Citation: Attack. "Two Things I Will Never Do Again: An Experience with MDMA & Cannabis (exp54769)". Erowid.org. Dec 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/54769
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I had done X for the first time in my life the night before this night, and it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I'd had to date. Before this occasion, I'd had experience with a variety of pain-killers (Opiates such as opium and oxy/hydrocodeine, vicodin), Muscle Relaxers (Flexerol, Soma), other pills such as valium. I also had several experiences with Shrooms, Stimulants (Coke, Aderall/Speed), of course MJ, and some odd-end stuff like Laughing Gas and Salvia. X was the first drug I had ever taken that had given me a totally euphoric feeling, and the first night I took it, it became my drug of choice, until the following night when I decided to do it again.
The day after my first roll trip, I was hanging out around campus with my friends and girlfriend, here named CR (old roommate), LA (gf's best friend), and C (my gf) and we decided that we had enjoyed the night before so much, that since we had nothing to do tonight, we would give it another go. So we went to our dealer F's place and got some more roll pills, the same ones as the night before (Purple Texacos). We got two each and headed back to the dorm. When we got back, we each took two and started loading up the Five-Gallon water bong with hits of some dank heddies.
About an hour later I had taken maybe 5-6 bong hits and we decided to listen to some techno, so LA and I went down to the parking lot to get a CD out of C's car. On the way down, I could definitely tell I was feeling different than when I usually get high, but it wasn't quite the same as the roll trip the night before. By the time we got back up to me and my roommate’s room, I came in and we put the CD on, but we could not turn it up very loud because it was starting to get late, and we were smoking pot in a dorm. I was very displeased with this because I was very much so looking forward to listening to some music because of my experience from the night before. So we just turned the black light on and sat there and entertained ourselves with different various activities. We took a few more gravity bong hits and I started to feel very strange.
This was not like the night before.
I started to question if what I had actually taken were X pills, but then assured myself by remembering I had taken the exact same kind the night before and blown up. My gf C started paying my roommate a lot of attention, and I sat in the corner of the room and just kept thinking to myself. I started to become suspicious of C and CH, since we had all met each other around the same time and had been friends for only a few months. I thought they had gone into the bathroom and did the deed while LA and I had walked down to the car, because of some remark C made about the bathroom. I started thinking about all these things that went on behind my back, realizing all the sudden that no one really liked me. It was like before now there was hope that people who were in my life wanted to be there, but now all of the sudden it was like I had been oblivious to the fact that the people in my life didn't want me around, and that I had just been forcing myself into their lives, but now I realized it all and saw everything for what it really was.
MY PERCEPTION CHANGED
I started thinking about how bad of a person I was, and how I had been ruining my life in every aspect with decisions I had made. I started to hate myself along with what I thought was everyone else. My friends and gf noticed something was wrong with me and that I was not talking at all, and grew concerned, but when they came over to ask me what was going on or if I was ok, to me it seemed like they were all playing a huge joke on me, like they were secretly laughing behind my back and just pretending to care. I started thinking that C and CH were cheating behind my back, partly because earlier in the night I wasn't able to become aroused with my gf. This is an interesting fact to note because this had never happened to me in my life before or after this night. I was feeling very bad about that as well, and all of the sudden plots and ploys against me started forming in my head.
I had been kicked out of the dorm room we were in earlier in the semester for getting caught drinking and smoking, and for some reason when I started trying to get away from my friends, and they tried to get me to stay, I started to believe they called the campus security on me so I would get caught and kicked out of school. Fearing this greatly, I grabbed a pillow off the couch and said I was going to the bathroom.
At about 1:30 PM I exited the dorm room, and then the suite, and walked down the hall to some other friend's of mine's room and started to knock on the door, peeking around every corner on the way and paranoid as hell. When I got to their room and started knocking. However, there was no reply and I noticed the lights were off under their door. I then realized that they could be in on the ploy against me too, since they were mutual friends of mine and CH's, so I decided to leave the dorm and walk back to my new (substance free :-P) dorm. I walked out through the parking lot, and a full moon was out. As I was walking, a car parked up in front of me and someone stepped out. I did not get a good look at their face, but when they turned around to get something out of the car I noticed the words SECURITY across the back of their jacket. They closed the door and walked by me, I almost shit myself, but after I got past them I looked back and noticed they were going in the dorm i had just left. This pretty much confirmed my theory and I felt lucky to have left when I had.
The trip across campus was frightening. I thought cops were coming to get me, and snuck around every corner, looked past every tree, and slowly moved through my dorm when I finally got to it. The setup of my new dorm was a door leading into a hallway with 4 rooms, 2 doors on either side. Also at the end of this short hallway was a small storage closet. When I got into my hallway, I started being suspicious of my new roommate, who I'd only known for less than a month, to be a narc, and that the school had placed me with him just so he could watch my activities. Afraid to wake him up in the state I was in, I walked to the end of the hallway and quietly got in the closet.
Afraid to make noise, I sat there for the better part of the next 6 hours and had a waking nightmare in my head about my life, thinking about my parents a lot and things from my past. Every time I looked down the hallway I felt like someone was on the other side of the main hallway door, waiting for me, because I could see motion through the peephole all the way down the hallway in the door. I stood there and sweated my balls off, hated myself, and was more scared than I had ever been before in my life. I am the kind of guy who can go out into the middle of the woods in the middle of the night by himself with nothing more than a lighter and not be scared, so this was a very intense feeling to me.
At about 7:30, I laid down in the small closet, curled into a ball, and tried to sleep. But sleep did not come. I had suicidal thoughts, thinking that it would be better than going to jail and having everyone i know find out I was doing 'hardcore' drugs. I finally drifted into a light slumber for about 30 minutes to an hour. When I woke up, it was light, and got up and felt my whole body ache, especially my legs, and I suspected it was from standing up all night. When I finally built the courage to go into my room, since I had vividly recalled all of my thoughts the night before, I saw that it was about 9:30 am, and I curled into my bed and slept for the better part of the day.
When I got up, I felt pretty exhausted, and still believed everything I had 'discovered' the night before. I was also still waiting for the cops to show up, but wasn't quite as certain they would. I had no place else to go though. I got online and C Instant Messaged me, asking if I was OK and what had happened. I was a complete ass to her because I thought she had been screwing my old roommate (CH) and she told me she had spent the night there with LA and CH, so I put 2 and 2 together. After a little coaxing, I decided maybe some of my thoughts were misjudged from the night before, and they convinced me to come back to my old dorm room.
I left my room, and noticed when I was walking out of the small hallway that what I had perceived as motion through the peephole in the door was in actuality a small piece of paper that had been jammed into the peephole. This made me think maybe my perception was a little off in many ways from the night before, and I started to question everything I believed to be true already. When I got back in the old dorm room, I questioned C and my friends about things they had said the night before that I had remembered, the things that made me believe all the theories I had come up with. Some of the things I realized I took totally out of context, but some things I still questioned for a week or two after this incident and still didn’t understand or have a real explanation for.
After this incident, things in my life went back to normal, I hung out with these friends almost every day for the rest of the semester, and C and I are still dating, it has now almost been for a year. Since this time, I cannot say I have not done X again, but after talking to some friends who do X a lot and had a similar experience to mine, once before each, where 'everyone was out to get them', I have concluded the thing that gave me a bad trip was the excessive marijuana I had smoked in conjunction to the rolls, since it was a similar factor to their bad trips. All of the bad side effects of marijuana were enhanced 10 fold on MDMA. The paranoia, single-track thought pattern, suspicion, etc.
Since this time I have rolled and not smoked much marijuana, and I've had other quite pleasurable experiences similar to my first time. I do not know if rolling the night after my first time again had anything to do with this bad experience, due to lack of serotonin in my brain or whatnot, but all I can say is rolling 2 nights in a row, and smoking a lot of pot while rolling, is 2 things I will NEVER do again in my lifetime.
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