Citation: Morninggloryseed. "Merging Of Souls: An Experience with Ketamine & Cannabis (exp58371)". Erowid.org. Dec 26, 2006. erowid.org/exp/58371
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September 10th 2005
45mg ketamine hcl
It has been well over a year since I have taken any ketamine. My opinion on this remarkable substance is that the experience it produces is very useful for those who explore altered states of consciousness. My ketamine experiences have been enriching, insightful, and even life-changing. However, I do feel its usefulness can be limited. Since my first couple of “K-Hole” experience, most of my trips since then with ketamine have been ‘more of the same.’ With other entheogens I still find magic and newness with them every time I go back.
But I will also acknowledge that I have used more than a fair bit of ketamine in my day, and not always for the right reasons. There is some truth to ketamine being a sort of, ‘”psychedelic heroin.” It is quite likely that this ‘abuse’ a factor in me not finding ketamine to be as insightful and useful as I once did.
Yesterday however, I had a special and remarkable experience with a very small amount of the substance, and I do want to share the story. I obtained a new supply of ketamine, a sealed pharmaceutical vial. My love and I decided to be bold, we would try a small ‘recreational’ dosage of ketamine just because we could. Forty-five milligrams was taken by intra-muscular injection. Neither of us expected anything profound. Both of us had used this dosage before, and find it well below what is needed to produce a “K-hole.” Immediately after the injection I went to brush my teeth, while my partner rolled us a joint.
Within three minutes we both felt a powerful wave pass over. A humming noise (somewhat similar to the buzz of an air conditioner) was apparent. The body felt heavy like stone, and I lay across the middle of the bed glancing at my fish tank with wide-open, glazed, and staring eyes. Things became blurry, and wobbly, and I had to keep one eye closed in order to focus.
At about ten-minutes after the injection, I lost track of everything. At some point I found myself lying next to my love. She was holding me, and I was stroking her hand and arm. Soon I felt myself being “pulled away.” At this point, I was still aware of having taken ketamine, and was absolutely shocked at how strong the effects were. Then in an instant later, I was gone.
It is difficult to recall all of the details with what happened next. It is even more difficult to accurately portray were our minds traveled to. I remember thinking of my current situation in life, and my feelings for my partner. As I thought of her, she held on to me more tightly.
Suddenly, I felt as though our thoughts, feelings, and experiences were being exchanged with each other. Almost like two computers sharing files over the internet. At this point, everything was immersed into bright white light. All awareness of my body, surroundings were lost, and I “forgot” I was tripping on ketamine.
As for what was going on in my “mind” at the time I can say this, One’s heart is filled with such strong emotions for their partner that must be expressed. But sometimes it is difficult.
One tells their partner every day that they are loved like no other. One does everything possible to make the other know they are the most special human in the world. But one sometimes wonders if their partner really knows.
In the beginning of the experience, we were two computers connected through cyberspace. Now we were one being. We were one soul, with two physical extensions to experience. And she knew and experienced what I felt, and I knew and experience what she felt.
For the first time in what seemed like a long time it seems I finally knew that my love truly understood the gravity and depth of my love for her. As this was happening, she held me even tighter and I suddenly became aware of my body again, and remembered that we had taken ketamine. I looked deep into her eye, leaned forward, and kissed her third eye.
I asked my partner what she experienced. She said our souls merged, and we became one being. I asked her if she knew now how I felt, and she did. She told me she knew how much I loved her. We looked deep in each others eyes, knowing that we both had unconditional love and devotion to the other. I looked at the clock, and about thirty minutes had gone by since we first took the injection.
We were both in a state of extreme afterglow. The nature of this trip reminded me of the 5-MeO-DMT “white-light” experience, more so than a typical “k-hole.” I should also add that my partner commented on experiencing white light before I mentioned this to her. There was a feeling of peace, oneness with each self, each other, and warm, cosmic joy of knowing all is well and in harmony.
Usually with ketamine, I feel nauseous and wobbly after the major effects are over. This time, we both felt great and got up to enjoy the evening sky. Both of us rated the experience as a “plus-four” as defined by Dr. A. Shulgin. This was a blessed, rare, and special event, I consider it a gift.
I do believe our ‘minds’ were connected in some sense during this experience. If anything, it was especially unique that we both had such strong reactions to just forty-five milligrams of ketamine, and experienced such similar events. Neither of us are strangers to this drug, or that dosage. And neither of us had yet ever obtained something so powerful and meaningful from ketamine with such a small dosage.
I don’t doubt that skeptics will dismiss all of this talk of ‘telepathy’ as just the crazy thoughts of minds under the influence of a powerful, dissociative drug. And that is fine because I am not interested in converting skeptics. But it is just remarkable that that the dosage of ketamine we decided to try on a spur or the moment whim could induce such a rare and profound state with both of us.
For this, I feel it is worth recording the journey for the archives. This experience just furthers my belief that when it is your “time,” things will happen regardless of the chemical, route, or dosage taken. Why? Everything happens for a reason.
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