn't turn into the habit that it is today. But having it every Friday quickly became a must, maybe because it was the only real drug available that could chill me out (I've got this anxiety problem). Not only that, but it also gave me loads of ideas for the future and great things I could do and achieve in my life. I'd surf the net for hours checking things out, whether it be clothes or plants I could grow etc. The only thing that sucked about it was the awful hangovers I'd get the next time. I'd be drowsy, easily annoyed and sleepy.
Then I moved away from my parents home and got my own flat. That's when the shit went out of control. The first few weeks or months, I'd mainly drink and smoke dope. But after some fucked up experiences with booze and all the paranoia I got from smoking hashish (I got flashbacks from some bad bhang experiences), I started doing kratom on a hardcore level. I'd do it 3-4 times a week, all by myself, watching telly or something, and just feeling great. When under the influence of kratom, I could also smoke dope without getting paranoid. In fact, it is a great combination and these days I hardly drink kratom without smoking dope at the same time, and vice versa.
The problem was that I skipped school due to hangovers, or I'd be in school but I'd be careless about fucking everything. When having a kratom hangover, I would also be mean and agressive. So the last year I went in school, I'd talk shit and hate nearly everyone. I would easily get annoyed and then I'd just be careless of everyone, isolating myself from everyone and just doing the kratom/hash thing. Friends would detach from me due to my change in personality...all I'd ever talk about was fucking kratom, and when I DIDN'T have kratom I'd be all suicidal.
I was a poor student, and this habit was getting expensive. When I withdrew I was VERY depressed. I guess it figures-I had little or no friends, always arguing with my mom over my hash habit and lived utterly alone in this shitty little apartment with nothing to do and no hobbies (no internet, even). Add a drug withrawal problem to that, and everything seems utterly hopeless. The fact that I didn't eat much didn't better the situation. I'd compensate the lack of kratom with alcohol and hash, but quickly found out that this was pointless and only got me sicker. I also got hold of some dried poppies, but that's a different story altogether. Let me tell you this though, if I ever do that again it's going to be two or three times a year, since the withdrawal from that one is even worse.
I have now got a new apartment and a job. Things are going much better than the school years because I now have to take control over my actions AND I make lots more money. But the kratom thing is still going strong. I now use insane amounts of the stuff to get any effect, and even though I'm now a healthier person, I can clearly see the shit that it is doing to me. My brain capacity has slowed down remarkably (just writing things down is extremely hard for me, and I now have a hard time writing and talking English even though it has always been my strong side, in fact I was the best in every class at every school). I have also noticed physical side effects such as stomach cramps and constipation. Usually I'll buy a huge amount on Thursdays and Fridays, which will almost always be gone Sunday night. I use it about twice a day. Sometimes I puke, but not always as I have learned to be a little more careful. But it is a huge problem for me, in between having a job and wishing to spend my money on better things. As long as I'm on the hash/kratom habit, there is little I can achieve in my life that I'd want to.
We'll see what happens. After 4-5 days of no kratom, I start to feel better, but then the craving starts. Having no social life and a physically tedious job, it is hard to say no. Also because of the anxiety I have, which kratom seems to better a great deal. I know if I can overcome this, I know there's loads of things I can achieve.
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