Citation: Baker. "Endorphins at Their Most Profound: An Experience with Oxycodone, Diazepam & Cannabis (exp58905)". Erowid.org. Feb 27, 2007. erowid.org/exp/58905
This was set out as a mild experiment for a better understanding of the substance oxycodone but also as a way of achieving a euphoric state of mind, but turned out being more profound then expected.
About 2 days before the experience I had consumed a 20mg oxycontin for what was my first opiate experience in a while, with practically no tolerance, so I was quite inebriated for that whole day. However the experience appeared to be lacking the traditional insightful euphoria that I've come to associate with low dose codeine experiences.
Instead of entering an uplifting mindstate, I just felt physically comfortable and spent most of the day just laying in bed half awake, half asleep, finding it difficult to appreciate music and pay attention to things that required more effort then laying down with my eyes closed. I found some ash ra tempel to be particularly fun as I searched through my music collection for something that was appropriate, that would aid the opiate high rather then sound abrasive. The experience was nothing special, and I knew that now I would have to experience withdrawals and wondered why I participated in such an experiment out of boredom.
So anyway the next day I did a fairly hefty amount of exercise as I knew this as a form of releasing natural endorphins as to combat withdrawals. It didn't really feel fatigued until the following day, which I then decided to work out with some more heavy exercise through dancing. The muscle fatigue felt somewhat similar to the pain I get after opiates, like a kind of nauseating pain, that doesn't so much feel like lethargy, but like there is some toxin in the muscle that just doesn't quite agree with my body and as result, aches in this weird vaguely uncomfortable fashion.
So understanding I was experiencing some mild withdrawals I decided to consume about a ¼ of an oxycontin pill (5mg). So I crushed it up and snorted a little white powder and separated the coating from the pink coating from rest of the pile and ate that too. My intentions were to bring on the euphoria that a user associates with the treatment of pain, the treatment of opiate sickness is what makes it's pull so appealing. It never feels like the initial use of an opiate is that great, it's when I return that the roller-coaster of endorphins as the body starts associating it's endorophins with the binding agent rather then a natural production of them. So I get that roller-coaster like effect, endorphins are no longer on a constant, they fluctuate according to my own decisions about when and how much opiates to consume, rather then the amount of socialising, exercise or food one consumes.
So anyway, within an hour I was feeling quite sedated, only again still not quite as euphoric as I'd like, the sedation felt quite like a mental sedation and there wasn't so much of a physical euphoria as I'd expected. Perhaps oxycodone is a more mental high then perhaps say morphine. So I decided to add 5mg of valium to the mix, which definitely boosted the combination along as I left my bedroom and decided to sit in the bath.
Laying in the warm water I almost forgot I was there. It was a truly self indulgent nirvana like state, becoming one with my surroundings by my minds lack of desire to associate myself with them. I was on the phone to a friend of mine during my time in the bath, and I'm not quite sure what was said during the time, but I felt an intense emotional attachment to them, like a warmth and belonging that rose from my chest. Understanding that there are socially based endorphins and exercise (physical) based endorphins, it only makes sense that muscle fatigue and social release go hand in hand for achieving states of euphoria.
I eventually got out of the bath as the valium was taking full effect and headed downstairs. I got online while I decided to light up about half a cone (or bowl) of cannabis and held it in tight as to not let any smoke/smell out. This combination is what created one of my most intense opiate experiences I have ever had, and I have done a range of opiates (codiene, dihydrocodeine, morphine, fentanyl, poppy tea, and of course oxycodone). Typically I have always found codeine to be my favorite as it's mild and lets me still associate myself with my surroundings enough to learn from them while still associating them with an intense euphoria.
Cannabis was the part that brought out the true intensities of this experience as I spoke to my partner online. We discussed my situation of short unemployment (been unemployed for about a month and a half) and my situation with parents and how they were treating me, and everything else that needed attention at this point in my life. The thing that really hit me about this experience, was that it was a stern conversation, I wasn't told the comforting things that make one feel better about the situation. I was told the cold hard truth.
No one has truly ever tried to be that motivational with me before, people usually come to me to hear it from me, or they give in to easily and try to say whatever they can to cheer me up. They sugar coat things, and I HATE sugar coating. It gets me no where. I like to hear things in black and white, if I performed badly at something I want to know! This is how I grow at my abilities, it sucks that so many people don't have the confidence to tell people like it is sometimes, they tell people the cake tastes good, because they don't want to offend someone, or the reverse they'll try to offend them because they feel bad about themselves.
My dad often gives me shit about my life, and the choices I make because I know he's not happy himself. But my partner was being honest with me, and it was so emotionally uplifting that I began to cry. Tears of joy ran down my face as I felt one of the most intense emotional connections I have ever felt with someone and it all happened through an online conversation, which many would consider void of emotion, but perhaps that's just it, the words created such an intense emotion within myself. A creative emotional attachment, to my own fantasies and imaginations that I was somehow able to associate simple words of a familiar character and turn them into a profoundly uplifting state. So for those out there who say the internet is void of expression, I concur as interpretation is never void of emotion. Sometimes we laugh in states of fear and confusion, and sometimes we cry in states of joy and understanding.
The funny thing was, as emotionally charged as the advice made me feel, when I thought about undergoing the advice given, apathy began flooding through my system. 'Yeah. I think I'll wait till Monday to do that, as I'll be hungover tomorrow and I have put out a lot of applications, so it's not like it's that much of a serious situation”. I thought to myself.
The next day however, I did get off my arse, and made about $40 helping someone move something and then meeting up with my friends in the city feeling exceptionally ecstatic. Displaying more eccentricities then ever and talking excessively. I had experienced something truly profound and traditionally being a lover of psychedelics, I have to admit that the experience really did move me.
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