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Love, Life, Spirit, Completely Reformed
LSD & Cannabis
by Mcbibble
Citation:   Mcbibble. "Love, Life, Spirit, Completely Reformed: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp56654)". Erowid.org. Dec 19, 2008. erowid.org/exp/56654

 
DOSE:
1 hit oral LSD (blotter / tab)
    repeated smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 155 lb


Some background:

Having read extensively on the web and in lots of other books about every aspect of LSD's effects, and also having talked to a lot of people who used it successfully to solve problems and become better people made me more confident in taking it. I had spent a lot of time thinking and learning about what I was taking, why, and what the potential ramifications would be. Had I not done this, I know this first trip would’ve been nowhere near as good as it was, even at the worst moments, and definitely would not have reached the bliss it did.

I had wanted to try acid for a very long time. It’s probably a good thing that I waited, as I used to have some heavy emotional problems and also lots of self-esteem issues. I had been working on being more positive for a while, but I felt like the setbacks I had been encountering in school had made it difficult. I'm a first-semester college student who just moved out, and while it's only been about 2 months on my own it's been a hell of a ride. I had just tried mushrooms a few weeks ago, and while I liked them, I decided I was ready for something more intense. That's why when an acquaintance from high school approached me in front of a building on campus and told me he had a tab of acid he would give to me, I damn near cried with happiness. On that day I had pink eye and bronchitis, so I hadn't gone to my early class, and I ended up skipping my second class to drive with him to his house and pick up the tab.

We talked about a lot of things on the way and also on the way back: what we planned to do with ourselves in the future, our previous experiences with drugs. When I told him that I had never done acid before, it seemed for a minute like he was considering not giving it to me. He cautioned me quite a bit, warning me that acid was nothing like mushrooms in terms of visuals and mind-fucking. He also informed me that this tab was triple-dipped, which I think may have been a fib. I think instead of this scaring me off, it made me want to eat it immediately. This was around 2:00 in the afternoon.

I basically made no attempts at preparation other than lining up a sober sitter and taking a shower. I was cocky and figured that my strength of personality would be enough to keep me safe while I tripped. I wondered if I would be able to put in my eye drops for the pink eye by myself, I wondered if I would know where I was. In retrospect, for all the reverence I give the drug, I wish I had waited for a more special night to take it for the first time. Pink eye + acid make for some really icky sensations and visuals. While I had been told to only take half a tab, I definitely was not going to listen - I wanted to detach myself from reality completely for a while, which I had not been able to do with mushrooms.

My sitter (C.) had some things to attend to, and we agreed that I would take it at 6 and meet her outside my dormitory building. So I decided to go with some guys to pick up some pot and drive around for a while. We ended up sitting in a parking lot for a long time waiting for the guy to show up, and I realized it was 5:30 already. Anxious to take it, I asked the boys how long it would take to kick in, and they all told me it would be about an hour before I felt any effects. I thought 'Oh, hell, it wasn't the plan to take it this early, but I won't feel anything for an hour anyway.' I placed the tab under my tongue and then swished it around for a while. I thought it would be a long time until I felt anything.

This was not the case. On the way back to town, smoking a few bowls after the deal had been made, I definitely noticed some strange (but exciting!) things happening. Mostly it was in the way I felt physically - my body sort of felt like a smear on a flat surface, my jaw felt funny. They were playing some sort of weird music that wasn't really my taste, but it sounded the way I imagine the jungle does at night. I think at this point, I was not equipped to respond to questions very well. They all wanted to go to a place in the woods by a river, and while I knew C. would be waiting for me back at the campus, they were too tempting - 'Do you want to go back or do you want to frolic in nature for a while?'

It was sitting on the rocks on the side of the river that I first noticed some different things happening - things looking different, the water sounding so much louder but also so much more musical. I looked to the other side and decided there was a monkey with a sniper rifle sitting in the grass. I think it was actually a log. This was where I learned how important it is to have good people around you while you're tripping, too. I had met all the people I was with just two months prior to this. Two of the people I was with have anger and depression problems, and they were unpleasant to look at and talk to - they were primitive, animal-like, croaking and misshapen.

Climbing back up the bank to get out of there, I looked at some moss. The tiny plants were growing and squirming, and I had to laugh. Natural things were another highlight of the trip: whether it was the grass, trees, sky, water: it was all so much more interesting and satisfying to look at than artificial things. From there it went downhill for a while. These people, who had not been prepared to baby sit me this night, let me follow them to get some food. We sat around and I realized that I was becoming very uncomfortable. I wouldn't allow myself to be negative, and tried to convince myself that I was having fun, but it was nothing amazing.

Then I ran into a boy I knew outside the building. K., the guy that had given it to me, had procured it from this other guy, who I'll call B. I informed B that I was tripping for the first time, partially thanks to him, and he beamed and told me he was going to take me for a ride. Every time he said the word “tripping” it seemed so bizarre. He said the word a couple times and I thought about it: what if I wasn’t actually tripping? I decided that it was possible that this was all a conspiracy: B. was just a salesman. He must’ve given me this little piece of paper because he knew that I wanted to try LSD, and what I was experiencing was just the placebo effect. He wanted me to tell everyone that his “acid” was good, sell it to everyone, and take over the world from there. This was a scary thought, overwhelming, sad, but I remained composed. It became apparent that this was not the placebo effect when he handed me a light-up egg that changed colors and put on some techno music in his car driving down the highway. It was joyous. I cradled the egg in my hands and thought about it, how it worked, how beautiful it was. B tried talking to me, but was understanding when I found words inadequate.

When I got back, my other friends invited me to go smoke some more pot with them. I accepted somehow, and we went to a clearing by a bridge. It was there that I started thinking about everything, nothing, and what I was supposed to do with my life. When you think about it, you are the same as the screen you are reading this on, and the chair you’re sitting in, the food you eat, the water you drink. Atoms swap electrons, which are moving all the time, and the electrons never touch - everything in the universe is basically made out of the same material, and held together with vibrations. I contemplated this, and tried to wrap my head around it. It was hysterical.

When we got back to the parking lot, we needed to wait for a bus to take us back to the dorms. Everyone waited at the bus stop while I tried to give my cigarette to the red button on the emergency phone nearby. I got frustrated when it wouldn’t accept, and started kicking it. I thought… what stops me from kicking things more often? I have this power as a human being to kick things, why don’t I use it? I wondered if freaking out completely was the best and truest way to live life - since everything is basically the same, and also connected, maybe violence would be the best way to stimulate the rest of the universe and other human beings.

Then, my friend G. (an experienced tripper) began to talk to me about things, and the thoughts and fragments of thoughts I had been having began to make more sense. He talked to me about enjoying the hell out of things, and about how LSD is so good for contemplation because it makes you like a child, you notice everything more. I think that the best thing that he said was after we encountered a trash can knocked over on the sidewalk… “If all destruction was turned into creation, things would be SO COOL.”

This was just what I needed. I prepared to better myself the rest of my life: to be calm even when things are disappointing, to be positive. I realized that kicking things whenever I felt like it would make me physically free, but only for a while, and that the best way to be mentally and spiritually free was to help, to create, to love, to learn. I resolved to stop smoking, and while that failed the next day, I did a great job at cutting back. Until that day, I had smoked cigarettes every day since I was 12 and smoked roughly a pack a day since I turned 18. Since then, I have smoked about 4 cigarettes total, and it’s getting easier to envision my life without them.

I had felt lonely at college, but watching people follow me and try to take care of me, offer me their beds to sleep in and their words to soothe me was the most amazing thing once I realized it. I saw that while maybe I’m not bosom-buddy close to anyone in this college environment yet, they have love in their hearts for me and I just have to be there and ready to accept it. Talking to him, I felt everything in me settle down, as if everything in me had moved too fast up until that point and that was the source of my nervousness, my bad habits.

LSD did make me like a child. I was able to work through the problems I’ve had since I was a kid - I was given another chance to grow up. I can’t say how long this pervasive sense of relief and perfection will last, but I know that the perspective I gained will help me deal with setbacks in the future much differently and in more constructive ways. I plan on tripping again tomorrow, in the sunshine. This time though, my friends will on the same stuff, I can’t wait.

Exp Year: 2006ExpID: 56654
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 19, 2008Views: 24,537
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LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Various (28)

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