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Was this me?
Cannabis
by Jayhal
Citation:   Jayhal. "Was this me?: An Experience with Cannabis (exp53943)". Erowid.org. Nov 26, 2008. erowid.org/exp/53943

 
DOSE:
  smoked Cannabis (plant material)

BODY WEIGHT: 11.5 kg


This experience was a few years ago so i cannot remember all the details, insted of inputting every detail I will get streight to the point.

While on the computer on a sunny day a friend (We will call him Danny ) contacted me on MSN and told me that his parents and family had gone away for the weekend and asked me if I wanted to stay over. I was good mates with another friend of his that lived near him that I had spoked to on the internet we will call him Luke. As I'd been wanting to meet Luke face to face for a while we always plannned to get together and have a smoke-up. I was most delighted and at about 5pm I got down to his village met up with Luke and went to his dealers. We only had 10 and so this could of scored us an 8th but the guy only had 2 teenths so we baught them. We eventualy met up with Danny. He was with his cousin and his cousins mate, I didnt mind them comming as im a generous smoker and dont mind sharing my shit.

Eventually the smoking started in Dannys backgarden. We took it kinda easy to start with rolling big joints with about 10 minute gaps inbetween rolling again. We was all having a good time laughing, joking and telling stories. The time was about 8pm and after the 5th joint I felt a bit giddy but it felt like my laughter was fake and I slowly fell into depression. Ive experienced and know others have experienced feeling down from smoking cannabis before but this time it was more of a strong feeling.


While in this state I kept quiet and kept on smoking while observing the conversation going on by the others. I was occasionally asked by them every so often if i was alright, I gave them a nod and replied that I was fine. I was layed down and the depressive state kept creeping up on me. By this time I was very intoxicated and eventually my vision was consumed with bright moving patterns. I began thinking about my life, friends, family and my future, but that was making me more depresssed as I didnt have a clue what I was going to do with myself after College. I began thinking how i was percived by people that knew me. Then It hit like a ton of bricks, I understood how i was percived. I could see myself reconstructing was i was like around people like my friends for example, was I some sort of Geek or some annoying moron that other people look down on? could this be the reason why I dont always remain friends with people? because I cramp there style? Was this me? Millions of these thoughs rushed around my head while each one was reanacted in my mind. Everybody else at this time was chilled out with only a two way conversation going on. I asked everybody else if they was mashed (Mashed meaning very stoned/intoxicated) they and they agreed.

A good few hours after I was coming down to earth and Felt much better. I was in denial about the thoughs I encounted that night for a while and eventaully I came to terms with them. All of it was true. Back then I admit I was kind of annoying, lacked communication skills, and made people feel uncool while I was around them.

Now-a-days I am more sociable, have better communication skills and Have more friends. Maybe cannabis helped me see this properly and helped me see the door to improving my life and life style.

Thanks for reading my Experience

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 53943
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Nov 26, 2008Views: 4,582
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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