Citation: TheSeaker. "Looking Into the Eyes of Insanity: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp64518)". Erowid.org. Mar 30, 2010. erowid.org/exp/64518
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Okay, so I guess you could say that I used to be quite the psychonaut. I was no stranger to doing drugs. At the time, I had already done acid probably about a hundred times, and I had eaten up to ten hits before and been just fine. I think that just goes to show how our minds react to psychedelics in different ways, without our control. I will say that I think that I learned a lot from acid, but I will also say that I also screwed my mind and soul up for the rest of my life. Ever since this horrible night, I have not been the same. It is something that I still think about and try to figure out to this day, even though there is nothing to figure out.
So anyway, it started out like many other Fridays for me, I went to school and by the end of the day, I had scored 2 hits acid from this chick that I knew usually had quality products. She called it white fluff, but to me, it just looked like the regular old white blotter that was so popular in s. fla. in the mid-90's. So after school, I went home, dropped off my backpack and proceeded to the bus stop where I would ride the city bus to my friends house about 30 miles away like I did every weekend. While I was on the bus, I decided to drop the acid. It was about a half-hour ride to the mall, where I had to transfer to another bus. It was while sitting at the mall, waiting for the bus that I noticed it taking effect. I was looking out into the parking lot and I saw some cars begin to stretch and bend. Ahhh, now that's what I was waiting for.
So the bus arrived and I hopped on, still feeling pretty mellow. For the next 20 minutes or so, it was rather mild, I could hear everyone on the bus talking, and I would hear everything they were saying. It was not until I got to my destination bus stop that it really hit me. As I stepped off the bus, as soon as I walked out into the late afternoon sun, it was like walking into another world. Colors were radiating from everything. Cars driving by had trails that seemed to go on forever. Now I knew I was finally tripping. As I was walking to my friend V's house, my mind was racing, going from one thing to another, all kinds of crazy thoughts manifesting themselves, which I knew was normal, I had been there before. Then all of a sudden, I found myself saying, 'No, Iím not going to go on a bad trip tonight.' I had never had a thought like this while tripping, and it kind of alarmed me, but I tried to put it away and think of something else.
I got to V's house and no one was home. I decided to wait, because I knew they would be home soon. I sat in a lounge chair on the side of his house and watched the colors swirl and bend and spiral into infinity. I felt strange, quite different, like something big was about to happen, and I didn't know why.
He finally got home and he had just come from the dentist and was all fucked up on vicodin, talking slowly, and to me, in my acid drenched mind, he was slurring his speach and I couldn't understand what the hell he was saying. We went inside began watching tv. The show that was on that night was called Strange Luck, and this particular episode was about this little black cube that everyone wanted, but when they got it, all kinds of bad things would happen to them. Needless to say, this was not the right show to watch.
I asked V to smoke a bowl with me, thinking it would calm me down. Boy was I wrong. With every toke I took, the world got more and more unnoticable. I had to get up to get something to drink, and on my way to the fridge, I thought I noticed that every move I was making, every step I took, was exactly what was happening on the tv. I began to think that v was fucking with me. I knew he was really good with computers and I began thinking he was some sort of computer wizard and he had me in some sort of virtual reality computer game. This is when it all started going WAY downhill.
V could see I was getting a little edgy, so he asked if I wanted to go to Bo's house down the street (Bo was an older guy in his late 20's at the time and he was our mentor in these areas). I said yes, because I knew he would know how to make it all better. We walked outside and into the street, as soon as we began walking in the direction of bo's house, this huge pickup truck drove by us and for some reason, it really freaked me out. I looked down at the ground and I could see the ground moving by under my feet, but when I looked up, I was not moving, I felt I was going nowhere. At this point I could tell that I could not distinguish reality. I looked a V and grabbed hold of him to make sure he was real, I told him to just take me back to V's house over and over again (I thought he was a cop and he was leading me into a trap). I guess I kind of scared him and he though I was going to hit him, so he turned and took off.
So here I am, in the middle of the street, out of my mind, and my best friend/cop/narc just went running back to his house. At this point I have no idea where I am, nothing looks familiar, and begin to think Iím dreaming, some sort of nightmare. So I ran over to the side of some strangerís house and laid down in the grass, thinking that if I went to sleep, I would wake up in my bed, and it would all be over.
Boy was I wrong. As I was laying in the grass, I could actually feel hands coming up from the ground trying to pull me down. I thought that these were demons and they were trying to pull me into hell. I could hear this strange music, sounded like out of tune violin strings mixed with fingernails running down a chalkboard. I got up and went and sat down on the curb in front of these people's house. I thought I had finally lost my mind. I could see myself locked up in the looney bin, with a straight jacket and all. It was at this time that the people whose house I was sitting in front of came home. They drove up and I immediatly walked up to their car and asked them to roll their windows down. I could see the look in their faces and they were terrified. Understandable I suppose. I told them I had taken too much acid and I needed to go to the hospital. I asked them to call 911 and my mom.
So Iím standing outside their house as they go inside, completly flipping out. I gave them my phone # and they called my mom. I heard them say that I could come inside and talk to my mom. I got on the phone and was screaming to my mom 'Mom, I have no idea whatís going on!! I can't tell whatís real and whatís not!!' She asked me if one of the girls were there (one of the girls that had called her) and I took this to mean that I was in a whore house and my mother knew these people and she was a prostitute. I dropped the phone and just began screaming and crying because I had no idea what was going on. I thought my mom was a prostitute, that I had been abducted by aliens and this was some kind terrible mind experiment, and somehow I was set up to all this.
Just then I notice lights flashing outside and I hear a voice on a megaphone saying come outside now. I replied that I didn't know where the door was, and I didn't. The voice said to follow the voice. So I did and it lead me outside. As soon as I walked out the door, there were what looked like 20 cops standing there, all with their guns pointed at me screaming 'GET ON THE GROUND RIGHT NOW!!!!' I was happy to reply and I dropped to the ground. They cuffed me and threw me into an ambulance.
As soon as I was thrown into the ambulance I began to feel like everything was going to be ok. I was still on a trip, and I was scared as shit, but I knew that I was going somewhere safe. In the ambulance, a cop was in there asking me all kinds of questions which I didn't understand. I could hear him, understood the words he was saying, but I had no idea what he was saying. Very strange. All I could see was his head floating around the ambulance in a white fuzz. For most of the trip to the hospital, I just laid there staring at everyone who tried to talk to me. I didn't say a word and I couldnít understand why so many people were inside the ambulance, even tho all I could see was one face at a time, floating around in space.
I arrived at the hospital and they must have shot me up with something because I all of a sudden felt like I was floating on a cloud and I was very calm. My mom made everything better, even tho I still thought she was a prostitute and she looked like a zombie, my mom made me realize that everything was going to be okay. I stayed at the hospital I guess until my pupils stop dilating because they were shining that damn light in my face every 2 minutes it seemed like. On the ride home, as I was finally coming to, I asked my mom if any of it was real. I was somewhat back to normal now, but everything I went through still seemed so real.
I was not right for some months afterward. It took me years to get to the point where I didn't think about it every day. I still to this day, wonder if there really was something deeper to what happened to me that night. I still wonder if I was part of some sort of experiment, simply because it was so real, and I still remember everything clearly, as if it happened yesterday.
I do know, however, that this is the nature of psychedelics. We start the journey in search of some sort of deeper knowledge, to open our minds, or to have a spiritual experience, only to find ourselves opening pandora's box, and unleashing our worst nightmares into reality. I did acid a couple times afterward, but every time, I had to fight to stay sane. It was a struggle just to keep myself from going over the edge. I finally decided that it was not worth the mental pain anymore and stopped. I haven't done acid in 9 years now, and although I still find myself wanting to catch a glimpse of the beauty that I once knew, I am always reminded of the horrible nightmare of that fateful night.
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