Citation: e1. "For Recycling into Something Meaningful: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp58070)". Erowid.org. Apr 16, 2007. erowid.org/exp/58070
We had arranged a night of shrooms. A night of exploration. But who are we? We are the imaginers - We are the discoverers. We are, the astronauts of the un-physical world, charting the un-charted, and catching glimpses of that which can never be found. Only experienced.
Steve – The doer. Long-time friend and purveyor of a game only he understands. He is a master of the spontaneous, shaving his head, piercing himself, inventing new music. Always pushing his limits.
Mikael - The wise. Also long-time friend and companion. Mikael is known by many names, by many people, always seeing things that most of us only hear. He has shown me much and more.
AJ – The anomaly. AJ himself, is an expression of the indefinable in this world. He will always be bending the rules out of shape, deliberately horrifying you, just to appreciate the beauty of it.
Alex – The undiscovered. A friend in a sea of possibility, he is a misunderstood explorer of realities. His mission – to boldly go where no mind has gone before, and explore the future of human psyche.
Tom – The logical. Rational, calculating and theoretical. Tom had yet to try shrooms before this night, but he has be known to have a high tolerance to hallucinogens. Either way I’m sure he already had a simulation of what would happen to himself in his mind.
Max – The free spirit. Wherever there is insanity. He is there wherever there are drugs. He is there. Wherever there is a night to be had. He is there. A dying breed of people. Those who are true to themselves, and don’t give a fuck what you think.
I was admiring Alex’s collection of cacti from my chair as him and Tom disappeared to prepare a Jay for us all. He had them arrayed along a ledge next to one of the four speakers that had been placed strategically in the conservatory we were situated in. The conservatory had a number of casual chairs around a table in the center of the room, which held a number of incense and candles. A big shiny balloon, styled like a colorful fish hovered in a corner of the room which would be quite interesting to look at when high. Alex also had his laptop set-up in the corner of the room with a wide variety of eclectic electronic music prepared. I myself had just returned from a solo mission to get food from the local chippy, the journey being short and uneventful, except for a drunken guy who spoke in tongues. Me and Mikael enjoyed our cheese & onion pasties as Steve enjoyed his bags of chips. We all happily munched away to build up some stamina for what was to come.
Tom and Alex returned with a special Jay in hand. This one had a mixture of sativa and indica draw inside it, and on top of that the rizla had been smeared with BHO solution (Butane Honey Oil. A form of THC extraction). Excellent. We smoked it outside and admired the night sky as the high properly set in. It was excitingly daunting to think that however incredibly high we all were now it was going to get a lot more interesting once the shrooms took affect. We hadn’t even ingested them yet.
Finishing up outside we returned in to chillout to some mellow electronica that Alex had playing on his laptop and generally just unwound for a time. It was a good preparation before taking the shrooms, we were all in very nice mindsets. Coming up to twelve we decided it was time to measure up, so the scales (of justice) were brought downstairs on a covert operation not to wake Alex’s parents. After everyone decided their dose individually on paper, we weighed up and divided. I was the first to consume.
Myself and Alex took to the kitchen, I had chosen to drink my dose crushed up in water. A simple yet effective method. We both carefully crumbled the dry substance with our fingers into the cup of water. It was like a ritual, we were both very engrossed and grinning to one another. Once it was done, it was done. I downed the glass and made sure that no trace of shrooms remained. That was it, no turning back now. Alex gave me an impressed grin before we headed back to the conservatory and rejoined the group. The usual elation at “no turning back” was tingling in my stomach, I felt a tiny bit hyper yet coolly relaxed at the same time. I was keen not to anticipate the effects in detail (or at all for that matter) as I was sure they would come to me. They always do.
Skip ahead 15/20 minutes
Now I’m pretty sure that the inflatable fish is gradually growing bigger. I know it’s not really happening but I can see happening. It’s like those 3D illusion books where you have to do some shit with your eyes, except here I just have to look at it. It’s there. Doing it. Inflating in front of me.
I subconsciously noticed a small grin on my face was beginning to widen, and this was gooooood. We were sat at the table still, listening to music and commenting on trivialities and inflatable fish. Mikael asked me if I was tripping to which I added “Sort of, but not really” – he seemed neutral to this.
Another 30 minutes and everything is slowly becoming different – but nothing is changing. Everything is in the same place, only the context is slightly shifting. I am laughing at the wrong moments and smiling at nothing. Steve has become the re-animator (whatever that is) and Tom is now, well.. Tom is still Tom. But he is becoming Tom. As opposed to the much more Tom that he usually is. Yes, the fish is definitely growing bigger, almost touching the ceiling now and it’s doing it on purpose! It knows I’m laughing at it and it’s trying to make a joke out of things. Heheh, yeah fish I admit it, your pretty damn funny!
Max arrived sometime after 12:00 I believe, and AJ, Mikael, Steve and Tom still havn’t properly come-up on their shrooms yet. Neither had I, but I was definitely getting the former effects. The music was revealing hidden meaning, stuff that had gone under my sober radar. Now and again a wave would wash over me and everything would lose context hilariously, making me laugh for (no) reason. From this point on I have no idea who came-up on what. I was still fortuitously high on weed on top of the shrooms and had entered the zone. At some point there was a moment of silence inside myself. Like the wave when it recedes back from the shore, and a bigger, much larger wave begins it’s rumbling approach. I could feel something coming. My heart beated faster and faster. It could feel it too. It happened - I sharply inhaled – hit by a bodily rush. I will try and compare it to using an inhaler (for asthma), yet almost ethereal. It was very short, a quick moment. Bah. A poor description, ignore it.
I was up, that was fact. I wasn’t anywhere new. I was still in my surroundings with AJ, Max, Alex, Mikael, Steve and Tom. The music was still playing. It was still night. The room was still the same size and the fish was bobbing around somewhere. But I was certain of it all.
It was time to go outside. The sky was opaque tonight. No questionable clouds. A few stars glimmered silent, knowingly. Alex had a really nice garden actually. A good space to explore, I wandered around and looked at the plants growing. Nothing special, just some shrubs or something. Looking up out of his garden was like regarding the rest of the planet and the void of space. It was peaceful, but grand. Just standing in the humble garden was grand. By now AJ, Steve, Alex, Mikael and Steve had definitely come-up at least a little. Asking Tom any questions about his feelings resulted in a “I….don’t….know….” to which he stared off in another direction. Interesting.
We were all riding a current of awe, it was a light, tangible thing. I could touch it with my ideas, I could hear it in other peoples’ and I could feel it when I shared it with others. I could see it bloom in people’s eyes when they discovered something beautiful from within. For me, this was not selective. If I felt someone was tuned into the flow, they tuned me in too! And this went for everyone. Sometimes, I might lose that connection, and I became unsure of what I felt, but then someone approaches me and reveals I've been thinking in the wrong place!
For a time, we sat and studied the visualizations on Alex’s laptop. The visuals themselves danced a story of evolution. The music played the atmosphere and the visuals translated. This is hard to describe, but once you immersed your peripheral vision in it, it was all clear. Indefinable. Always morphing itself into something ever new, infinitely. I think, as someone always musing and thinking on the profound in life – this was greatly pleasing, relaxing and therapeutic. I have never sought the answers in life to find them specifically, but because I enjoy the process. The reality is in the visualizations. There is no defining answer, no be-all end-all to the possibilities. This would destroy so much. So to see this model on-screen, playing to music was it.
I remember watching various videos on YouTube through Alex’s laptop. Steve showed me a special intro of one of the many “Simpson” episodes. This one in particular, once all the characters were seated on the couch, the camera zoomed into one of Homer’s hairs, then zoomed out, then zoomed out of the room, then zoomed out of the house, then zoomed out into Springfield, then zoomed out of the country, then zoomed out of the planet, then zoomed out of the solar system, then zoomed out of the galaxy, then zoomed out of MANY galaxies, then zoomed out of the universe, then zoomed out of a genetic pattern outside of the universe, then zoomed out into a bigger genetic pattern within the smaller one. This went on, zooming out and out – until, the multi-universal all encompassing fabric of existence zoomed back out of the hair on homers head from which we began.
AND IT MADE SENSE
I remember taking a piss outside in a bush, and realizing how much I enjoyed creative writing. The entire night had played out in my head as I made and chose decisions. I was living out my imagination. Something I will always be thankful for. Of course, what better way to live your life? Writing about experiences like these and journeying to new ones. Something changed in me at that moment, with my trousers down in a bush. Something profound. The absurdity of, I could only help but laugh in my bush. After realizing a part of my future that really could be a calling.
I re-joined my friends and ate some peanuts. Crunchy. The electronica was still flowing like wine. Something I savored at every selective opportunity. We listened to “Royksopp” for a time and the vocals sang of “A hiiiger plaaace…” with no coincidence to our present state. I sat and mused on myself musing. It was introspection on my introspection. Then I realized the entire series of events since taking shrooms had been a selection of choices presented to me at critical and un-critical times.
“It’s a game… It’s all a game!” I exclaimed to everyone with glee. Everyone slowly looked at me neutrally. There was no reaction to what I said, silence. Only curiosity at my words. I knew what I was talking about. Hell if they did and hell if it mattered. I talked with Alex for a while about reality, realities and the endless possibilities of what could be and what couldn’t. It was a discussion we took pleasure in exhausting, because the nature of the conversation was infinite. After which, I stared at the visuals on the laptop some more before I felt my vision begging for mercy. “I’m burning my eyes out.” I thought. Standing up and heading outside.
Mikael, for some reason, wasn’t fully feeling his shrooms (or so he told me). He looked uncertain, a little confused. I believed he was simply trying too hard. He needed to flow. “I’m… not sure where I am in reality?” he tried to phrase it to me. What the feeling was. I have enjoyed countless conversations with this guy. A very close friend. Our talks are often very personal to one an other. So I changed my stance to that of our usual conversations. I went to his level.
“What?, are you too close? Or too far away?” I phrased it back to him. Trying to use rhetoric he and I were familiar with. A smile slowly bloomed on his face, a spark ignited in his eyes. Now he’s seen it. I beheld raw inspiration in its most majestic form. He tried for words for a moment. “I… I dunno. I feel weird?” he answered my question. We both grinned to each other before he headed back inside, re-attuned to the flow.
Max was pissing about in the garden. As usual. I approached him in our traditional manner which was to greet each other with random names and titles. Sometimes a cockney accent is included (he’s much better at it than I). We both pissed about in Alex’s garden, doing whatever felt necessarily random. This then became a game. A game to see who could out-random the other person, and we are both guru’s at this game. Several minutes passed as we acted out nonsense, jumped in bushes and rolled around in the mud. It was fast paced and ludicrous. There were no turns, no rounds, no rules. It was all in the moment. Mutual.
I was on top of my game by pretending the washing line was a zip-line. Oh he liked that one. He came right back with this fucking amazing dance under the local tree. The man had me in hysterics, but we weren’t done yet. I joined him under the tree where we explored the bark and whispered more nonsense to each other, sniggering and holding back the laughter. I don’t know how it started, maybe as an influx of creativity, a wave of idea. Suddenly, I began wording gibberish, nonsensical noise and laughter. Max was certainly finding it as hilarious as I was. It was a constant stream of noise, words and laughter that came to me on the spot. As soon as it entered my mind I spoke it (or it came out of my mouth) until the absurd humor hijacked everything and all I could do was laugh out a torrent. I fell to my knees in the midst of laughter, rolling around like a mad-man to truly express the nature of what I was feeling. Max was in tears. It only lasted about a minute in total but it was fucking amazing.
After I and Max had calmed down I found Steve stargazing on the grass. I sat with him for a bit and lost myself in the sky. It was gorgeous. I found a new peace in myself and thought about how I could apply these calmer, healthier ways of thinking into my everyday life. I could almost describe it as a “super-common sense” if I dared. A lengthier description would probably elaborate but not here. Steve told me he hadn’t really felt the shrooms that much, but he seemed content with the atmosphere. I was on the plateau now, a new calm beset me, like I had finished reading an amazing picture book.
The rest of the night left me in good spirits. We generally laid back and let all of what happened earlier on sink in and digest. Alex’s laptop was quietly playing warm chillout, the visualizations serene and simple. I hadn’t noticed how cold it actually was before I bumped into the small heater squatted in a corner of the conservatory. I promptly made a snug of cushions there and curled up next to it. Everyone told me I would burn, but I knew better.
I dazed for what seemed like an eternity, not quite asleep and not quite awake. I could still hear everything around me. Everyone regarded me as sleeping, which put me in a great opportunity to eavesdrop on my comrades. Tom believed he still hadn’t tripped properly (he never does) and was adamant that we should all light up another joint. Alex was busy clearing up and trying to find his camera (poor guy) and Steve was asleep in the next room. I drifted in and out of consciousness, strange and meaningless images came and went. I vaguely recall hearing Mikael huskily say
“…I think we should take some more drugs…” In that “Fear and Loathing” kind of way.
Eventually, we were able to get ourselves together and moving again. The conservatory was a result of a night of shrooms (it was a mess) and we were all ready to sleep out the weekend. Max had drunken half a bottle of “Pissasununga” whatever the hell it was. It smelt strong. I still have the bottle. Mikael was after another joint before we left. I managed to convince him against it, as it was 4:00am in the morning, and I had work in five hours. In the end, we walked all the way back to our respective areas. We were hoping to get busses and trains, but they failed us both. The journey back took about 2 precious hours, which didn’t leave me much time for rest. But boy was it worth it. And I was left with a new void inside me to fill with ideas, thoughts, feelings. Stuff from my everyday life. The good, the bad and the ugly. It can all be recycled into something meaningful and positive.
Until next time,
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center for permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.