Citation: JerryMeditator. "Suffering and Love: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp58006)". Erowid.org. Dec 12, 2006. erowid.org/exp/58006
Bear with me. This experience is open for interpretation, but I hope you'll be receptive to how I've decided to interpret it. My hope is that other people may achieve a similar experience, or at some level relate to my experience.
Let me start with as brief of a introduction as possible. My 1st experience with mushrooms opened me up to a whole new world. This inspired the following two years of my life, which were spent reading as much as I could including philosophy, physics, psychology, and religion. I soon found myself with a firm grasp of numerous perspectives, including understanding the profound implications of quantum physics. Coupled with my understanding of eastern religions, mainly Buddhism, I saw myself turn away from a scientific reductionism/atheistic point of view to a view that encompassed both science and spirituality.
I wished to establish and maintain a strong and committed meditation regimen, knowing that through this, possibly with the aid of psychedelics I may find a further understanding of what spirituality really meant, and what its implications meant for my life. However, procrastination, lack of focus and a sterile motivation got the best of me. I then came across an ad for meditation classes, lead by a Buddhist nun. I quickly joined and needless to say my life took a sharp turn upwards.
I honed my meditation skills throughout the next few months, training up to a skill I would consider intermediate. After a very long wait/search I came across a significant amount of LSD. Having heard about the correlation between the LSD experience and the “spiritual” experiences of mystics, I was eager to try it out with meditation. My first few experiences with LSD I couldn’t keep focused enough to meditate, however, felt a very strong “opening of the heart”, emotions took on new meanings as they seemed to permeate every atom of my existence. Both thoughts of joy and sorrow seemed to take over my entire being. This furthered my belief in karma, which before, I meet with great skepticism. I felt the implications of negative and positive actions that would effect my mental continuum. I also experienced “infinity”, and came to the realization that my life was a very small part in something that existed everywhere and forever. This all lead up to the most profound experience I’ve had in my life.
One uneventful weekend I found myself with the opportunity to experiment further with LSD, but having done so the last 3 weekends I decided to take a break and cook up a little marijuana butter. I then decided to meditate after getting very LSD like effects (flashback?) from my consumption of the butter. I soon found myself in one of the deepest meditations I’d ever had experienced.
I felt the awareness of my mind “expand”, and all other body sensations dim down. I felt my consciousness unifying with everything around me. At first this startled me. I abruptly stopped, briefly, I reoriented myself and began meditating again. I again fell into a very deep meditation with the same sensations. I focused harder and remained in this state for a few minutes stopping again, exhausted.
I began to contemplate the great suffering that exists in the world. The image of a small child crying over a family members untimely death arose in my mental awareness. I became overwhelmed with emotion, the child’s sorrow, and the sorrow of all beings that experience suffering, made my heart shudder. I began crying uncontrollably, my heart seemed to open up and embrace the unbearable depths of sorrow, suffering and pain that all living beings experience.
After a few minutes my tears began to subside, the image of the Buddhist nun I attend classes with arose in my awareness. I smiled at the thought of the warm embrace and facial expression she would greet me with. Her only desire to relieve all living being of their suffering. The images of the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa arose, and the thought of their absolute selflessness towards humanity caused my heart to swell. I beamed with a sense of pure bliss and admiration.
I came to the realization that the love that they embodied, the unconditional love similar to that of a mother towards her child was, divine. Through there actions they were as close to “the creator”, “god”, “infinite consciousness” (however you choose to view it), as any human being could be. God (for lack of a better term) WAS love. I realized that my only aspiration was to become more like these figures, embracing, embodying and sharing this love. For only unconditional (non-romantic) love can bring true happiness to ones life, and bring them closer to the “divine”.
I’ve spared those reading of further opinions and perspectives I have on this in hopes that I retain the neutrality of this report, and inspire others to find their own answers. I hope that this may be that extra push towards a spiritual practice for those still unsure, or even those completely unconvinced.
May your path be guided by love, openness, curiosity and perseverance.
Thank you for reading.
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